Inspired By….

The Devil Within

Tearing through my flesh
Can’t tell what is left
Dead or alive
Fucking kill it
Doesn’t matter anymore
Screaming in the dark
Take me with you
Drown within a dream, a nightmare
Suffocating
The scars were never meant to be seen
Cracking
Hating all of this
A life I thought I had to live
Destroying everything
Smashed against my skin
I have and always will
Drown myself from within
Thought you knew me
Didn’t know shit
A decision I have to fucking live with
Smile, because this was always for you
Turning over in my grave
Even in death I couldn’t sleep
Fuck me, all the same
Keep on living just to be me
Closing my eyes
I knew there would never be peace
Smiling even as a dead man in a grave
Home is where my heart has always been
A tomb, a grave, everything I need it to be
Miss the way things used to be
Isolation was only a thought that I bothered
Give you even more
If you could show me what it is I truly need
A hug from the one I adore
Wasted too much time
On selfish needs
Punish me some more
Give me all that I deserve

This free write brought to you by… The Stories In Between… if you like it… you can thank him… if you hate it… well you can blame me… either way check out his blog… website… his writing…

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Broken Thoughts… Losing My Mind…

Digging at the stitches
Running my fingers across the scars
My heart nothing more than a reminder
A map made of blood and pain
Who am I to know what to say
Who was I before all of this
The blood runs down my fingers
On to the floor, on to more
A bloody waterfall made of everything
I have ever felt
Who am I
Who am I to question what any of this means
Took what you wanted
Left the discard for me to pick through
A mess of emotions, tangled up thoughts
The fuck you care
You’ve always gotten what you need
Who am I to question you
My dear

Speaking crazy is not a train of thought
The roaches crawl over the bodies
Stacked up in the corner
Laying eggs and feasting on what remains
Breeding ideas that lead to a darker place in me
The smell becomes home
Lay your head down and inhale
Takes time but all things work out in the end
Cold grin chiseled into my skull
Should have never taken what was never yours

Shh… you made your bed of razors
Go ahead and lie down
Press the cold steel against the skin
What’s been done has been done
Line after line
Digging my own grave
Said you understood
Lied as you buried me in
Caved in, suffocating underneath it all
Lost in the darkness
Your light no longer reaches me
Buried under so much shit
Struggling with every breath
How is this any different than before
A question to haunt me as I rest
The final place I’ve always wanted to be
Searching for a lifetime
As it stood right before me, by my side
Who am I if no one at all
Ringing, repeating, beating, trying
To be what it is you instituted in me
A society I’ve always hated
The world I never wanted to be born in
One in the same, one among the sheep
A wolf in bloody clothes

Got rejected again… starting to like it… liking the idea… that every one of my submissions is a thorn in somebodies side… does that make me an asshole?… probably… but at least I tried…

I will just have to keep on digging that grave… not like I have anything better to do anyway… listening to depressing songs to make myself feel better… yeah I’m that kind of person… no idea why… just have been… secret is… they never make me feel better… trick myself in believing that they do…

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This Week Was A Wash…

Yeah I had plans this week… well I did them… but not a damn thing for the website… next week for sure… in the mean time here are some songs that I am listening to… a half ass attempt to make it up to you… as soon as I pull my head out of my ass… I promise I have big ideas… problem is though… it is really wedged up there… bare with me…

This video is so creepy… but I love it…

Amazing song…
Can’t all be weird… love the bass line…

What’s Left Inside of Me

Destroying me
Who am I
Who are you
Kill the life left inside
Meaning has meaning
Pull the soul to the surface
Fucking dead
Kill you
Killing me
Worth it
A lifeless passion
Same thing
Different meaning
Choke the useless
Suffocate who I am
Feel better
I hope
You get what you’ve always wanted
Nothing

So much to say
Stand silent in judgment
Nothing to say
Who am I in defense
If nothing at all
A silent dream
Left in the sun
Left to dry up and die
How could I ever mean what I say
Silent as I die
Screaming inside

Useless you are everything you will ever be
Destroying yourself to understand who you are
Nothing in everything
Locked away mystery, enigmatic puzzle
Nothing all along
A lie I tell myself because I believe

The words mean so much less
Repeated over and over
Repeat a mantra of nothing
Hypocrite
Christ
Objection to the delusion
Faggot
Fuck
Useless
Words with no meaning
Hate myself
A demon
Left behind
Let me die
Destroy everything, that I mean
Meaning less
Hope for better things
Sacrifice for something more
Killing myself to believe
Justify my choices against justification
A right to speak but not a right to say

Dying to know
Who I am
What I could be
Broken
Useless
I am who I’ve always meant to be
All the voices
Don’t mean anything they say
Do it already
Turn the fuck away
Familiar
Lost
Loneliness
Humanity
Moments in time
Thoughts to think about
A life meant for more
Because someone told me so
Standing still, lifeless, dead

Looking for reason
No more reason
Become
Everything you believe
Tired reason to keep on trying
Destroyed
Who am I if I am no one
What am I with
Who am I if I am only you
Worthless
Open to all things
Closed minded with everything to say
Pain
Suffer
More
Chest split open
Skin resting at my knees
Begging for an answer
Give me more
Enough to know
What I’ve already known
Let me become the one
The one that knows more
The chosen one on the cross of society
To be hated is to be loved
To be the villain is to be the hero
Justifying all your actions, all your work
Praying to a higher power
Prying back the truth
Inserting myself into the history
A tall tale to tell
Have faith
Have faith in me
Trust me for who I’ve always been
Nothing

Before we get into how weird or awful… what ever the fuck this was… let’s a dress the fact that the block editor sucks… Does anyone like it?… Is it really better than what we had before?… yes this post is late… but none of you know my new schedule… so that didn’t need to be said… but oddly enough I feel I should be honest with you…

I’ve been sitting on this long ass piece since June… I rewrote some of it since that night… fixed parts in the last year… I’m posting it because I just want to get it out of my head and out of my sight before I make it worse than it already is… So why post such a thing Layne??… because it seemed relevant to me today… What the hell is it even about??… it is about everything and nothing… what I hope comes across… is that it is about everything that fires in my brain… at any given time… as I write… as I speak… as I think… it is constant… well for the most part… sometimes I really think of nothing at all…

Sometimes… for a split second of my day… I don’t hear everyone telling me I’m not good enough… I don’t imagine everyone hating me… I don’t see everyone looking down on me as if I am nothing… and by everyone I mean me… depression is shit… a conscience… is everything and nothing… much like this poem… or collection of words… whatever the fuck you want to call it… it isn’t perfect… but it is constant… I’m amazed I get anything in life done… If you know what I mean… you know what I mean… if not we envy you… 

Good luck… I’m sure I’ll be late again next week… but good news… last I checked I’m the one running this shit into the ground… smiles… : ) : ) : )

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Fuck block format… and whatever the fuck else they did… God… am I really getting this old?… 

Right in the Soul… (Music Post)

If they don’t touch you that’s okay… these are just two songs that touch my soul… I recommend finding your own… because music is life… and we all have a beat that keeps us going in this world… find yours… dance… scream… do what you need… : )

Take care and have a great day…

I Don’t Want to Go to Sleep… If This All I Have To Say…

Taking the Wrong Stairs Down

The hurt feels like it will never end
Chain smoking the pain from my head
Got it wrong, but then isn’t it always in the end
Chained myself to a dead weight
Now I’m sinking
Thinking what is that I really need
Air?

The hurt feels like it has been going on for a while
Staring down all the suicidal thoughts from my head
Got it wrong, but then its been that way for a while
Starving myself to a dead weight
Thinking what is it that I really need
Food?

The hurt feels like it has gone on too long
Walling off all traces from my head
Got it wrong, but then isn’t that long enough
Unchained myself to a dead weight
Now I’m confusing
Thinking what is it that I really need
You?

 

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Of course I would return to the warm weather in Texas after a month away in the cold… and get sick… powering through it though… So if this week is all scattered and makes no sense… it’s the sickness… (rolls eyes)… 

Fun highlights of my life right now…

I gave up soda… in a second step to cut out caffeine from my daily life… I feel like punching someone in the throat… so it’s going well… haha… the biggest differences I’ve noticed so far… besides my irritability to anyone who speaks to me… not a whole lot… I’m at that point in my withdraw… where quitting makes no sense… I wasn’t dead before… I was happy… I was a fun person to be around… It made me feel better… I think it is called denial… I’d ask someone… but then I might punch them in the throat… 

I started playing bass guitar again after a sixteen year absence… I’m as awful at it as you are imagining… it’s awesome… bass guitar was the first instrument I got as a kid… I wanted drums… every parents nightmare… my mom talked me into a bass guitar…  I only agreed because Mark Hoppus from Blink-182 was cool… so why not… less than a year later I was begging for drums again… which I eventually got… I played drums through out high school… I just realized there was no point to this story… haha… yeah I need more sleep… 

 

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Broken Thoughts… Just Got To Move On… Best Of Luck…

Driven under, fighting for a breath
I’m drowning and I don’t know what for
A prayer for the sinner
Living in your sin
Useless words laid down on paper
Talking to myself, preaching to the stupid
Driven under, holding myself down
I know the problem and I have no solution
A prayer for the sinner
Living with this sin
I’m killing myself and I don’t know what for
Has it really always been for you?

 

The world is shit
Deal with it

 

Getting lost in the words
Getting lost in the why
Wandering, don’t have to go far
To find reasons to die
Worlds full of them
Reasons to live, they are hard to find
Hope you like a mystery
What is it that I’m thinking about today
A puzzle, getting caught up in all of this
Getting lost in the words
Getting lost in the why
Same place I was before

 

Drinking harder than I’d like to admit
Catching up to the darkness inside
A piece of me I’d love to hide, on display

 

Standing next to a burning dumpster fire
Called it my heart once now it’s only filled with shit
Thoughts of you, me, how it should be
Fucking lies I’ve told myself to get by
And now I’ve told you everything
Everything to make you stay
The ship already set sail
Waving to me from the shore
You smile but I know what it means
Saying good bye was always the hardest part for me

 

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Well that was a depressing post… afraid the next few will be much of the same… I haven’t written much of anything… if at all in the last month… and everything before that… well it was pretty dark… dark as it gets I would say… Maybe I’ll drain my soul… maybe I’ll just hold onto all the hurt… chewing on the glass that has been my pain as of lately… taking it slow because for the first time in a long time… I don’t really know… what it is that I’m trying to say… 

 

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