Digging Up The Past… Embarrassing To Say The Least…

Lets take it back… back to before the beginning… before the time… I ever wanted to do this… before it was a dream… when it was something I did… over something I wanted to do… if I cut myself open right now… there is no way any of this would come out… lost thoughts… embarrassment… exposed just for you… why the fuck do I do this to myself?… 

 

Age 13: Digging a Ditch Six Feet Deep

Please Stay

I don’t know what to say
You probably wouldn’t understand anyway
You know I love you so why won’t you stay, stay, stay
Hey, Hey, just stay, stay
Sorry if you don’t like the way I speak to you
I’m sorry but you’re the first person I’ve fallen in love with
And I don’t know what to say to make you happy with me
So please stay don’t go away please stay with me please
Stay with me
I’ll try to make you happy with me if you don’t
Go away so please stay with me I’ll make everything be okay

 

(Editors Note)… I cleaned up a fuck ton of editing  mistakes… your vs you’re… ok vs okay… no vs know… so my grammar has at least gotten better over time… not by much… a lot to unpack here… No fucking idea what this was really about… don’t remember writing this at all… but looking back at this time… this point in my life… where I was… I can guess this was about a girl named Ashley… that’s her real name… no fucking clue what her last name is or was… Also we were never together… because I was too scared….

There is one story about her that I can tell… I hate myself so much… you’re welcome… once on a dare… I called her house… we all lived on base so our numbers were listed if you knew the last name… I remember that I kind of knew her last name… at least what it started with… so I called every number until… haha… Jesus… and asked for Ashley until some one said one second… Who the fuck knows how long that took… time is not a thing when you are that young… I finally get her on the line… I’ve been working over what I would say in my head this whole time… I hear her voice… and I shut down… I stay silent… “Hello?”… “Hello?”… finally I say… “Do you know what we are supposed to do for History Class?”… 

That was one of the classes we shared… she tells me whatever it was… “Did you want to talk about anything else?”… “Nope that was it”… hung up the phone… didn’t say… see you tomorrow… thank you… just put the phone down like a zombie… we didn’t talk much if ever again… of course I saw her everyday until I eventually moved… she even dated a guy that looked a lot like me… over weight and funny… I may have built this next part in my head.. who knows or cares after this much time… but you could tell she was unhappy… it was almost like she was trying to tell me to ask… all I had to do was ask… I didn’t… 

I don’t regret dating some girl I have no idea about… I regret not taking a chance… worst thing she could have said was no… be right here where I am anyway… happy… with a family… telling stories… or I might have been a serial killer… life is about gambling… but if you don’t roll the dice… well nothing is going to happen…  

 

Bonus: Favorite Bands At That Time

  1. Blink- 182
  2. Slipknot
  3. New Found Glory
  4. Mudvayne
  5. Soulfly
  6. Alien Ant Farm
  7. Sum 41
  8. Coal Chamber
  9. Fear Factory
  10. Spineshank

(That’s an official list… an official list of sadness…  haha… you know I was cool as fuck at 13… and that’s okay if you don’t think so… haha… we all area bunch of losers in the end… I couldn’t be more proud… embrace who you are… )

 

Threadless… Shirts… Amazon… Books… Etsy… Art… Twitter… Broken Thoughts… 

Stay on the line for more embarrassing shit… I’ve dug up… 

 

8 thoughts on “Digging Up The Past… Embarrassing To Say The Least…”

    1. I’m sure there is… but I couldn’t find any… I was hoping to find better things in my memory box… I found some stuff when I was 17… a lot of stuff… I’m going to go through that next…. so look out for that… haha… and if you are wondering… your writing is way better than mine was at your age…

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      1. Live your life… succeed like I know you will… the rest will be here… when you find the time… I don’t say this enough… but you are amazing… just don’t let it go to your head my friend…

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