Feel as if I’ve adopted insomnia though it is more as if insomnia adopted me. Awake or asleep doesn’t matter my mind is running. A constant over saturation of ideas that are very much independent of one another. One after the other over and over with no resolve. Who have I become and what must I do to get rid of all these wasted thoughts?

Are these things really important to me anymore? Judge each other on the idea that we know anyone. Peace in the idea that we can understand something we have no idea about. Ignorance is tolerated because we are all ignorant. There is no solution to any of this. Constantly asking ourselves, myself what is it that I know to be true? We evolve in time within our minds. Not the same person I was before I died yet I feel the same as I ever have.

Chasing a shadow in the dark. Searching for whatever it is that I have become. Monster or man what is the difference this far along? At this point in time they have become one. Not sure I’m okay, but I’ll survive. Not sure I even have or had a choice. They say we do, but they also say there is a God that makes every decision for us. Conflicting conflictions right there if you ask me. The world is evolve or die. God or man the laws are the same. Simple and complex all at the same time.

7 thoughts on “Thoughts”

  1. Well… should I call you Mr. Ambrose? We’ll see how this goes. I feel quite special being the only comment on this post which I presume was your first. August 2017 was possibly ONE of the most important months of my life. Interesting to look through the window of other people’s thoughts. Had I read this back then, I would have followed you like a puppy. It’s so honest and raw and the fact that I’m the only one here makes me feel like you are only talking to me.
    So I’ve decided (toddler permitting) that I’m going to read you and your mind/soul/breathing particles and see what transpires. So…good morning I suppose depending on where you are. USA?
    Anyway, London us freezing today but for the first time in a long time,I feel warm.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Toddlers like their attention… mine is running a hot wheels over my back as if this is normal behavior… not going to lie… feels kind of good…

      London must be an amazing place to live?… Thank you for being the first to comment… only had one follower back then… August was a pretty important month for me as well… Decide to take this freak show to the masses… haha…

      Well now I am curious to what happened in August for you?… I live in Texas, a transplant, it is always warm… even when it is cold.. it isn’t even that cold…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Toddlers are amazing. If we were all toddlers the world would be a hilarious place.
        London is brilliant. I haven’t always lived here, but I adore winter and cold and rain as you may have noticed from my… everything on the blog.
        Now Texas…when you say transplant, do you mean you moved there from somewhere else? The funny thing is I was born in the UK, moved to Cyprus as a teenager (Cypriot parents, not just a random migration to a Mediterranean island) and then moved back to the UK a while ago now. So I also know that Texas weather is almost identical to Cypriot weather, I absolutely understand what you’re saying. I always say we have 9 months of summer and 3 months of faux winter. I can’t stand it!!! Among other things,I was glad to leave because of that and just…so many years there…it drags you down.
        August…well I had been blogging for about 3 months (a different blog to this one) and I made a friend who basically touched me so deeply I can easily say he changed me fundamentally and irreversibly. I treasure the memories, now we’ve…lost touch.
        So I kind of have a million questions for you now! But I won’t be nosey yet, we’ve just literally ‘met’. But… you’ll get bombarded by me soon , obvs you don’t have to answer! I am no where near as forthcoming on this blog as I was on the old one. Mystery etc…I like it.
        Well Mr. Ambrose, I think it’s about 7am ish over there so I presume you’re about to have a cup of coffee and are already being attacked by your toddler, so we shall be in touch.
        Mine has just gone down for a nap and I’m going to enjoy a quiet cup of tea and trashy TV. Classy,I know.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. have to enjoy what we can when we can… Cyprus?… that’s a really cool… My family was in the military so I have been all over… not really from anywhere…. never made it to Europe sadly… I need to make it over there and I really want to go to Africa… I want to go to a lot of places… Not a fan of staying in the same spot for too long… a world ran by toddlers?… hmm… easy joke on this side of the world… : ) But I know what you mean… they are a blast… My daughter is afraid of bugs… so I like to remind her to not eat them…. all red faced… “I don’t eat the bugs Daddy”…. good times…

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Aww, I am afraid of bugs too!! *High fives your daughter*
        You know, I’ve moved around a little but now I do have an inexorable need to feel secure and rooted. I may feel differently tomorrow, I’m a complicated woman šŸ˜‰
        It’s funny because our comments are victims of the time difference and you probably won’t read this for ages and then by the time I get your response…and so the story goes (Dee da Dee, Dee da Dee . 90s song reference lol)
        But just FYI, I’ll be gone for a week or so , so none of my wordy verses will be around for you to read and leave wonderful comments on that make me feel fuzzy šŸ˜‰
        But..see you soon

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I’m literally fluttering in for a few moments. I saw you replied and wanted to say hi and I smiled in spite of myself that you are waiting for my return…
        I have a post called My Voice. It’s password protected and the password is
        Just walk away

        Just like that with the spaces and everything. I just thought you’d like to listen.

        Liked by 1 person

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