Shedding The Dead Skin

my side would it have made a difference?… these questions have no answers… these questions, therefore, are not real questions at all… they are only lingering thoughts that haunt me in times of sadness and despair…

Left a little space for what I have to say
Fuck off and go away

My head is not on right today
As though I’ve run out of things to say

With scars so deep it is amazing I can even sleep

try to not focus on them, to dwell on them, but I always know they are still there… my daughter has become a constant reminder of this… I look at her sometimes as she sleeps, as she plays, and all I can think is how could anyone walk away from her?… walk away from their child?… hurt their child?…

Like a shotgun blast to the chest, I’m back and I’m dead. Can’t stand all the words in my head.

We are all running from something

Finding a place to fill in my heart
That place between living and dying

yet I am proof that it can happen… not only a witness… a victim… still I don’t understand… a real thought… turns into so many real questions… maybe it was always meant to be this way?… to feel this way?… 

The worst part of being alive
Is knowing that you are human

I’m on the wrong side of hating it
Wrong side of hate

I’m surprised you haven’t gone onto choke on a dick yet

do I believe in God?… should I?… if this is her way of testing me… could she stop?… I think I’ve had enough… who cares what I think… when I’ve never had a say… faith… like the questions… is something… I don’t understand…

Drowning angels in a river of sin
Sure there’s got to be an easier way

This is how you kill an hour
Staring at a wall

Too pissed to say anything that means anything
Mind cluster fucked by all the shit you can’t seem to say

You look back and think this is fucked up, this part was wrong, but in reality, this is life… Nothing ever goes perfectly… Nothing goes to plan… Do the best you can and hope for even more… There’s no script for this shit… It just is or isn’t… sometimes… in some ways… it can be both…

It’s symbolic of the way I feel

cropped-website-logo.jpg

Ghost small

Missing you with every passing moment
Haunting you in the dark
Right there all along
Watching you
With
A
Haunted
Love

13 thoughts on “Shedding The Dead Skin”

  1. Beautiful and painful. I like the talking to yourself aspect. Sometimes I am the only one who understands me. Sometimes I have no one to talk to except myself because the person who knew everything in my heart now hates me and everything I am and have become. I don’t think I like myself much anymore. But I look at my little one and think, well, he loves me. But he only knows me as “mummy”. If he knew the real me, would he hate me too?
    I think on a very true level, we are alone. Because even if you find that person who seems to fill parts of you that were missing, they can easily turn away from you because you are a prick or you are acting like an arsehole and it makes them want nothing to do with you.
    Thanks for always sharing truth and realm things. Not many people do

    Liked by 2 people

    1. 🦊
      I love you both…
      Layne is my favourite
      So are you
      And… I will never turn away from you guys no matter what you guys do…
      I know that we all suck… And I know how it feels when nobody comes to your rescue…
      You guys are awesome!
      At least in my eyes…

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Layne is a beautiful soul. I hope he knows that. That you even place me in the same hug as his is wonderful.
        I love you and adore you and I will always be here for you.
        You don’t suck. And neither does he and lately…I think…neither do I!

        Hugs filled with squishiness
        X

        Liked by 2 people

    2. I know the feeling… I think some of what you are feeling is self inflicted… a side effect of thinking too much… feeling too much… we often get too caught up in the words… read too much into them… think too much about them… that by the time we are done… we have written the words that we want to hear rather than the ones that we heard…

      Your little one loves you because you are awesome… think about it… have you ever really had to lie about who you are to him?… have you ever had to be someone you are not around him?… out of anyone in this whole planet… he is the only person you have ever been truly honest too… the only person you have never had to hide who you are…

      Sorry for the late response… and keep being you…

      Liked by 1 person

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