A Child’s Sensabilty

Time for another turn of The Ungame… this weeks question…

 

What Do You Like To Do In Your Spare Time?

 

Things over the last few years have changed as far as spare time for me… Somethings I have always done or been into… the change happened when I no longer saw writing as a hobby or spare time activity… but rather something I wanted to do with my life… up until then though writing is a lot of what I did in my spare time… well it still is… though I don’t see that as spare time anymore… I see writing more as my other job… an issue that may come up in another post… so what do I do with my spare time?…

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Comics… I read a lot of comics… which is to say that I try to… the stack gets taller and taller every month… single issues… graphic novels… they’re all stacked up on my desk… some of the comics that I make sure to read every month are Kill or Be Killed… Evolution… Malefic… Port of Earth… a wide range of comics… I’m not really big into DC and Marvel as much… Batman White Knight has been really good… I’m/ was really into Gwenpool and Spider Gwen… but the one series was canceled and the other is on its last few issues… I am pretty much done with Marvel and DC at this point… the movies are a whole separate thing for me… but as far as comics go… there are just too many things I don’t like about them than I like about them anymore… I’m not sure if that is mostly about getting older or an actual criticism of comics… as a writer, there are always going to be things I think I could have done better… But to me, the last few years of comics from the big two have been mostly pointless… 

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Legos… I used to spend more time playing with Legos… but now I just dabble with them from time to time… this lack of Lego building though is because of money and my daughter… before she was born and even in the first few years, I had them all to myself… now that she has gotten older… well Lego time is mostly me building things for her to destroy… then there is the overall cost… I can mentally justify the cost of the Legos… but not when I’m not really building like I was… 

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Movies and TV shows… I used to watch an ungodly amount of films… I’ve dialed back a lot as I’ve gotten older… in college, I worked at a video store… yeah they used to have those… and my wife worked in a movie theater… I would say that was the peak of my movie watching time… there were a few years there where I saw just about every movie to come out… I used to watch so many movies that I could guess the title and year of the movie by just seeing the first thirty seconds of the film… based on film grade… opening song… and if an actor or actresses name came up?… it was a done deal… yeah I was really bad… now I mostly watch Stand Up Comedy on Netflix… Have you seen the new Tig Notaro special?… I’m also a fan of Bill Burr… Chris Rock… Louis C.K. (the jokes, not the man)… Marc Maron… Ali Wong… and D.L. Hughley… I watch a lot of stand up… 

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And the final thing that I like to do in my spare time is Art… in fact I haven’t been writing that much lately because I have been focusing more on art… Which is why I feel pretty rusty right now… and I am in a super hurry to get things done… for that, I apologize… trying to get all the post done for next week in a day and I am running on zero ideas… need to be more responsible with my spare time… or so it seems… 

 

Lemonade and Glass Take 5…

Part 1Part 2Part 3Part 4

And we are back with more exciting picks for our playlist… with the power of Lemonade and Glass combined… we present… some more songs… with some more thoughts… 

New Songs to the playlist

Glass

  1. The Package by A Perfect Circle
  2. Beat the Devils Tattoo by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
  3. Unglued by Stone Temple Pilots
  4. Little Room by The White Stripes
  5. 3rd Planet by Modest Mouse

Lemon

1.      Honest Eyes by Black Tide

2.      State of Mind by Merril Bainbridge

3.      Radioactive by Imagine Dragons

4.      The Phoenix by Fall Out Boy

5.      Everything is Awesome by Tegan and Sara

 

Little Room by The White Stripes (Glass)

I think this track is relatable to anyone who has ever created a large project either musically, artistically, or as a writer… or maybe even as a student… fucking thesis…  I find that I have this problem all the time… I’m constantly rearranging my office… changing out the old whiteboard… staring at a wall… any excuses to blame my lack of creativity on… because it can’t be me and I could never burn out… I mean I am perfect and always full of ideas… or is that shit?…

Honest Eyes by Black Tide (Lemons)

To be entirely honest, I found this song from a video game. I’m not ashamed. Street Fighter X Tekken. I love violent button bashers. I love violent games full stop. And the intro to this game is this song with a bunch of really awesome fight sequences, complete with slow-punching and superhero movie style cinematography. I think I will actually link the trailer so you can both hear the song and see how nerdy I am… 

I love this song. It is perfect for air drums. And makes driving epic. Car screaming the shit out of the entire thing. “Hate…I’m filled with hate, and guilt, and regret…How did I get so lost…Fight…I’ll end this fight; pull myself out…Save myself at all costs…Give me my…My life back”

Beat the Devil’s Tattoo by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club (Glass)

That’s one hell of a name… another life soundtrack song for me… “Sleeping on a razor there is nowhere else to fall”… the chanting is one of my favorite parts of this song… “Everyone is king when there is no one left to pawn”… this would make an amazing tattoo… look for no more truth than this idea… “I’ll thread the needle if you give me the Devil tattoo, I’ll thread the needle if you give me the Devil tattoo”… I think everyone gets to this point… a broken state that is beyond giving in… for me it is work… for other’s, it may be something else… I think this idea that the “Devil” can only be human is basically a false narrative… the “Devil” can be anything…. drugs, sex, violence, anger, or pain… we fight so many things and only have one thing to blame… it is important to not give in to these things…

State of Mind by Merril Bainbridge (Lemons)

When I was (fuck…) 12 I loved this entire album. I would listen to it in its entire length. I still love it. I listen to it now and think “what the actual fuck did a twelve year old get out of this?” This little nerd girl reading books, riding horses and listening to Merril Bainbridge talking about sex, relationships and… how ever you want to interpret this song. “I feel it…Tearing at my soul while I’m asleep…I feel it…Driving me to something I’ll regret” Sounds a little stabby… Maybe that’s why I like it.

 

That’s it for this week… be back in two weeks with three more songs each and a youtube playlist for those of you without Spotify… or an endless cascade of albums locked away in your home… 

Ambrose

Bahahahaha I do not miss CDs or tapes… Alright, maybe tapes a little bit. Yep, sorry we will not be on next week. It is my bad, well, not bad. Just my life lemons encroaching on things again.

Lemons

Getting to Know You Better…

Welcome to week three of The Ungame… This week’s question is throwing back to fun… as opposed to last week’s more serious question… 

 

This week’s question… What Talent Do You Wish You Had?

 

I’m pretty sure Ward and Lemons could guess this answer because we all joke about it all the time…I wish I had any talent for music… I’d play a fucking oboe if I could… I’ve loved music… ever since I was young… long tirade about my love for music can be found here every Sunday… (Lemonade and Glass)… the point is before I started writing… well that’s a lie… I actually started writing first… but I was writing mostly lyrics to songs in my head… by that I mean through my headphones because that is the problem… I don’t hear music in my head… I can play one good beat on the drums.. but honestly, I think we all have a beat that runs through us… it is just that some of us have more than one… that’s me… one beat pony… that wants to be the unicorn with a taped on horn… 

I started by trying to learn the bass… because no parent wants drums in their house… even me… haha… eventually at fifteen I convinced my mother to let me get a drum set… I played… and played… that same god damn beat until even I couldn’t take it…  I would try other beats… but somehow, I just kept playing the same god damn beat over and over again… I’m really good at that beat… around this time I was really into Nine Inch Nails… I like that they used a lot of samples… this appealed to me because I could never find anyone that wanted to make the music I wanted too… even this I couldn’t pull off…

In a lot of ways… I folded a lot of my musical aspirations into writing… Drinking Bleach… is from this whole concept album I had about a band… The Last Great Band… is based on the band I wanted to create… this offensive, genre mashing,  goth, punk, death metal band, and whatever… all of that fell through… turns out you can’t have a band without music… I was always more about the image… the idea… creating the characters in the band… see where I am going with this… took me a long ass time to see that it wasn’t the music I had a talent at… it was everything else… so that’s where I am now… wishing I was a drummer in the last great band… and digging out words buried in my head… 

 

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Can’t wait to hear about your repressed talent… don’t forget to drop a comment… I know it is much easier to just talk to the screen like I do… see you on Friday… for more words I’ve found lying around… 

Threadless

Amazon

 

Broken Thoughts

Beaten up and broken boned
I’ve become the whore that none of us knows

How many times does it take until it hurts
Leaving is a luxury we don’t all have
In the end, we all leave somehow
Breaking the silence of your crimes
A sign of the times, here and now
Destroyed, life still must go on
Even when everything feels dead and gone
Must keep leaving myself behind
Piece by piece, little by little
Become the monster that we all love and adore

List to get what I want

  1. Self-sacrifice
  2. Destroy all contact
  3. Become self-aware asshole
  4. Isolate myself from myself
  5. Have talent
  6. Become co-dependent on substance

 

It’s desperate times, but your desperate measures
Are not working out
It’s a desperate time full of all things to come
Bringing down all those around you
Desperation seems to be the word of the day
How I feel and all I have to say
Can’t say I don’t enjoy this at least a little bit
Down to my level, drowning in shit
As if we cared about anything other than ourselves
Selfish ideas manifest beyond selfishness
I once cared now I’m not sure anymore
My notes on the incident guide me through the darkness
Big bang it was once called, a theory
No one knows anything that happens to us
If we mattered don’t you think that there would be answers
The good book, made up of stories to explain the time
God is nothing more than the voice in your head
God is not what you think it is
God is, God is the reason we must go on

“When the rich got carpet bombed that’s when you knew shit was never going to be the same,” Francis Eviter… Fuck Off and Go Away… page 34…

(Good luck enjoying this.. without the beat in my head..)
Tell you once again but it doesn’t matter does it

The way it is, how it’s going to be
Fuck me, so tired, so sick of all this shit
I’m sure you didn’t hear me but what I said was
Nothing that matters anymore
Taking everything, taking responsibility for shit I didn’t do
Nothing new, all the same to you
Nothing new, never going to change
Move on to different topics
Only had something to say despite the words
Despite everything, things keep going don’t they
You loud mouth, useless, fuck
Tattoo the words to your face
Could you, would you, understand them this time
Nothing that matters anymore
Mumbling words into your maggot filled corpse
The way it is, how it should have always been

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What the fuck am I trying to say anymore?… my mind is stuck in this weird place… stuck staring at lines… saying fuck it and moving on… my head is in this place… a place between… doing something… and doing nothing at all… throwing shit against the wall… just because I hate it all… who the fuck do I think I am?… worthless at the moment… a thousand fucking degrees… sweating out the thoughts that no one cares about at all… my head hurts and I don’t care… slamming it into the desk… seems to be the only thing I can do anymore… 

Having a great day… see you all on Wednesday for round 3 of the Ungame… 

 

ThreadlessAmazon…  the sales won’t make me happy… but it pays for the medication… duality of being fucking crazy… 

 

 

Lemonade and Glass Keeping This Alive… part 4

 

Part 1Part 2Part 3

 

Heart-shaped Box by Nirvana (Lemons)

I know, I know. How unoriginal of me. But I fucking love the shit out of this song and it is our list. Lol

I used to sing this song a lot while I was knocked up. I used to sway and sing it as if it were a lullaby. Especially given the lyrics and their possible meaning. Talks of Courtney Love’s “Tar pit trap” and “Meat eating orchid” … yeah… Damn women, using their lady bits to ensnare men since… forever. I joke, but it is partially true. But I just love this haunting melody and you simply can’t beat Kurt’s voice.

 

All You Ever Wanted by The Black Keys (Glass)

This duo… is insane… this track… this track is one that is a soundtrack for my life… another great track to walk into work too… or for the drive home… “All you ever wanted was for someone to treat you nice and kind”… “Take a step before running, Take a breath now before you die”… “When you work the streets darling, Make sure your sneaker laces get tied”… “I’ll be your black bird darling, Hanging on your telephone wire”… At one point I was going to write a TV show… years ago… this was to be the theme song to the show… the music fit the images in my head so well… oh well… shit happens… ideas change… fuck you cartoon network… 

 

Wicked Sensitive Crew by Dropkick Murphys (Lemons)

I love me some Celtic Punk and who are the kings of that? This song is just good. And the fact that they say “In Sydney they misunderstood us” … Well, that just sums up my hometown… I don’t have any strange memories associated with this song, I just like it.

“Yeah, we’re touchy, feely, sensitive guys. I ain’t ashamed I cried when Mickey died in Rocky II.” The band actually came out and said that they know the lyric is not correct, but “Rocky II” simply sounded better.

(Me again… stealing the thunder from down under… amazing band to see live… on a side note if you ever get a chance to see Flogging Molly live… take it… even if you aren’t a fan… they are one of those bands where the records don’t do them justice… Like the Murphy’s…)

 

Cookie Thumper by Die Antwoord (Glass)

(I did edit out the first two minutes of this video… I know not cool… but you can always start it over if you want…)

I’m not a fan of this intro… because I want to get to the song… but it sets up the rest of the song and no one said you had to love everything one of your favorite bands does… Do I like this band because they are awesome?.. Do I like this group because of the lyrics?… Because of their style?… Their personality of not giving a fuck?… Because Yolandi is the sexiest woman I have ever seen?… Who the fuck knows…. But I can’t get enough… Zef for Life… “I smell lovely because I don’t eat meat”…

 

Already Gone by Powderfinger (Lemons)

I need to add an Aussie band in every now and then. I have zero idea if anyone outside of Australia knows who these guys are… Surely you do? Right?

Well, if you have never heard this song, please listen then come back and tell me if you do not relate to this fucking song.

“You’ve been working all your life. All weekends and overtime.” Who hasn’t been there?

“All these things are on your mind. And you can’t relax in a scheduled life” yep… I feel that…

“So keep your love forever young” … true story.

All work and no play. Love and relationships not being what they once were, or never were but should have been. Yep. All of those things. Sing it guys.

 

Wave of the Mutilation by The Pixies

It’s the fucking Pixies… that and that alone is enough… also, check out the UK Surf version… because somehow they took a great track and made it better… The Pixies…

 

That went quicker than I expected… Next week we add five more songs each to the playlist…and tell more stories about how they inspire us… See you then…

Ambrose (Glass)

Shedding The Dead Skin

my side would it have made a difference?… these questions have no answers… these questions, therefore, are not real questions at all… they are only lingering thoughts that haunt me in times of sadness and despair…

Left a little space for what I have to say
Fuck off and go away

My head is not on right today
As though I’ve run out of things to say

With scars so deep it is amazing I can even sleep

try to not focus on them, to dwell on them, but I always know they are still there… my daughter has become a constant reminder of this… I look at her sometimes as she sleeps, as she plays, and all I can think is how could anyone walk away from her?… walk away from their child?… hurt their child?…

Like a shotgun blast to the chest, I’m back and I’m dead. Can’t stand all the words in my head.

We are all running from something

Finding a place to fill in my heart
That place between living and dying

yet I am proof that it can happen… not only a witness… a victim… still I don’t understand… a real thought… turns into so many real questions… maybe it was always meant to be this way?… to feel this way?… 

The worst part of being alive
Is knowing that you are human

I’m on the wrong side of hating it
Wrong side of hate

I’m surprised you haven’t gone onto choke on a dick yet

do I believe in God?… should I?… if this is her way of testing me… could she stop?… I think I’ve had enough… who cares what I think… when I’ve never had a say… faith… like the questions… is something… I don’t understand…

Drowning angels in a river of sin
Sure there’s got to be an easier way

This is how you kill an hour
Staring at a wall

Too pissed to say anything that means anything
Mind cluster fucked by all the shit you can’t seem to say

You look back and think this is fucked up, this part was wrong, but in reality, this is life… Nothing ever goes perfectly… Nothing goes to plan… Do the best you can and hope for even more… There’s no script for this shit… It just is or isn’t… sometimes… in some ways… it can be both…

It’s symbolic of the way I feel

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Ghost small

Missing you with every passing moment
Haunting you in the dark
Right there all along
Watching you
With
A
Haunted
Love

The Ungame… Turn 2…

For those unfamiliar with The Ungame… well this might be awkward… 

 

This week’s question… What does America mean to you?

First a side note… because of course… This was actually the first question that I saw when I opened the box… thought it was a little heavy for week one… but week two why not?…

Good old America… as some of you may know… I grew up outside of the United States… so my opinion will vary drastically or it won’t… to me America was always this place I was from… but I didn’t understand… a land of contradictions… a land of freedoms and a fuck ton of restrictions on them… on the flip side of all of that… my mother’s job for most of my life was to protect those freedoms… 

To me, America is a land of opportunity… I like to believe that anyone… can come here and do whatever they dream… a hazy childlike approach to our great country I know… how much of it is true?… very little… more so than other countries… sure… growing up from the outside… I don’t believe that we are the greatest country… or the worst… I also don’t believe there is any country that is the “greatest”… some are different… some have better things… some shit is exactly the same… nationalism is important to a certain degree… I witnessed that first hand when I went to China…

What I saw there… shaped my view of America… what I saw for the first time… was so different… so extreme… selling this way harder than I need too… When I was in China (2006)… the last night I believe… our tour group went to a fancy restaurant in Beijing… to try some type of duck… I was young… the moments weren’t all important… as we passed the locals and were led to this large second room full of foreigners each at their own large table… Germans… Koreans… Australians… Norwegians… Japanese… other’s I imagine… the room was packed… the room was loud… so many languages at once…

The Americans… were led to our table… we took our seats… some of us whispering to each other… could barely hear the person next to me… as she complained that she wasn’t going to eat the duck because of the bird flu… ignorance… but she was older… had a lot left to live for… I guess… we all do in a sense… as we sat there in silence… it became obvious that the other groups weren’t just talking loudly… they were singing… laughing… drinking in their own culture in a faraway land… while our table tried to not stare at one another… I’m as guilty as the rest… I didn’t say much beyond thank you when my food arrived… What would we even say to each other?… What do we have in common?…  

I was surrounded by strangers… at the table… around it… in the building… even though it felt odd… it also felt very normal… America is a melting pot… we take the best of all the cultures around us… but we never learned to actually unite those ideas… we visit them… dip our toes in… but we don’t understand them… our cities… our states… are segregated to a point… much of it has to do with money… but it also has to do with culture… sure anyone can move to any part of town they want too… but just like I knew to not speak at that table… we know where we should be and where we shouldn’t… Too bad the government never figured that out… Land of contradictions as I said… 

 

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