There is a hole in my soul I lie and say it doesn’t hurt Broken and I think everybody knows A child with so many things to say An adult with nothing left All that matters doesn’t seem to anymore The feelings once there have come and gone A pretense so intense that it hurts Walking away seems to be all that I have left Though I know I still have things left to say
A Darkness Love Could Never Hide
Literally burning time Watching it burn slowly In my hand Your life Smell so innocent Taste of dirt and ash Holding a place in my heart A grave with no name The bones never seem to Break away when you want Them to The souls always with me Speaking in tongues made of sin Give me more, feed me, feed this eternal lust The hate was never the point It is the feeling of your lungs running out of air Succumbing to a need Deep inside me grows a danger Lack of control has led me to this Watching your body burn with the rest of them In the shallow grave, the altar I’ve built for you
Spitting blood Did you care before you thought I was going to die? My mouth is dirty Vulgar as fuck Postcard from my heart
Not a whole lot to say… which is odd to even me… even crazier is that I’m in a great mood… maybe that’s scary?… haha… believe me when I say I am fine… a little dark… but that is just me… smiling all the way to asylum… enjoy your day… I’m going outside to enjoy the sunshine… just kidding… I’m not that crazy… : )
Nothing is taking this feeling away Painful reminder I’m not who I thought I was An example that you never did Love me like you said you did A lie, a waste of time How can I really still feel this way Nothing adds up to anything Looking around, living the lie See everything now Rip out my eyes if I could Memories still buried deep in my mind Clearly something is wrong with me Too stupid to see past my own stupidity Love is a lie and I’m living it all the time Excuses don’t mean the same Reasons for why Grinding out the thoughts None of these seems real Where does the truth begin And the rest of this end In you
Fighting For Something That Doesn’t Exist
I’ve been pensive lately Don’t mind me Been lost in thoughts Of morality, love, and reasons Too much time spent in my head Has lead me to question every where I’ve been lead A battle no one could ever win Trying to figure it out Looking to understand Studying everything that you are All of these reasons You all seems so dead A broken spirit, an over looked gaze None of this makes sense Though I’m always told This is the way it has always been World full of choices Words full of things left unsaid Decisions that have never made any sense A life we were told to live Thank you, love you, miss you You could not understand When you were here But here is too late Fighting for something that doesn’t exist I look around me, deep inside, through the shit Wondering am I too ready to accept this fate
A change of pace from the Broken Thoughts of lately… I could talk about these poems… but I said what I needed to say… Shit hurts moving on… thoughts in my head… like a constant stabbing that doesn’t end… here I go again… my mind doesn’t shut off… it goes and goes… do you know what I mean when I say this is all there ever seems to be?… If you do… I’m sorry… blessing and a curse… miss the days before I was born… miss the life I’ve skipped out on… a life where none of this meant anything but that was all there was… a fight to be something more than content… A never ending need to feel dead…
Lips are cracked and bleeding Purging the obvious Drinking to wish this all away Empty alley, a new home Staring down death with nothing left Had a name, gave it up to be this Worth it for a worthless choice Circumstances of my personal consumption Forgive me for calling so late Aware time always meant something to you
A purpose, a place, some where to be Timing is everything The reason behind right and wrong Justification for what we believe Too early, too late, it all fucks up just the same
Good luck suffering in place. Save a space for me.
Last week I was in New York and this week I’m in Seattle. What’s the point of fucking phones if we have to meet face to face? Come see the freak in a mask made of glass. A fragile ego they all want to shatter. Break me open and see what’s left inside. Haven’t I given you enough? Another rewrite another pass. What the fuck do I pay these people for? “The covers no good too violent, too obscene. Got any ideas?” Yeah, you just shit all over them. “The shirts are too much. We are trying to sell an image. Convey an idea of loneliness not sadness.” I was unaware they were two separate things. Pulling my teeth to make me money they say. What a stupid fucking saying. Driving a nail into my brain and they wonder why I’m so pissed off all the time.
A long walk to nowhere at all
Thinking things over Going on from here will be More difficult this time A radiant emotion trapped inside Happiness is a fleeting emotion Thinking of all the things Still left to do The words become a list Of where I’ve been and where I need to go Wasn’t prepared for this Always failing, the success is fleeting Wanted it always, now that I’m here Even more lost than before
I wanted to make a new logo for this week… it didn’t happen… started messing with all the tools… the settings… four hours later… I just said fuck it… next time… so maybe next time…
As soon as I stop being lazy… not any time soon… I want to start working on my short story book again… and I have an idea for another book… going to start working towards that soon… that’s my overall goal for the rest of the year… I need to start trying to submit some stuff to literary magazines and agents again… because life doesn’t seem so shitty as of late… and there is no better way to take that feeling away… : )
It’s like hitting rock bottom… only you could be so lucky to hit it every day… that sounds a little extreme… hitting rock bottom is some pretty serious shit… it is more like… you know that person you “love” but you are too afraid to tell them?… it’s like that… except you do it to multiple people and they don’t have the nerve to even tell you no… they don’t even have the nerve to tell you why… they just send you an email that says… thanks for bringing me your thoughts and feelings… maybe next time… now that I think about it though… I’ve never asked out multiple people out at the same time before… so I have no idea how that would feel…
Come to think about it… I’m not sure I’ve ever ask anyone out to their face… is that normal?… I don’t know… feels weird… where was I?… basically it feels like shit to get rejected… but it feels even worse… going through life without at least trying…
All mixed up… but please… did you really expect anything else?... out of these which is your favorite?… no judgement… (Shh.. Dirt Room… please come on… you know me better by now…)
Have you ever wanted to fly?… Needed super strength to lift a car off a cockroach?… How about run a mile in less than a second while being chased by some sort of super natural being that only exists in your head?*… Well we here at Chewing On Glass have an exciting product for just you and all your super human needs… and we are happy to announce that it can only be found here… if you are one of the first 100 people to order… We will personally double your order… That’s right you heard it here… Two for one.. But only if you are one of the lucky first 100**… Do you have what it takes to go to the next level?…
But first… sick and twisted messages from my mind***… Find out more about this exciting offer at the bottom of the page… Grip it and rip it as we always say****…
*Warning. There is no product on earth that can make you do any of these things. The Author is selling nothing but lies.
** There is no special deal. The author is beyond broke and could not support these claims even if he really, really wanted to. So don’t be fooled by his stupidity. Also don’t brag about how much smarter you are than him. Dick move.
*** We are unsure if he even has a brain. Let alone a mind. We check for a pulse but to be honest we don’t care that much either. As along as the content comes in. We don’t have to shock him with the cattle prod again.
**** We’ve never said this.
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Five hours of sleep in two days
Sure I still feel sane It’s the sleep that would drive me insane A broken down soul with everything still left to say Think of the words only for them to go away Laughing at all the ways this is killing me One day we will all receive our day of reckoning A day many of us hope and pray A peace we’ve been searching for A goal all the same Six days later it’s the same beat driving me insane A thoughtless sound repeated over and over Eating away at my brain The music moved me once Now only a soundtrack to my broken thoughts Zero words in my head with everything left To say
You couldn’t be a bigger asshole even if you were doing thirty in the passing lane… : )
I’ve been living on borrowed time Didn’t know it until it was true Death couldn’t come swifter I’ve known all along Lied to everyone I knew Told them I was fine Dying inside is a solitary burden Locked in my head with nothing left Did what I could and this is all that it was A lifetime spent wondering why A life wasted on borrowed time
Your consumerism is not your freedom
Showed up early once again At this point hard to dispute That I don’t like it A death, a life I hold in my hand Giving anything to not be here Giving nothing to leave A contradiction I live every day Showing up early only feels like a sign To a lie I don’t want to believe Broken and no one can help me Break down waiting to happen Severed and whole What is more I do not know
It’s a lot easier to kneel than it is to fall…
Walking a straight line Until my feet crack and bleed Not enough distance between us Not enough room on earth To complement all this hurt
Where does the mind go?… if it goes no where at all?… a crossroads of thoughts… feelings… the mind is a very terrible thing to taste… even more to waste… here I sit over dosing on all the pain… I want an escape… but escaping me is going to be much harder to sustain… smiling all the same… my mind a death trap inside a broken body… I hate… I love… I am only me… live one way… believe another… turns out I’m only human… until I found this amazing product… now I’m just an asshole with an over sized smile… Click the links to learn more*… Tis the season to sell your soul… spread the word…
*Nothing in these links will do anything for you. Maybe make you smile but really it is only one demented asshole trying to raise funds to keep all of this going. Support the arts this holiday season. Even if it isn’t this asshole. A review, a like, a comment goes a long ways. It seems small, but every little bit helps. We are all trying to do our thing and we all appreciate you every day. Have a happy Holiday season. Whatever you believe, whatever you celebrate. Enjoy it. Tis the season to enjoy. One world and we are all here for each other. : ) (This has been Layne the whole time… I’m crazy… haha… hugs and kisses from the underground…)
Spitting blood, where is it that it comes from Dying to figure out love Missed the sun rise one last time How is it that I’m not dead? Spending time, where is it that I’ve gone Fighting to understand pain Lost track of the absent days How is it that I’m even alive?
People are often hurtful before they say what they mean
Dragging myself through hell once again Your unholy eyes staring me down How long can we play this game How long can we live in sin Testing the limits every day Your serrated grin made of lies and deceit No one ever said this was it But we both know this is all there will ever be
I love you but some days I just want to hold your head under water and pray for more rain.
Taking the long way home Stuck between doing it and not Ripping out my eyes Tearing out my heart Drink the blood to understand why A shit taste of everything I’ve hidden Fuck it Destroy it Who the fuck cares anymore Pulling out my hair Renting out my soul Eat what’s left of me A shit taste and a mouth full of lies Take my hand and I’ll lead you to A place called home
“I want to be buried in this jacket so it can keep me warm in hell”… It is a pretty amazing jacket… just saying…
I don’t have much to say… but I found this when reviewing my notes…
Back for another installment of embarrassment… still stuck on the age of seventeen… and moving into to eighteen… Chewing On Glass presents… Time To Waste…
The person you are Nothing means everything you want to say Nothing (x4) You are Nothing means anything I thought I needed to say Nothing (x4) I am Nothing is what we are Nothing (x4) My everything
This was yet another “song” I had in my head… Nine Inch Nails inspired…
I am, everything I am, everything you Want me to be I am Everything you needed me to be I am What you fucking’ think of me
What Do You See
You convey Every little mother fucking thing You show me What it is you fucking think of me
You fucking do this to me You fucking show me who I used to be You fucking do this to me You fucking everything I used to be
Why won’t you let me be Every little mother fucking thing Why won’t you let me go What is it that you think of me
Chorus (Everything, Everything) x2 I am everything you (Scream) Need me to be I am what you put inside of me
Okay so they aren’t complex songs… I have always liked punk for the same reason… It is… was… all about emotion… getting that thought or feeling out… this is how I feel deal with it… With that said… I’m still really into the chorus… I like the idea that the back up singer starts a chant… and then the singer answers back… obviously Nine Inch Nails and the Misfits… never really did that… If I had to guess that would be the Blink-182 influence I snuck in there… Which by this time… when I wrote this… I was too cool for such a band… Don’t be a sell out… blah…
Movie Ideas Zombie Film Horror Movie School / Drug Film (Would steal ideas from this for A Lie later in life…) Cannery Row(Great fucking book…) Messenger Future/ War Movie (This would be folded into War of 2012… Never released… I believe…) Superhero Movie (Naturally…) Documentary (Because who makes the above movies… then is like nah… I’ll make a doc…)
In high school I was very much into music… it was my life… all I talked about… all I dreamed of… but in my head it didn’t seem obtainable… a dream… at the same time I was really doing well in Video Communications… won some “awards” for different things… they were in school awards… but people were pretty hyped… figured if I didn’t make it in music… I could do movies… overtime… that drifted away… mutated… and became writing…
In truth I’m too controlling to be a director… but not controlling enough to tell other people what to do… I like that about writing… It is all on me… the only explanation that I really need to get my point across is the story itself… I don’t have to explain what is going on in my head with another person… I don’t have to argue why this shot needs to be this way… oh I have an idea about this… etc… I write it and either you like it or… I try again…
Here I sit I write for you But you’ll never know the truth Every day I’ll wait for you But you’ll never see the truth Here I sit I lie to you But you’ll never know the truth Everyday I’ll wait on you But you’ll never tell the truth
Sun
It hurts to open my eyes The worlds on fire You have let it burn My eyes are shut It takes its course
You’re not born but when You are you’ll want to die
Its been taken away Before it was given You have been left to die
Always a blast… to revisit the past… not really… but sometimes we don’t know where we are going without knowing where we have been… life is a ride… well I’ll let the late great Bill Hicks explain… because honestly… I’ll just butcher it…
What the fuck am I even doing Digging ditches called memories It’s all pointless so why Do I feel the need to cry The reason to breath, fucking seething Unhappy and I don’t know why Pointless, but here we go Another day waking and waiting Here we go another day Believing everything will be fine Here we go one more fucking day Feeling like this
Clapping along to a death song I’ve known all along
Go ahead and smile Really I don’t care Stabbing you in the face Will only be easier Please, no, be you Distant memories while I dance on Your grave
Gearing up for the ass fuck of the century A daily grind one upped every night (Takes a bow)
Your insecurities rub up against me A broken down thought, in need of a lobotomy Toxic nervousness that surrounds us all Thought provoking image drench in tears Worldliness verbiage that makes no sense You’ve gone and turned my mind inside out
“America’s problem is that we are so afraid of outside forces that we forget we are the outside force”…
I don’t have time to fail A constant push to get myself out of here Lost dream taken over by regret
I’m still on vacation… for how long?… no idea… but I will be checking in and out through out the month… hopefully by December… I can get back into some sort of routine… What have you been up to?… How have you been?… Hope all is well…
