What’s Left Inside of Me

Destroying me
Who am I
Who are you
Kill the life left inside
Meaning has meaning
Pull the soul to the surface
Fucking dead
Kill you
Killing me
Worth it
A lifeless passion
Same thing
Different meaning
Choke the useless
Suffocate who I am
Feel better
I hope
You get what you’ve always wanted
Nothing

So much to say
Stand silent in judgment
Nothing to say
Who am I in defense
If nothing at all
A silent dream
Left in the sun
Left to dry up and die
How could I ever mean what I say
Silent as I die
Screaming inside

Useless you are everything you will ever be
Destroying yourself to understand who you are
Nothing in everything
Locked away mystery, enigmatic puzzle
Nothing all along
A lie I tell myself because I believe

The words mean so much less
Repeated over and over
Repeat a mantra of nothing
Hypocrite
Christ
Objection to the delusion
Faggot
Fuck
Useless
Words with no meaning
Hate myself
A demon
Left behind
Let me die
Destroy everything, that I mean
Meaning less
Hope for better things
Sacrifice for something more
Killing myself to believe
Justify my choices against justification
A right to speak but not a right to say

Dying to know
Who I am
What I could be
Broken
Useless
I am who I’ve always meant to be
All the voices
Don’t mean anything they say
Do it already
Turn the fuck away
Familiar
Lost
Loneliness
Humanity
Moments in time
Thoughts to think about
A life meant for more
Because someone told me so
Standing still, lifeless, dead

Looking for reason
No more reason
Become
Everything you believe
Tired reason to keep on trying
Destroyed
Who am I if I am no one
What am I with
Who am I if I am only you
Worthless
Open to all things
Closed minded with everything to say
Pain
Suffer
More
Chest split open
Skin resting at my knees
Begging for an answer
Give me more
Enough to know
What I’ve already known
Let me become the one
The one that knows more
The chosen one on the cross of society
To be hated is to be loved
To be the villain is to be the hero
Justifying all your actions, all your work
Praying to a higher power
Prying back the truth
Inserting myself into the history
A tall tale to tell
Have faith
Have faith in me
Trust me for who I’ve always been
Nothing

Before we get into how weird or awful… what ever the fuck this was… let’s a dress the fact that the block editor sucks… Does anyone like it?… Is it really better than what we had before?… yes this post is late… but none of you know my new schedule… so that didn’t need to be said… but oddly enough I feel I should be honest with you…

I’ve been sitting on this long ass piece since June… I rewrote some of it since that night… fixed parts in the last year… I’m posting it because I just want to get it out of my head and out of my sight before I make it worse than it already is… So why post such a thing Layne??… because it seemed relevant to me today… What the hell is it even about??… it is about everything and nothing… what I hope comes across… is that it is about everything that fires in my brain… at any given time… as I write… as I speak… as I think… it is constant… well for the most part… sometimes I really think of nothing at all…

Sometimes… for a split second of my day… I don’t hear everyone telling me I’m not good enough… I don’t imagine everyone hating me… I don’t see everyone looking down on me as if I am nothing… and by everyone I mean me… depression is shit… a conscience… is everything and nothing… much like this poem… or collection of words… whatever the fuck you want to call it… it isn’t perfect… but it is constant… I’m amazed I get anything in life done… If you know what I mean… you know what I mean… if not we envy you… 

Good luck… I’m sure I’ll be late again next week… but good news… last I checked I’m the one running this shit into the ground… smiles… : ) : ) : )

Threadless… Amazon… Twitter…

Fuck block format… and whatever the fuck else they did… God… am I really getting this old?… 

2 thoughts on “What’s Left Inside of Me”

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