Stress seems to affect us at different volumes and different values. Not everyone can handle what it takes anymore. The times they change things even if the game is the same. Used to be about survival now it’s about living. About doing nothing. The goals were once simple. Now the goal is to find a way to do nothing at all. Today nothing ever gets done because someone else will take care of it. Someone else will do it don’t worry. Who the fuck is this someone else?
Oh I forgot it was me. Forty hours a week to make up for all the mistakes, all the things that no one wants to do. This place drags me down. Consumes me and leaves me broken. All I hear is complaints about the shit that I don’t do. Poorly managed is an understatement. I think they train them to be this stupid. I often wonder if I was dropped on my head too many times or not enough. Decisions are made with the littlest of thought. Fuck ups happen constantly and the only way is to keep letting them happen.
God forbid you communicate that said idea is a bad one. Excommunicated from the conversion from there on. Condemned until it of course fucks up then you are to blame for its failure. I try to stay out of it. To stay away from it, but they drag you in. They need someone to blame, but I can’t let go. I hang on to their every word. Loyalty buried deep within my very existence. Stupidity running right beside it. Trust no one and no one can let you down.
If only I could live by the words that I preach. If I could live by the way it is supposed to be. What happened to do the right thing? What happened to hard work? Gave a way to reward the weak and bury the strong. I see that it pays to do nothing at all, but I can’t stand by and watch it all fall. To watch it fail makes me feel as though I failed. Whether I get paid either way or not. The world should not work this way, but somehow it does. Somehow the world keeps turning and all I can think is fuck it all.