Letter To Myself

When you look back over a life time you realize just how much time you’ve wasted. You see how minutes are not hours, hours not as days or weeks or life times. You see however that years become seconds and decades minutes. Time slips right by without even a second look. The twenty-five year old me would say I live without regrets and the fifty year old me would tell you how much I live with only regrets. He’d tell you all about how much time I wished I could get back. Time is wasted on the young and stupid. Not that we truly get any smarter with age. I mean I am sitting here writing to any empty audience and wasting the very time I wish to get back. Age is a trip. God damn is it ever. If I could go back in time I’d tell the twenty-five year old me to quit working and go have some fun.

I’d tell him money is worthless and all the shit wasted on it is just that shit. I’d tell him so many things I already tell myself every day.  I’d say live for today and not the week. If only I could go back and warn him of the old man he would become. That’s what I would do if I could go back in time. I’d be selfish for the first time in my life. Never look back, because all you will find is regrets for all the time wasted. A lifetime of waiting for something better is really nothing more than a waste of life.

There’s never going to be a better time than now. When you’re young, when you still have life not at the end of it. Not when there’s nothing left because that is all that is left after a life time of saving and waiting, a whole lot of nothing. You could say that I’m bitter, but I’m just being honest. If you can take one thing from this I hope it is the message to live, to have fun, to have a life worth looking back on. Because in the end this is all that matters, having something to look back on. If only I had listened to myself.

Oh and she cheats on you with your best friend, and the kids all hate you because they think it’s your fault the family fell apart. It took a life time to learn that so use the information well. Good luck and maybe when it’s all said and done. I won’t be seeing you in the end.

13 thoughts on “Letter To Myself”

  1. Layne, this post is pretty bitter yet meaningful.
    Everyday, I would ask if there anythings that I regretted today. I do analyse my experiences meticulously every night, but still there are some regrets. Even though, I’ve tried my best to remind myself every morning.
    This sentence really hit me “A lifetime of waiting for something better is really nothing more than a waste of life”.

    Like

    1. I think a lot of my anxiety comes from that very line and the fact that every night I analyse my whole day. It would be easy for me to say you shouldn’t do this, but I know that is impossible. Human nature is to second guess everything we do.

      I don’t get jealous of other, but I do get jealous of those who can just let go or move past an issue. I can’t seem to do that. Everything in the end becomes another piece of glass digging into me pushed down deeper from the ever increasing pieces. We do this to ourselves or at least I do. In my case a vicious cycle that I need so, there will be no end for me.

      As much as I try to fight it. It is what makes me, me. I’m guessing the same could be said for you and you should always be you. Embrace and enjoy it. We only get one life after all. Might as well “waste” it being ourselves.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I don’t have anxiety. I thought of doing that is because that I cherished every moments spent throughout the day. It might be bitter or sweet, happy or sad, I really do appreciate that I can get things through.

        Life goes on. Hopefully we can learned some lessons and don’t repeat the mistakes again. I know it’s super tough to ask someone stop feeling guilty. I would say embrace the failures. I guess it’s a lifelong lesson. If you hold on your guilt, it’ll not bring you to anywhere, it’ll just push you deeper and at last you’ll burnt out.

        Yes, I totally agree to the last point here. We can always embrace and enjoy it!

        Thumbs up for this – “might as well waste it being ourselves”

        Liked by 1 person

  2. “I am sitting here writing to any empty audience and wasting the very time I wish to get back…”

    You’re not.
    You’re a treasure that I feel like I found in a dark chest buried under magical times and now I’m scrambling to keep it to myself before it gets stolen.

    You make me feel things

    Liked by 1 person

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