Broken Thoughts- A Perpetrator With a Quill…

Breaking down in front of the lord
Gave you all my sin
Gave me all that you adore
Burning to stay alive
Could all of this have been a sign?
A lesson never learned over time
Up in flames
So dead inside
A walking belief
A walking reason to die
The scars only tell a story
A silent one that makes no sense
Words written in lies
If there is a God
He has nothing left but lies

 

I’m so gone, left wondering why
I do this to myself
So obsessed with a reason to die
Smile this is all I had
Talk about one thing
Never how I feel
Let all of this slip through the cracks
Shattered dreams, bloody fingers
Another reason why
So much of this actually makes sense

 

There is a darkness in my heart
How I feel
Kill myself what does it all mean?
Destroyed, who I am, a darkness
I was never meant to understand
A guilt that doesn’t mean anything
Ask me, I’ll do it
Not a dare, how I feel
Lost, longing for answers no more

 

Look for you in hell
My hands around your throat
Your head submersed in the lake of fire
Found you once, know I can do it again
Not so special after all

 

Love you more than I’ve ever loved me
Saying the same old thing
Clean up the wounds, wash away the pain
Still me, still the same old thing
It kills me to say, it tears me apart
Unapologetically that I will change
The devil you’ve always known
The one you’ve always loved
Killing me will only make me stronger

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Hope all is well… doing good on this end… I’m sure no one will believe me after reading that post… but that’s okay… sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction… Smile… it is today… : )

 

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Dictating An Existence That Doesn’t Exist… Call It Life…

Holiday In The Unknown

Waiting for your words
Waiting for anything
I’ve become bored
Staring at a wall isn’t for me
Thoughts come seeping back in

How I wish I was dead
That life is meaningless

They don’t mean much said only once
Over and over until they won’t leave my head?

How I wish I was dead
That life is meaningless

Distracted for a time
Thought the thoughts had left
I’ve always been wrong
This only proves it
Suffocating under the weight
Of a feeling I can’t escape

How I wish I was dead
That life is meaningless

Reminding me how not to forget
Over and over again

How I wish I was dead
That life is meaningless

Waiting for your words
Waiting for anything
I’ve become bored
Don’t think I’ll ever change
Thoughts never left me
Only distracted for a time

Reading all that they have to say
How I wish I was dead
This life is so meaningless

 

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Normally I do two poems in the same post… but this one was so sad and dark… I couldn’t find a companion poem that didn’t cheapen this one… This one is pretty personal… not really something I want to talk about… demons I battle in silence… demons I’m distracted from for the time being… a normal feeling?… no… has it become normal?… sadly yes…

I can’t stress enough that I am doing a lot better… perfect?… no… but that is life… I am fighting the want to express what this poem means to me… and I’m not going to because… this poem needs to be about what you want it to be… just know that there is help out there… know that people care… it may seem like the right thing to do… the easy thing… but as with everything in life it only seems that way because you are so close… try taking a step back… see the bigger perspective of this thing called life… we all have our place… have to be here though to find it… 

 

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