Broken Thoughts

I want to change the world, but I know it won’t matter. The wheel turns with or without me. The sands of time keep falling one by one whether I care to notice at all. I can’t take much more of this. This world’s retribution is too much to bare. A constant dragging of my body across a bed of nails. My flesh tears apart, but yet somehow stays attached. The bones of my broken body mended together with lies and dreams. My blood is all but gone. My heart still beats. Beats to the rhythm of my death. Slow, painful, and everlasting.

We add only to take away
If I take away all that I have become
Would I only be adding to what I’ve done
Taken away from what I become
An empty shell, Hollowed out heart
A lie from the start
Accept my apologies
I knew not what I have done
Only that it would destroy you
Extinguish this thoughtless idea
Sincerely everything I wish

How soon is too soon to know this is an ever passing moment? These feelings won’t last and then I’ll be left with nothing much. Regret and sadness mostly. Sit and smile. Pretend not to suffer ninety-five percent of the day. This is life. This is how most of us live. Wish I could drink the feeling away like everyone else. Like my heroes, but it does nothing for me. Magnifies my problems, my issues in such a way that it makes me feel even worse than before. Maybe I’m not trying hard enough. Could be my problem all along. How hard should we be trying to live?

I want to dance in the darkness of me and you
Our shadows create a cryptic sense of self
Our shadows in the moon light
Our shadows, strangling each other tonight
Ideas of love twisted with each passing moment
Your final breathes
Mean more with everything left unsaid

8 thoughts on “Broken Thoughts”

    1. Most of this was written during a dark period of no sleep and constant work… A blur of pain that evolved into me taking a deep look at what life was about after my daughter was born…. I’ve spent most of my life trying to find a balance between caring about other and caring for myself…. I have a deep seeded “problem” or issue of putting everyone before myself… there isn’t anything wrong with caring for others… But if you aren’t taking care of yourself than honestly you aren’t any good to anyone else… I don’t mind working myself into the ground, but at a certain point you realize it would be easier to just be in the ground… My daughter showed me there was more to life than working towards digging a grave… An evolution to live, to not be in a hurry, to be the best person I could be… So yes the thoughts do evolve over time…

      Liked by 1 person

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