Broken Thoughts… Sifting Through The Ashes…

Words locked inside my head
Feeling as if I’ve always been dead
Looking for a past I can remember
A future without any limits
Parts of me left unknown
Without anything to show
Digging away at the wall
A dark place where I learned to fall
The shattered pieces never add up
If I figured it out would I even know
What I am looking for in all of this

You can’t buy time. You can pay for it but you can’t buy it.

No one understands anything they say
Death in the family same as before
What is the difference between feeling and felt
What is a question with too many answers
I know at some point I must leave
Dreading the day this doesn’t make sense
Waiting for my time
A reason to become who I am

Killers are the same as you.

Rebuilding myself from nothing
Dead inside
Lost and lonely
That’s been every day for years
Somehow this time feels different
Some ways it feels like the first time
Little deaths didn’t prepare me
For anything like this
An empty feeling inside my chest

What does that mean for the rest of us?

A constant drag on my soul
The need to let go is overwhelming
Never have I, never will I
Hating has become something more
Consuming my burning soul
A truth I can’t ignore
Imagine myself as someone else
Same archetype every time
Do onto others as they do onto me
The scars burned across my skin
There is no escaping what I am
No balance in the world
Even if I believe it to be

 

Let’s talk about that last one… hate is so strong… filled with
insecurities… filled with so much shit… I don’t see the point… if you
really hate something… you care about it more than anyone… anything else…
if you really didn’t care… you’d ignore it… be like fuck it… doesn’t
matter… I try to not let hate consume me… not because it is bad… we were
born to fear and hate… it comes so natural it disgusts me… I try to not
hate because I don’t want to care…

For instance… I hate my father… I don’t want to… I don’t even want
to think about him… but I can’t stop no matter how much I tell myself to just
quit thinking about him… I forget about him from time to time… and then
something stupid happens… then it is all I can think about… What I would
say if I saw him again… How I would act… all the hate I’d lay down on
him… all the things I could say to destroy him… It is a nice fantasy I live
from time to time… What I really hope though… that if it ever happens… if
I ever see that fat faded fuck face… is that I just walk away…

As much hate as I carry… as much hate that consumes my thoughts… I
hope I am man enough to just walk away… he deserves no part of me… no part
of my life… in so many ways I wish I could just throw him away like he did to
me… but life never works out that way… “No balance in the world…
Even If I believe it to be”… That’s when we have to just walk away…

So what does any of that have to do with that last Broken Thought?… There comes a time in racism… in hate… where you just have to let go… fine they don’t
like me because…. of my skin… of where I’m from… of how much money I
have… of what the fuck ever… Then they aren’t good enough to know who I
am… their loss not mine… You should always stand up for yourself… for
others… but there are times where walking away… doing your own thing…
does more than any other action could… Don’t let the hate consume you…

 

Merch… Threadless… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter

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