Yellow House, Brown Shutters

So this is what it is like to belong? Belong to a family? Feeling useless or pointless ninety percent of the time. Feeling awkward in a room full of people you tell half-truths too in order to feel superior or make them feel proud of you. Family is nothing more than a group of strangers pretending they give a shit. Society, in general, is the same thing. Thin little threads made of lies hold it all together until it is time to fall apart. My thoughts are my own but on some level, everyone in this room is thinking the same thing.

In some ways, I wish I could read minds. Not that I would have too in moments like this. More or less we are all the same even if we don’t want to be. We are all self-serving, egotistical assholes yet we can’t get along for five minutes of a real conversation or thought. When such a thing even comes up the room goes silent to the point that even a whisper is a scream because everyone is afraid to unravel the lie that we all get along.

Maybe we aren’t meant to get along? Maybe we are supposed to yell and fight and hate each other in the open? Maybe just how we feel inside is what it means to be human?

“What are you thinking about?” My Mother asks. “Nothing,” I take a bite of potatoes, “Nothing at all.”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” she smiles…

11 thoughts on “Yellow House, Brown Shutters”

  1. Brutal questions, man. But, what are the answers?
    I think everyone worries, and everyone feels inadequate sometimes. Some are just better at masking it than others. At the point we realize this, we can relax. This fact gives us power… That we dont use against people who are struggling.
    We just become content with ourselves and our incremental improvements. Stop trying O be the best at everything, and just be good at something that makes a difference.

    Man, you make me think! I love it.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Same here sir… same here… Trying to be the best at everything is the human way… Pushed even harder by our American dreams… If you aren’t the best?… What are we?… I try not to think like this… I try to not to think only about myself… But our culture… our way of life… bleeds in… Like the boy and the dam… you can’t stop every leak… and you can’t just give up… Brain on fire…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I only play against myself. The only way I stay sane. I ask “am I better today than yesterday?” and try to make sure the answer is yes. The only best I want to be is the best me.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. This is so on point with the thought processes when at family gatherings… not all my family. But a lot of them. And generally any social outings that involve people who aren’t… you know… people I actually like.
    It is impossible not to think of ourselves. Because we are ourself. And if we don’t think of ourself then we may stop looking after ourselves and then we will stop being ourself…
    So, as distasteful as it my be to be “self serving” sometimes… it is a necessary evil…
    I’m rambling… I’m so tired I’m not even sure if I have stayed on topic…
    *blinks slowly
    I will come back in the morning and reread…
    I love the last lines… so perfect.
    Hugs, Layney Bear
    Hope you are getting some shuteye… shut-eye… shut eye…
    *falls asleep on keyboard

    Liked by 2 people

    1. haha.. just woke up and thought it was Saturday… still recovering from this week… Hope to be back to normal after tomorrow… Being self serving is a necessary evil… but I find that it sucks… I try not to be that way… It just seems to happen…


      1. It is your intentions and your actions for others that make the difference…
        It is Saturday here… sorry. If you lived in Aus it would be the weekend right now! But it would also be hot…
        Don’t make yourself feel bad for being self serving sometimes. It is hard to fight human nature. Just the fact that you are aware of it and want to add some more … others serving … (nope, Amberley… nope) then it shows you are good peoples. *Hugs Layney Bear
        *Can tell Layney Bear hates the cuddle more than the world hates spiders
        *Steps away and gives Layne a friendly pat on the shoulder

        Liked by 1 person

      2. haha… I’m not that much of a hater of hugs… I want to say spiders are awesome, but I don’t know if I have ever seen a true spider the way you have… In my mind I see you as a warrior ready to fight off a giant spider… but in reality you probably are like hey bro… get the fuck out… Spider gets all sad… I was just hungry… opens the door and sulks out of the house….


      3. I have literally gone through my front and back yards with a petrol can and a lighter to pour it doqn their holes and set them on fire… no joke. I’m not scared of spiders at all but if the bad ones get in the house and bite you… you are kinda fucked. A small child has about 4 minutes before death. So… warrior… I’ll take that title…
        That is why I said the world’s hatred for spiders lol or something like that… cause most of the world don’t like them.
        I had written “*hugs Layney Bear” and then I remembered our convo and imagined you getting ridgid (I re typed that a fair few times cause every time it sounded dirty… and that’s not what I’m about.) But yeah… I felt bad for the Layney in my mind. Lol gonna send you a pic on Twitter dm of one of the bastards that we anually set on fire… I know that sounds fucking horrible … but … well
        … yeah. Kids.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. 4 minutes until death sounds horrible… Light them up… using gasoline seems a little extreme… but the dark side of my mind likes it… Digital hugs are okay… as you said in the same convo… hugs from strangers is not okay… hugs from friends is all good… : )


      5. Yeah it isn’t nice.
        I feel bad and then I hear about a child dying because one of the little buggers was on a toy or a boot or a pair of shorts and I think… nope. Fuck all that…
        *eyes glow menacingly as her house burns to the ground…
        * runs and hugs Layney Bear
        * imagines he still doesn’t really like it

        Liked by 1 person

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