Broken Thoughts

Dismembered, disemboweled
There may be something I have to figure out
Bleeding for a while now
How long can I live
After I’ve bled it all out
If the heart keeps ticking
Does the mind just shut it out
I feel as if the thoughts
Contradicted the actions that I’m feeling

 

How can this fall apart in such a short amount of time
1,000 days, brain soaked in Monster
Twitching for the very things I regret
How can I be this fucked up in the head
How come all I ever wish for is to be dead

 

Planes falling from the skies
I wish I didn’t have to believe all your lies
The drugs haven’t kicked in
The shock of it all is more than set
Wondering how much this is going to hurt
When it sets in, set into the ground
Praying for something more than the truth
If this is the end than let it end
These past few years have been
More than I ever care to stand
An eternity like this might as well be hell
At this point heaven can go fuck itself
How long does it take to hit the ground
A whole lot longer than it does to take off

 

Starving for a moment
Waiting for my time in the sun
Like every other sad fuck that I know
Working hard to do nothing at all
Society will fuck you with no reason why
Sleeping with my eyes open
Hoping for a moment that won’t come true
Something for nothing would be fantastic
Do I deserve this at all
Does anyone deserve anything
Meant to die, still holding on
I can’t remember the lines or how they go
Something along the line will bring them out of me
A process in the moment of clarity
Too busy getting fucked to take advantage of such things
My life in a spiral, rich or dead, both or nothing
Destined for great things

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Couple of things I want to talk about… but first things first… Trappey’s makes this new kind of hot sauce… with passion fruit… it is amazing… sounds weird… but it is amazing… if you like flavor over pain… this might be the sauce for you… it still has a bit of a bite… leaving you wanting more… well me at least…

hot

Alright now that we’ve gotten the important stuff out of the way… let’s talk writing… went digging through the past… only to find that I have felt like I do now before… life is a circle… a round about path… to the same place… but when you feel trapped it can feel a lot worse than it makes sense… torture… I think it’s called… or if you are already here… life… sure I have a lot to be grateful for… I don’t feel like this every day… some days though the feelings sneak up on you… stuck in the same place… doing the same things…

 Like I said nothing to complain about… and in a way I’m not… sometimes it’s nice to just convince yourself that you are fine… to realize there have been times you have felt worse… and yet here you are… outside influence have their place in the world… in each of our little circles… but we can never forget that we are our biggest influence… how we perceive things…  think about things… can have the biggest impact on us… a balance filled with ups and downs… thanks for letting me talk to myself… try the hot sauce it is awesome… 

 

4 thoughts on “Broken Thoughts”

  1. 🦊
    Yeah
    Getting stuck in a loop sucks…
    I am quite young to be… Idk talking like this or something but I do relate to what you’ve said… I guess..
    Even I basically do the same things every day… Sit in the same room for long hours and listen to the same voice that doesn’t want to be there either…
    It sucks.

    Somedays I’m all optimistic
    And other days
    I’m… Really sad…

    Everything about my existence seems absurd sometimes…

    Meh…
    Nothing matters anyways

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Things matter… it is easier to get trapped in a thought than get out of it… wish I had something more encouraging to say… you are never to young to feel though… life isn’t all bad… soul crushing at times… but we make it through… : )

      Like

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