Lately, I have been feeling as though everything is escaping me. As though life itself is nothing more than a silly, meaningless game that I have to play. Win or lose, rich or poor, but unlike a game, I can’t start over or walk away. I hate this feeling. This looming feeling of waiting to die because I have nothing else better to do. It is a waste and worst of all I know it is. Though I do nothing to change or fix the odds in my favor. If this was a game by now I would have found a way to cheat.
I’d find a way to make it all seem easier or seem more fun. In reality, though it doesn’t get better and all the fun is long gone. I’m an adult now. Any new experience is only one I’ve felt before taken to some new extreme. Any thought is only one I have repeated to myself one more damn time. All that I need to know to survive is known to me to some degree or another. I would like to think that life still has some surprise left for me, but in my heart, I know it really doesn’t. Life is what it is, and what it is, is pretty shitty.
The world is left with broken dreams and heartache. Bleak, I know. The truth often is. The truth is often the worst thing about life. It is the lies that we truly enjoy. It is lies that move us in our minds and in our lives. We would like to think that it is the opposite the other way around, but it has never been that way. Our past is made up of lies and so is our future. I’ll lie and say that isn’t all right, that isn’t the way it should be. But in truth it is alright and that is the way it is. If it wasn’t for lies most if not all of us would be dead, dying, or in the ground.
I think, I know that is why we follow a religion, false prophets, science or any other bullshit we drug ourselves with. These false promises of something better made out of lies. These things are not better. They are only the same with different surroundings. Heaven is no way to live just a lie we tell ourselves to keep going. A dream to push us to that next level, but every level is the same. Play any game it is the same. The outcome and the process, are the same.
If you want to get to where I am. Start ripping out the stitches made of lies. Pull the skin apart and realize we were all we ever needed to survive.