He walks the street at night searching for half used or discarded cigarettes to smoke. Dirty, unkempt, he smells of a hundred days of sweat, but by what laws of man does it say he is doing it wrong? Those of us lucky enough to be awake right now cast our judgements. Make our off-handed comments as I stand amongst them silent and not caring. I do not fear or respect this man however I do understand. I understand his plight to do as he wishes. I understand why he makes his pilgrimage here every night looking for the things that others don’t want. If only we too could have his conviction, but he serves more as an example to why we can’t than why we should. We can’t all take our shitty useless jobs for granted. I finish my cigarette and leave the part left on the bench next to me among the other unfinished ones. In an act of charity I leave another brand new one with the others. Unlike most in his situation he won’t accept charity though I have tried once or twice. He however will take anything discarded by chance. Silently I walk back into the building. Go back to my shitty job that I could give a fuck about, but need more than I’m fully aware of. Trapped in this box within another, and yet another.
I’m tearing at my stitches and wondering if this is the right thing to do. Examples displayed to me by fate or God or what the fuck ever would tell me it’s not. Yet each stitch of my very existence begs to be popped. Dwelling on such thoughts and such actions is not healthy to the system in which I am confined too. I often wonder who it that is imprisoned in this world is it the free or the damned? I’m hanging on by very little these days. Becoming unhinged I would say. With death metal drums beats bouncing around in my skull I want to get violent. But why? What for? What I have to say is so far from violence and more to do with depression. On point with torture than violence. The feelings dig deep, stitched together by the reality that none of this really matters. How I feel has nothing to do with living life only a byproduct of how I choose to feel about all of this. Life is ever-changing. Constantly evolving and it is how we adapt to it that dictates the outcome of it all.