Not Much Left To Say

Dress all in black to match my shadow
Fit into my skin, stretched out and hollow
Wash away my sins
When there’s no way left to win
Bleeding me dry to exist
So tired of throwing the same old fit
Most days wish I did not exist
Suicide is pointless when no one gives a shit
The world works so unlike the mind
Lost in time, stuck in place
Who I am, Who I want to be
Sell my soul, nothing left to sell though
The devil makes deals than God must as well
No one, nothing safe from sin and corruption
Sex sells, cheaply given away, cast aside
Question everything ever presented to me
What am I worth if I’ve felt worthless along
Attacking my own mind, my own worst enemy
Hidden behind my eyes
Poisoning my own self to feel like the rest
Who needs a shepherd when we have ourselves
Conforming but don’t know what for
Too much shit on my mind and none of it matters at this time
Sixteen days, sixteen years what’s the difference
When it all slips away
I feel so naked without a place to go
Life in boxes, moving pictures with poor resolution
I wanted so much now there is so much left that I do not want
Contradictions become constricting
Venomous snake wrapped around my neck
The noose is alive and well as I begin to sweat
Sticky, sweet flesh of flesh
Bone to bone, I don’t think I have much left to lose
If I gave you enough reasons
Would all of this make any sense
Lost in the words
Lost in time
Space is an abstract thought
We all have to rationalize
This land is your land
Until I take it back
A worthless idea
Propagated the demand
For something free

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I know that it is Thursday… I know I’m supposed to talk out of my ass about some topic I barely understand or relate too… But I haven’t really been in the mood… sucks because there have been some pretty crazy topics as of late… Like how Facebook knows more about me than my own mother… honestly they might know more about me than I do… feel kind of bad for them… too bad they couldn’t take these broken feeling out of my mind… their recent ads at least tell me they are trying… With a Nailgun and a Few Boards… isn’t a half bad title for a book… haha… I kid… how am I supposed to put the last nail in?… not logical at all… oh well…

Then there are the school walkouts… good for them… wish we would have been smart enough to do that sooner… this next generation is something else… agree or disagree with their reasons… you have to admit… it takes a lot to make a stand… is there anything more American?… besides suppression?…

Teachers asking for more money… they deserve it… anyone willing to make our lives better… deserves more money… at least some food stamps… or free housing… something… I mean I am willing to do just about anything… but teach children?… maybe in hell… well my dark thoughts just washed away… life is good.. keep smiling… and give them some more damn money… 

Update… Lemons and I are really behind on Lemonade and Glass… We have both been going through a lot… not with each other… but separately… that’s all that needs to be said about that really… I mean I’ve been busy trying to drown myself in my own tears… so far it hasn’t worked… fingers crossed… and she has been busy being an awesome person… we are trying to cover the spectrum of life right now… we are kicking ass at that… But hopefully, I can read her last email and start setting up the next installments next month… not really sure when I will be getting myself out of this bathtub… What did you think I was using a glass?… I’m not that smart… But you had to know that by now… 

In the meantime… here is a music video instead of my usual sad shitty sales pitch… links are at the top… I think… I really need to get out of the house… or at least the bathroom… 

23 thoughts on “Not Much Left To Say”

  1. I’m entering my comment here, as instructed.
    I don’t really rant about much anymore, because it’s draining. The constant struggle and fight, I think, trains my brain to see everything as contentious. I’m trying to avoid that.

    Liked by 3 people

      1. I agree… as good as they feel to write sometimes, you have to put on those shit coloured glasses to write them… sometimes it is hard to take them off…
        I love my rant posts and empress posts… but I have to be angry to write them… and I don’t want to be angry anymore…

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Right. New ways of being angry and offended, and it never seems to stop. You can’t change people on the internet. Being angry takes a lot of energy. It’s justified at times, but not constantly.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. “We have both been going through a lot… not with each other… but separately… that’s all that needs to be said about that really…” lol you’re cute.

    Yep the shit seem to be coming thick and fast lately, but we are still moving forward… nothing can stop us, Layney bear. You’re a great friend and a true sweetheart. I am grateful for you.

    Get out of the tub, hunny bunny… the sun is coming out now… big hugs. Big love

    Liked by 2 people

  3. 🦊
    If WordPress was the only thing I had to care about… It would be so nice…
    But sadly we all have boring lives outside of the internet realm that we need to continue to live through…
    I haven’t even posted anything this month…
    I hope you figure out what you’re going through and come out on top…
    Loads of love
    ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you… as all things… this too shall pass…

      Don’t worry about trying to produce for wordpress… stressing about it won’t help… you do have a lot of important things going on right now… not that writing isn’t important… one thing at a time… there is a difference between rushing and not sitting still… finding the balance is always hard… writing is one of those things when it is there.. it is there… and when it isn’t well… that’s when it is time to read… play guitar… relax… and think about something else… before you know it… you will be writing again… I once had a year where I didn’t basically write for a year… a few sentences here and there… maybe a stanza… then one day… I found myself working on three separate book ideas… still am… haha… but sometimes on the path of writing it is okay to step off now and then… step back and think about what it really is that you want to say… there is an infinite ways to say what it is that you want to say… you just have to find the way that works for you… so take the time you need… have fun with it…

      Like

      1. 🦊
        Layne! Thank you for giving me this advice
        The thing is
        When I write something
        And leave it for a while
        And return to it
        It won’t seem as cool as it was
        Sometimes I think of something really cool, a great story idea or something
        I manage to write a lot
        And leave it for a day or two
        And then when I return to write it again
        It seems like the dumbest idea ever…

        I hope all’s well now, with you….
        😊

        Liked by 1 person

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