Broken Up Thoughts

Fissures and cracks within my soul
Where they come from
I’m afraid I do not know
Relentless and forthcoming
I keep swimming
Even though I know I’m drowning
My body wants to stop, my mind says fuck it all
If I gave up now
What would be the point at all

 

Love is this thing we’ll
Never get back
Lies just fill up the cracks

 

Nothing feels like it used to
Everything feels as though it is something I have to do
Never ending list of shit I have to sit through
Becoming so bitter, became an old man running out of youth
Time is eternally ticking away
Slowly running out of reasons to live
I have the basics, but even those are becoming obsolete
Dragging my soul through day to day
Dancing through midnight, marching to the grave
Autopilot enabled and there’s no reason to think
Nothing feels like it used to
Lost hope that anything new will come along
Even as the world around me changes rapidly
No reason to believe that I will ever change
As I grow more and more obsolete

This is all about nothing more than notes on the subject. The subject of isolation. The subject of despair. Am I lost? What about me gives up the answers so easily? Signaling words with fire. Following the smoke only to know it goes right back here all along. My constant complaining has become something insignificant to how I feel on the subject of my soul. The drinking helps get past these made up feelings. Locked in a box. Clawing at the sides. Screaming for air until my last breath. Hope no one is dumb enough to let me out. A play on words. A play on the meaning of not knowing at all. A long walk to nowhere at all. Told to enjoy the view through swollen eyes. Whoever said I didn’t enjoy the pain? Gnawing on glass. Dripping blood on the thoughts. A bloody smile that should tell you all you need to know. I’m enjoying this more than I lead on. Chewing on glass is all I’ve ever need after all.

 

And so ends a long list of Broken Up Thoughts… I try to find some synergy to the thoughts… Either by a word or a line…. But today seemed like a perfect day to live up to the name….  Not everything in my head makes sense at all times… Not even sure where I am going with this statement… I took a few days off to get a handle on what it is that I want to say… Three days later and still no answers… Even went for a hike out in the woods behind my house… The isolating barrier I put between me and the rest of the world… Peeking through the curtains made of dead leaves and broken branches… I have to say… Not for me…. Maybe I’ve always been destined to keep my distance from a place I don’t understand… Who knew I had so much to say about nothing at all….

6 thoughts on “Broken Up Thoughts”

  1. “Love is this thing we’ll
    Never get back
    Lies just fill up the cracks”

    Your words are so beautiful, Layne. And they do not say nothing. They speak volumes! They speak a universal truth of lostness. And they may help you to write them down and may help others to read them. In reading the words of another lost soul we can find peace that we may all be lost, together. Xxx

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I know I have some catching up to do on these but… want to let you know…

    You really do string these up so touchingly. They resonate and bite! The glass is sharp and my mouth bleeds but it doesn’t hurt when you know and understand the BIG HEART behind these broken thoughts.

    Thank you for this chew! The glass has been stained in a beautiful hue and it’s tasty! 😑

    Hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

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