Broken Up Thoughts (Vulgar)

Starting over once again
Here I am tell me what to do
I’m not sure why I am the way I am
Love the abuse I assume
Respect me for what I am not what you see
Asking the world to accept something that it can’t
Lost within the confines I set up myself
Built the wall only to rip it down for no reason at all
Waste of time
Standing for nothing yet pretending it makes me something
On the fence I suppose
Get me out of here, in my head
Too long of a vacation with nowhere to go
Locked away, deep inside
Sometimes saying something is saying nothing at all
So many words that I hate, use them over and over again
Bleeding ideas from my head
Forgive the fact I have nothing to say
Respect that I’ll try any ways

Most days I feel like killing myself. I don’t know what that says about my normal state of mind, but I’m guessing these feelings are on the wrong side of good. Pick myself up off the floor and keep going. I’m not going anywhere at a fast rate of speed and neither are these feelings. I try too hard for things that should come naturally. I try too hard for the things I think I want and half ass everything else. I have a mental disorder I think. I think I’m dumb or just stupid enough to not get it. By it I mean life. What is the point? To feel like this almost every day? I guess I’m succeeding in the end after all. Swimming in shit has been my life all along. A life line made of razor blades dangles in front of me. Should I take it or move on from these self-imposed feelings in my head?

Mix of emotions about how I feel
On one hand I care on the other
You could all burn in Hell
Damnation or something worse
Not sure, don’t care
It won’t matter once you’re all gone
Irresponsible, irregardless
Words don’t mean shit unless
You give them meaning
With love from my throne of broken bones
Forever condemned to live through your sins

How can we be more than half of the world’s population and still be in this kind of shit? Because men control much more than half of the world’s money. Money equals power, power equals control. We took the easy way out and now we have to take the long hard road to get to where we should have been all along. Is this sexist? It feels fucking sexist and I have been looking at it for over a year to try and make it not feel sexist. But I think I am trying too hard to make it not sexist that it is becoming sexist no matter what. Is it sexist to speak the truth? How does one judge something based solely on words and not actions? Am I a fucking sexist for caring if I might be one or for what I say? Women deserve better than the way we treat them, but some of it they do themselves. If you want to drive, fucking drive. If you want to wear something, fucking where it. Fuck anyone who tells you different. You be you and that is all that matters. .

15 thoughts on “Broken Up Thoughts (Vulgar)”

    1. It is pretty shitty we still have to talk about this… everyone deserves their rights… but no one is going to hand them to you… if they do… it is because someone else already paid in full for you… blood… struggle.. pain… there is a cost to everything…

      Liked by 3 people

  1. Reblogged this on borderline crossing and commented:
    “Most days I feel like killing myself. ” Still get those fleeting thoughts… and if i understood why I could stop them, but i do not understand what causes one to want to die. The grass growing? A dog barking? Can’t sit still long enough to do the things you use to love? Like a live electric wire that is burnt out but still trying to surge and end it all. Can’t really name the answer. And i don’t really understand the last paragraph… the sexist stuff. No time to get hung up on things that are not illusions, that we try and make into conclusions not really based on reality but emotion. Emotion is lethal and i really rather flee from all possible evidence that i am alive. It is like the day you cut your hair as short as Annie Lennox because you liked her music and wanted to scream as loud as she sung your favorite song.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. The sexist stuff… Is a little hard on women at certain points… As a feminist.. sometimes things I say come off sexist… It’s a weird thought space.. I don’t want to be seen as critical to women.. but sometimes it happens… As in that last paragraph… In general I have a “problem” with speaking my mind.. my filter is long been broken.. it is way worse in person because there is no back space… There is no edit… I get in trouble a lot in person so I shut my mouth… Often viewed as quiet… when in reality I am rather loud… I think a lot of us are like that as writers..

      Depression is depressing… I have thoughts about killing myself a lot.. but I’m too lazy… Too stubborn to let the world win… For me that is what it is… I won’t and don’t speak for others they have their own voice… But for me it is an over abundance of boredom that leads me to the thoughts… Why bother going on kind of idea… That or stress… Though the stress stuff… Money… Work… Life issues… If they are important stand up but somethings I’m just like ah fuck it… So what if I am broke?… So what I have to work a shitty job?… Could be worse and in the end none of it matters… Our impact on others matters more than these other things… I want to leave an impact that is lasting… But not a negative one… There are other thoughts here but I’ll leave them be for now… Short story after a long answer is killing one’s self is not the answer… There is always time to die… Never enough time to live… So keep on living… Give it a chance.. never know what lies beyond tomorrow…

      Thank you for the reblog… For sharing your thoughts… And for sparking emotions, thoughts, and feelings in myself…

      Liked by 3 people

  2. “Most days I feel like killing myself. ” Still get those fleeting thoughts… and if i understood why I could stop them, but i do not understand what causes one to want to die. The grass growing? A dog barking? Can’t sit still long enough to do the things you use to love? Like a live electric wire that is burnt out but still trying to surge and end it all. Can’t really say at all. J

    Liked by 3 people

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