Broken Thoughts

Always standing and watching
Participation is only an option
Waiting through the darkness
Copying, pasting thoughts and ideas
My thoughts have never been
Mine and Mine alone

Generations of bending and shaping
A never ending conclusion of thought

Walking this as slow as I can
The rush to die wasted on the youth
Thoughts of immortality disappear with every year
To be trapped in this old casket
Would be hell
The sands of time will only weigh me down from here
Giving in was never an option
It was always the plan

Away From Me
Your words don’t inspire me
They dig, carve out a place within my soul
A den of deceit, lies, beauty to unfold
They consume, swallow me whole
Every instance of instinct
Every truth of existence
Proves my point as it grows
The thoughts burn up inside me
I’m burning down slowly
Ashes given back to the earth
Lonely, depressed maybe this is what I deserve
A life wasted on dreams, on the absurd
The more I want it the further it seems
What is it that I want so badly in these dreams?
The fire must rage, fuel to the flame
Even if it is slowly killing me all the same
What do I have left
Ashes, condemned to my last breath

So sick of being me
Lost all religion
Lost everything when you cried
Dragging myself through this hell
No longer recognize what I’ve become
It’s a long road traveled or not
Feel the pain of a thousand worlds
Carry with me every word ever said
Brain won’t shut up
Movies playing in my head
Every thing that could have been
Memories of you faded in the background
How I wish I could
Change any of this
Once spoken, said forever
Only one way to end it all
Only one word that means anything

Separate skin from bone
Shaving off the fat left behind
Drinking the blood of Christ to let go
Was there the moment he died so long ago
Endless in time, the moments tick by
How I wish I could only go home

23 thoughts on “Broken Thoughts”

    1. living on the edge for sure… maybe the outskirts of society?… but we have cake so it’s not all bad… and it’s gone… that’s not good….

      thank you for the kind words… not sure I’ve ever made someone’s guts tremble… I’m taking it as a compliment… only because it sounds so dark.. : )

      Liked by 2 people

  1. This is the droning sandpaper litany that keeps a man up at night. Unresolved thoughts that never become manifest, but linger in the periphery, just outside view and just outside reach. We can’t look directly at them, but we know they’re there. Like trying to look at the side of your head in the mirror.

    Your writing is like holding up a second mirror so you can see how your thoughts really look in the dual reflection. Disturbing, and familiar, which is more disturbing to be honest. I’m identifying with this as I recoil from it.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you… some days it feels like I have shattered the mirror… only to play around with the left over pieces… even after what’s left has long been taken away… the scars will always remain… a tattered and torn existence… I no longer want the pain… though I have come to crave it…

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I understand too well about not wanting the pain, but accepting it and even, dare I say, being addicted to it. Fortunately, I don’t like being addicted to things. I have this one blind spot… but mirrors again… help me cover them.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. So…I’ve been thirsting for something to read, something to permeate this existence, to move some particles within my brain and soul and I didn’t know where to search for it or even how. We connected once, you and I on a “poem” (heavy in the quotation marks there” ) I’d written a while ago. I thought, I’ll pop over and see. I felt it was a magnet. So….I read this and wanted to tell you that it was as though you were whispering this inside my head. And the turmoil coupled with the acceptance and surrender to that turmoil, resounded like a deep, low ‘A’ note.
    This: “No longer recognize what I’ve become
    It’s a long road traveled or not
    Feel the pain of a thousand worlds
    Carry with me every word ever said
    Brain won’t shut up
    Movies playing in my head
    Every thing that could have been
    Memories of you faded in the background
    How I wish I could
    Change any of this
    Once spoken, said forever
    Only one way to end it all
    Only one word that means anything…”

    My effing eff…. Brilliant. I’ve gushed a little here but you truly gave me what I needed today. X

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I do remember that amazing poem… I’m glad I could return the favor… I’m super excited that you stopped by… I have been meaning to pay you a visit as well… I have been a little behind lately at reading posts… Thank you…

      Liked by 1 person

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