I haven’t had an original idea for a while. Which sucks. My mind is like mush going over the same old stuff. Every story has a beginning, a middle, and an end. They say I had a voice. They say I had one once. Now it has disappeared again into the abyss of fuck. Fuck it all. What does it matter? Tired of asking questions with no answers. I could be anything yet I sit as nothing. I want to burn the world down. Destroy every last drop of existences. Yet I’d still feel nothing. I have no contempt for myself or others. I say I have nothing and I mean it. Words are haunting whether truth or lies. I despise everyone in my life. I hate them all because they are selfish. I hate them all because they are me without trying. In other news I sold more books than I ever have. So that’s something.
It often seems as though dreams are nothing more than a way to get us through life. We all have dreams. What we want to become or get done with our lives. But I don’t know anyone who has actually seen them through. Goals change over time. One day we want one thing and the next something different. Dreams are where past, present, and future collide because they very often want the same things. It’s as though we are at war with ourselves as well as those around us. They say that to succeed you need to surround ourselves with people who can help you. What about those people like me that can’t stand others? Are we set to fail then? Are my goals and dreams nothing more than a waste of time? I often wonder if I should just be happy with what I have. A niche market of being an asshole. Of course you hear those fantastic stories of people who have made it and you set yourself up to fail once again. I’m tired of failing. There is nothing there anymore but sadness and pain.
Devils in the details
But what do you do when you’ve all failed?
Listening to your complaints
On a day-to-day basis
Has become insane
Feeling your thoughts is all that I have
But now it’s filled with too much pain
Sensory overload
My mind will explode
The devils in the details
But God failed so long ago
Wasting time until I can get by
Wasting away as if all is the same
I hate myself but I hate you more
Every passing moment is like an eternity
But it is as though time slips away from me
I could do more but it seems I do less
Was once told that I am depressed
Maybe I’m stretched too thin
If I could focus then I could understand
Wasting time until it is too late
Wasting away as if all is the same
I watch the sky
Even in the dark
Even on the darkest night
Watch it bleed
The truth is so hard to find
Deeply hidden behind
Each and every lie
Some where in the darkness
Just beyond the light
Lies something so true
No one can separate the lies
What’s left to say after all of that? Suffering alone with depression can be hard.. I don’t have it as bad as a lot of people I know… But I do have the anxiety and the highs and lows… Maybe that is where my writing comes from? Or maybe I’m just fucked in the head…. Who knows… It is fun to joke around about, but really that is a symptom of something I’m sure… No one can tell you how to live your life, but that doesn’t mean no one isn’t there to help you…. Sometimes it is family and friends, and sometimes it is someone else.. I don’t follow organized religion, go figure, but what they all have in common is being there for each other… I think that is important whether there is someone watching over us or not…
Changing dreams over time is probably the reason why none gets real…
And I think that this happens mainly because we don’t fully believe in them… daily…
LikeLiked by 2 people
I agree… Though sometimes it takes more than belief to accomplish something…. Giving up is never the answer…
LikeLiked by 3 people
Of course it takes more! Much more! And this is the reverse side of the coin…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Fork this!!!!!!! Kick yourself in the ass!!! Play some music that you like!!”! Forking make crap up about a rock! Anything is better than nothing!!!!
By the way… HUGS!
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thanks Mel.
LikeLiked by 2 people
😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Write your pain, and write your highs and lows, and then in a few weeks, read it all. Don’t try to make every single day good. Try to make the average of all your days better. 😉 It works.
On the average.
Because living is a process, not an event.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Love it! Yes!!! Lol!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks. I have things for other people, I guess.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Never thought about it this way… and you are right.. I need to try pace myself and let the story be the story… Good or bad.. Loved or hated… Thank you
LikeLiked by 2 people
I have found that no matter what you write, someone will identify with it in some way.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s good because I’m working on a series about screen doors… But you probably see right through my joke…
LikeLiked by 2 people
LOL!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Congratulations for your book telling, Layne. I’ve put it in my bucket list!
Hopefully things will turn out well for you. Hang on there. Have a good day.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Typo here, I meant book selling!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you.. Hopefully all will work out well…
LikeLiked by 2 people
L. Going through depression… It’s the oddest beast I’ve faced. Although it’s been with me for years and years, as far as I can recall, i only let it ….slice my face off a few months ago…after allowing it to tape my spirit and sense about 15 years ago. It’s complicated and hard to articulate.
Pffff…lots more to say on this.
Your writing is a mirror sometimes, but you often reach your hand through the glass and , with slightly bloody fingers ,wipe away the tears
🖤
LikeLiked by 1 person
depression is an odd beast… it stays with us even when we are up in the clouds… tucks us in as we sleep… and pins us down… I hope you are feeling better… finding a balance is all we can do…
LikeLiked by 1 person
It does , it really does.
I’m trying. Some good days, some bad. Some days I feel like it doesn’t exist and I made it up and I’m a fraud for saying it but then it catches back up to me.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow, I wrote ‘rape my spirit’ and it turned to ‘tape’…
Metaphors anyone?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I thought that was an odd part, but it still made sense… more sense now…
LikeLiked by 1 person