Paco Called In Sick Today

Feel as if I’ve adopted insomnia though it is more as if insomnia adopted me. Awake or asleep doesn’t matter my mind is always running. A constant over saturation of ideas that are very much independent of one another. One after the other over and over with no resolve. Who have I become and what must I do to get rid of all these wasted thoughts? Are these things really important to me anymore?

Judge each other on the idea that we know anyone. Peace in the idea that we understand something we have no idea about. Ignorance is tolerated because we are all ignorant. There is no solution to any of this. Constantly asking ourselves, myself what is it that I know to be true?

We evolve in time within our minds. Not the same person I was before I died yet I feel the same as I ever have. Chasing a shadow in the dark. Searching for whatever it is that I have become. Monster or man what is the difference this far along?

At this point in time they have become one. Not sure I’m okay, but I’ll survive. Not sure I even have or had a choice in all this time. They say we do, but they also say there is a God that makes every decision for us. Conflicting conflict right there if you ask me. The world is evolve or die. God or man the laws are the same. Simple and complex all at the same time.

12 thoughts on “Paco Called In Sick Today”

    1. Over thinking for sure… I over think everything… I have a fear that I will die in my sleep… the odd part is I’m not afraid of dying, but all the things that I didn’t do… “Not afraid to die…. Afraid of what it is that I will leave behind”… Of course I over think this idea to the point that I do nothing at all… I’ve created a perfect loop of self hatred and disgust… Now where did I leave that glass…

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Afraid of all the things you didn’t do or the things you did?
        In any case, what’s the point of this self hatred? It doesn’t change the past, it won’t change the future, unless You start changing NOW…

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Afraid of the things that I didn’t do… I often taken on everything in my quest to do it all… I’m very much Boxer from Animal Farm… I need to learn not to be like that… Hard to change the nature of who you are… I’m working on it though…

        If I had to point at a root cause… It would be all the abuse that I have dealt with in my life… About nothing being good enough or how I didn’t do enough or I wasn’t this enough… It has become my fuel and I very much live in a world inside my head titled… What It Is to Burn… Abuse is a thing you either overcome or succumb to… I often forget which one I fall into….

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