Do you ever feeling like there is no place for you in the world or that you think you know your place, but maybe that really isn’t your place? My cousin recently graduated from the Marines. Horrible pick for employment given the current leader. The point is though that for as long as I can remember anything about him he wanted to be a solider.
From a young age, the last time I happen to even see him, he knew his place in the world. Good or bad choice aside he wanted that and he got it. I don’t have any feelings for him. No sense of lost memories. We could pass each other on the street tomorrow and I’d keep walking, but I feel so happy for him right now. I am happy he has found a place and a place he wants to be. I’m about to turn thirty and I have no place. So sense of purpose in this world. I want to be writer, but I have my doubts.
Growing up all I ever wanted to do was do something in music. Having no talent, no friends to piggy back on, and no aptitude to even learn an instrument I dove into the part I was good at. Writing lyrics became writing poems. Writing poems became telling stories. It took a long time, but that is where I am now. Trying to write stories to find my purpose. At this moment in time I have published nothing, sold nothing, and with every passing day doubt myself and any talent I might have. I don’t even know another writer. Part of the reason I wanted to be a writer is that I could do it on my own. Which is becoming less and less true as time goes on.
It takes a village or so I hear, but what does it take if you don’t have one? What am I fighting for if there is no hope of winning? I have everything I want, well need, I want a lot of shit I don’t need, but writing didn’t get me the things that I wanted. The people around me did. My mom, my wife, my daughter, and the guy who hired me at my current job provided me the opportunities to be where I am today.
Lost, but still here. I hope writing pans out. I hope it is my place in this world. Not really sure I have enough time to find another and start working towards that from the ground up. Maybe I am thinking about it too much? My cousin was only a kid when he said he wanted to be a solider and technically he is three months in to his place in life. Five years from now he might not even want to be a solider. I’m fifteen years into mine and all I want to be is a writer. Well a good father, a good husband, and a good son. Sometimes it may feel like we have no place in the world, but all that means is that we aren’t done fighting yet.
Wow. This post is crazy good! I really understand where your coming from and I just want to let you know you’re not alone. I’m definitely going to hit that follow button. Maybe you could return the favour? http://bit.ly/2y7MqDe
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Thank you for the kind words. I will have to try to remember that I am not alone. Best of luck.
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No problem. I appreciate the time you took to reply to my post. I honestly was blown away. I hope you enjoyed it honestly. My latest blog post is even better then that one. If you would be willing to give that a read I would honestly value your opinion on it. But if you don’t want to I completely understand! https://kidmentalist.wordpress.com/2017/10/07/do-what-you-dont/ there’s the link any ways. Thanks again!
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Oh my god this is so good. I hope you’re in your place as well. I loved so many things that you’ve written on this site. But this one kind of explains so much of the stuff you’ve written. I did follow you and I think I’ll be reading a whole lotta stuff from here every time you post.
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If you have the time it’d be nice if you can check out my blog as well……
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I am looking forward to it.
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Thank you for reading. Hopefully I can keep it up. Trying some new things this month. Let me know what you think. Thank you for commenting. Best of luck.
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