Took long enough to come to this conclusion Moments in time spent finding peace in chaos Nothing was ever going to be enough Carrying the answers with me all along Going back to the beginning To figure out where I am A slow march to death Pick a path and see where it ends Ignoring sign after sign What if any is the meaning of words If you don’t know what they should mean Rambling in the dark, rambling to myself Believing was always going to be The thing that brought me back here again
Addicted to what I’ve been told and not what I know…
Suffocating under the weight of everything The natural progress of Hating myself from within Digging my way out of an endless grave Piece by piece, brick by brick Been building the tomb I’ve always envisioned A monument to pass onto the next generation So they can do everything that’s already been done
“Maybe because sometimes someone wrote every sad song that they could.”
Pumping poison through the vein A constant heart beat That defines me The difference between living and dead Carry my thoughts with me Every where I go seems to be no where at all If there’s a constant here Could someone please point it out Never polite to point Even while staring into a mirror Blame everyone I see Staring back at me through the shadows That define me
Now Available On Amazon
Two Stories… Two Poems… and A Whole Lot of Thoughts….
The Next Exciting Volume in the Broken Thoughts Series is Now Available…
Now Packed with Even More Broken Thoughts… Poems… and Short Stories…
You Know for the Taste… *
This collection contains never before seen or read short stories not found any where… Including Strangers To Ourselves… A short story about one woman’s journey through hell and what she must do to survive… Also… included are classic short stories from the website… remixed… reedited… expanded… and somehow darker than ever before…
If you are a fan of everything found on the site… You are sure to love this unhinged… new collection from Layne Ambrose and Is That A Funeral?… Digital and Paperback available at Amazon and the Amazon Kindle Store…
What do you say with a million lives to say it? What do you do with a million days to do it? An endless array of endlessness that accumulates into a pool of endless ocean. A fully powered and operational confusion ray shown across a thousand skies would still not explain all the confusion I feel inside. The isolation of all the knowledge that needs to be said greatly increases the feelings closing in on me. The pages have become displayed on the walls. Three layers thick and making no sense at all. The words bleed together like poetry at first. But after long consideration the words mean nothing at all. Turn the page. Start again. See what comes out and in the end find no solace at all. What is the meaning of this madness? What is a lifetime spelled out in words?
I pace the room once again. Careful to not knock over the stacks. The pages that could not fit on the wall without nails. Hammer and blood. Zig zagging through future trash. The trash that riddles my mind. Have I said all that I mean or mean what I’ve said at all? The words trickle out like a stream that will one day be a waterfall. A tiny hole in my head that won’t stop leaking. The thought becomes dizzying. Dazed and consumed by all the words. I bump one of the stacks. It cascades threw out the room like a great wave of the coast of some mystical land. It blends and bends its will to all the other stacks piled up across the land. I stand in a sea of words, an ocean of thought. Even as I stare at each one. Remembering each pen stroke for what it was once worth. I can think of no meaning. No cause to add to this madness I have chosen to live.
Stare at each word. Each letter spelling out syllables and sounds. Meaning escapes me along the thoughts. Every passing moment descends further into nothing at all. The depths from under my skin. Flesh and blood. Meat without a taste. I can hear words as they echo out of the screams. Words played against a black screen. Images played to the silence of it all. A hollow sound that repeats. Blood drops, drops from somewhere though I am unsure where. A stream of red. A clue left behind? A whooshing sound blocks out the silence of thought. The blood pumps harder and faster within my head. Drip, drip. I can’t hear the noise. I can only feel it as I follow the trail. In circles I spin. Brushing up against the scattered pages of my mind. My bare legs chewed up amongst the pages. My blood bring new life to the words. Washing away letter for letter. Ideas for idea. Lost to the soul and pouring out of my head. A war fought bloody and hard. I continue to circle around the words like a vulture circles a dead carcass. I will find an answer to all this madness.
I haven’t showered in days. The new words keep pouring out all around me. The body riddled with sharp pains. I fear that I have become sick amongst the stacks. To quit now would mean that I should have never started at all. I’ve long since run out of paper. Resorting on writing scraps and bits of blood soaked left overs. I have lost track of where this is all going, but did I ever know? Follow the words. Follow the thoughts. Ideas set us free. Ideas separate the man from the beast. It is all here. Word for word. On display for any one with the time.
“A lost generation hoping for something to happen with the littlest effort at all. We all want to be millionaires, but no one has the heart to tell us that it won’t happen. No one has the heart to tell us shit.” Words cut out of my very chest. A pound of flesh I once called a heart. “They are all too scared, too afraid we’ll go shooting up the place. Our fragile minds can’t take the simplest of heart breaks. They fear that our trigger happy, unsympathetic, systematic minds with snap, and they are right for all the wrong reasons.” Man before the beast. Beast before the man. The call for blood of the innocent. The lives of a thousand sons and daughters. Is this not the calling of man? “Fear is nothing more than power. Fear is a manipulative tool used to take over the mind. They us the fear of it all to keep control. Governments, kingdoms, religion, and lies use the same tactics. Fear of the fear to keep control. Place in time. Fear equals control and control is fear. An impasse of conflicted ideas that have worked all too well.” Fitting in as the skin covers my mouth. Embraced by the society that birthed me. “A stabbed out swollen eye of infected corneas lathered so thick with bullshit that all we see is darkness. What about what is next? What happens in the end if no one stands up to the fleeting masses? The controls left in the hands of children. Evolution dictates that a change will cause adaptation to the original species. A rift will develop, slowly filling up with the lost illusion we once held.” Truth written in blood and disguised by lies of the mind. How could they ever lose control? More like them hidden amongst us like weeds that grow from the shit stuck in our eyes. “A river of deceit with a sediment so rich lies will grow like wild flowers amongst what is left of the masses. One could only hope. Giant man powered robots will reign supreme amongst the rubble of civilization. One great civilization shall rise from the ashes of our mistakes and in the end all the right will be wronged and all wrongs shall be righted.” A prophecy fore told in the shadows of the moon light on scrapped bits of paper. Cover the light with words and turn it off.
This is actually two ideas mashed together… a bit of a long post so I will keep it short… Nothing like a bit of madness to get your day started… Originally this was supposed to be used for a much bigger project about a writer losing his mind to the words… I got four pages deep when I realized no one wants to read about exactly what they are going through… So I chose all the best lines from that failed project… and tried my best to make sense out of it… or no sense at all… I just breathe the words… I don’t have to live them… and yet in some ways I do…
Broken dreams laid out in a conscious stream You can see them but did you ever really need them? A question to haunt the brain A question to question everything What is it that is so damn important? Risking to waste away What’s worth so much To sacrifice your soul The answer hangs some where in the air Like the feeling between lightning and thunder Doesn’t matter, know it has to happen, right? Waiting out the apocalypse A lifetime thinking, knowing it has to come Been told so many times to hold on The end of life and the beginning of another Ignorance truly is bliss Not knowing is worth so much more Than knowing anything at all She said, the Lord preached, life handed Nothing at all Is what it was and was what it is A long day strung out into a lifetime Day to day existence was all there was Ever meant to be Fighting the ocean will only get you wet Drag you under the weight of it all Ignorance has to be bliss There is no other answer that makes any sense Screaming into the vast canyon Screaming until there are no more words Throat cracked and bleeding No answer, no sound has ever come back to me Standing here wasting time Trying to figure out what I’m doing Nothing at all
The Next Exciting Volume in the Broken Thoughts Series is Now Available…
Now Packed with Even More Broken Thoughts… Poems… and Short Stories…
You Know for the Taste… *
This collection contains never before seen or read short stories not found any where… Including Strangers To Ourselves… A short story about one woman’s journey through hell and what she must do to survive… Also… included are classic short stories from the website… remixed… reedited… expanded… and somehow darker than ever before…
If you are a fan of everything found on the site… You are sure to love this unhinged… new collection from Layne Ambrose and Is That A Funeral?… Digital and Paperback available at Amazon and the Amazon Kindle Store…
It wouldn’t be so bad If it wasn’t for all the guilt It wouldn’t be so bad If it wasn’t all that I could think about It wouldn’t be so bad If it wasn’t an addiction It wouldn’t be so bad If it wasn’t for all the thoughts of suicide It wouldn’t be so bad If I could only do it in the end It wouldn’t be so bad If I would only let it but I can’t
If I Had Known
I’ve waited too long Thought I knew what was best Knew nothing all along My thoughts they repeat Stuck on a word that Won’t last long All the thoughts in my head Hurt as though made of glass Each one poking and stabbing Till there is nothing at all I repeat the cycle Forcing something that can’t be forced I need something new What that is I’m unsure My future is all planned A future of not at all
Time for three or four random questions to be answers… no one asked but here we go… Questions provided by the fabulous Ungame… never heard of it?… there might be a reason…
Question 1: What Is Your Best Friend Like?
She is the type of person… that you’d want to hang on a wall… put on display… someone you always want to be there… and when she is not… you can really feel it… deep down in your soul… luckily I have a wall for such things…
Question 2: Finish The Sentence “The Best Thing About Today Is…”
That I’m not the only one using ellipses… too lame… That I didn’t strangle anyone at work… too obvious… That I didn’t have to tell my daughter to pick up her dead things… too illogical… because I checked out as a parent today… That I got to do something I wanted to do today… Just right…
Question 3: If You Could Live Anyplace In The World – Where Would It Be?
Wow… this is a hard one… because I want to live every where… but I will try to limit to… Japan… South Africa… Australia… Antarctica… Sweden… Norway… Finland… South Korea… Madagascar… if I am limited to the United States… then Alaska… Maine… North Dakota… Montana… everywhere I am not basically… haha… someplace cold… isolated… and has a lot of Asian food… I need trees too… In my head I guess…
Question 4: What Do You Like To Do In Your Spare Time?
What the fuck is spare time?… I enjoy a lot of things… I spend most of it writing though… I love doing that… I always enjoy collecting dead things… bird skulls… I need more… Legos… destroying piece of wood or as I like to call them projects… I’d say listening to music… but I do that with everything… reading… whatever my daughter wants me to do… hide and seek… floor is lava… Minecraft… trying to find time to spend with my wife… watching true crime documentaries… I’m pretty boring…
Layne Ambrose
Got out of that one pretty easy… more random questions to come… next month… looking for words?… check the links below…
The Next Exciting Volume in the Broken Thoughts Series is Now Available…
Now Packed with Even More Broken Thoughts… Poems… and Short Stories…
You Know for the Taste… *
This collection contains never before seen or read short stories not found any where… Including Strangers To Ourselves… A short story about one woman’s journey through hell and what she must do to survive… Also… included are classic short stories from the website… remixed… reedited… expanded… and somehow darker than ever before…
If you are a fan of everything found on the site… You are sure to love this unhinged… new collection from Layne Ambrose and Is That A Funeral?… Digital and Paperback available at Amazon and the Amazon Kindle Store…