Not So Depressing Or Maybe It Is

This Misery

I pretend like I don’t need this
I need every bit, every piece
Of this misery
I pretend like I hate it here
But here is where I feel most at home
In this misery
I pretend like I don’t need this
I need every minute, every second
Of this misery
I pretend like I am better than this
In truth I’m so much worse
Then I give myself credit for
This misery may be all I have
Yet I regret every minute of every second
Every bit, every instance of this place called home
Disown my own self from everything that I know
The misery never leaves me
Sown deep within my bones, within my soul
Could this be all that I know

 

Stuck

Living in hell
Mortal damnation
Abomination
Salvation and all
That other shit
Stuck living in regret
Stuck pretending I give a shit
Stuck in a hole, left here down below
Living in sin
Immortal acceleration
Condonation
Salvation and all
That other shit
Stuck living in regret
Stuck pretending I give a fuck
Stuck in a hole, well defined
By the walls I have put up

 

cropped-website-logo.jpg

I hesitate to call this work, but it is. I put in long hours each and every day. With little to no repayment. Though in all fairness I’d be doing this anyways whether anyone was reading it or not. I do this more because I don’t think anyone is going to read it. A purge of the mind left some where in time. In a sense I think that this is my broken way of saying thank you. I used to do this alone. That is what I’m used to. Lately I have had to rebuild my broken thoughts and look at how I write.

I write from a fucked up book of past regrets. In other words a green binder with everything I have said in my head over the last three years. Before I started this website I saw this monstrosity as profound. After retyping and rereading everything I realize more than ever that I was stuck. Stuck repeating the same broken sentences, the same broken thoughts over and over again.

With that said I’m kind of lost as of late. How I write and what I say never had a deadline. It was something I did and walked away. No one was going to read it or judge it or care about it. That has been the hardest part of this whole experience. How much do I hold back? How much do I care what other people think? About what you think?

Deep down I pretend that I don’t care. In truth I do. I look forward to responses. I look forward to hearing what you have to say. I’m addicted to what my new friends are saying. It is a strange feeling. The past few years it has only been me. I spend hours a day reading all the posts from everyone. I don’t think that I have ever read so much in my life. I know I need to take a break, but I don’t want to. Pushing through is all I have ever known.

So things may be different from here on out. I’m sure I’ll still be an asshole from time to time. But I can already tell that I am different. I’m not that same as when I started all of this. What I mean is that you have had an impact on me and it is what it is. Which is why this will now be a political blog. Full of politics, conspiracy theories, and well in fact Wednesdays are switching from Broken Thoughts to Crazy Thoughts. We are going to get real weird up in here. So prepare your anus for that. You won’t believe the things that I believe, but just wait and see. Maybe I’m not as crazy as you think.

Just fucking with you… haha… the binder is done… last two poems… up top… going rogue from here and out… you know minus all the shit I have been writing in the last year… did you really think that I have been just sitting around… retyping all shit from the past?… well I haven’t… been sitting around the whole time… I’ve written enough stuff for a post or two… I’m really excited though to show off some of the stuff that I have been working on… some of it is different… some of it is the same… excited to go back and revisit… I’ve been posting some of it on twitter here and there over the last year… so you might see some stuff again…  a lot still in my head too… can’t shut this shit off… haha… well this is turning into a long post… Year Two Starts on Wednesday… well maybe… see how I feel… 

Chewing On Glass Logo

 

Still Have Shit at ThreadlessAmazonEtsy… and Twitter 

5 thoughts on “Not So Depressing Or Maybe It Is”

  1. Truth be known, Layne, there isn’t much holding me back from going rogue, as well, given our Ingenious Leader’s daily streams of verbal diarrhea. His missteps regarding the McCain memorials are the latest small example, but this whole Russia thing is looking pretty schizophrenic and I.L.’s wholesale misogyny dwarf’s anything we of the hoi polloi have said and done, over the decades.
    Rage on, Layne!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. The McCain memorials… comments… the whole thing… is bat shit insane…

      I was never a huge fan of McCain’s politics… but he was a hero for this country… and no one can ever take that away from him… He more than earned the right to believe what he wanted to believe… more than most people… Which is way I always respected what he had to say… even if I thought he was wrong…

      As messed up as it all is though… I wouldn’t want the Orange man at my funeral either… but everything else is on Trump for fucking up… for someone who brags about how much he loves this country and those that lay their lives down for it… you’d think he would at least honor a man who served his country long after he need to…

      The Russia thing… dear god… shakes head… where to even begin… the whole thing makes me want to put my head in a sink… and scream… “What the fuck”… Even if he did or didn’t have anything to do with them… he sure as fuck hasn’t shown any real resistance to not wanting to be in bed with them… I’m not ain’t Russia… or Russian… I think we should try to get along with everyone… but Putin’s Civil rights record alone?… fuck that guy… we can be “friends” as soon as they elect a new leader and fix all the damage he has done to their country…

      I’m all for people being who they want to be… I accept that each culture has their way and beliefs about how life should be lived… Communism vs Capitalism?… I don’t care… Genocide?… Discrimination for existing?… that’s when we need to step in… that’s when it no longer becomes your problem but the world’s… we are all in this together… we won’t always agree… but no one is better than anyone else…

      Liked by 1 person

    1. not getting any response… can be a lot to take… I just remember all the ones I have gotten… and remember all the times I have read something and didn’t say something… it happens… especially if I go on a binge… which as of late happens a lot… because I am so far behind the curve… basically it doesn’t mean that someone didn’t like something… some people are shy too… so many factors… best not to worry about it…

      I get that they are exciting… because they are… they defiantly boost the ego… but at the end of the day… you should always write for yourself…

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s