She Knows Way Too Much… Broken Thoughts…

Thought maybe this might end
One too many times
Moments in time as they slip by
A crawling feeling from down inside
Took long enough but not long enough
The words escape what I’d like to say
What was meant to be slips away
Gave it all I had and now this is all
Anyone could hope to be left with
A dying breath left on lips of regret
Always more to do looking back
Never enough time to reflect on thought
Did my part but was it enough?
Will anything ever be enough?
When we don’t know what it is
We are looking for in all of this

A heart… a hole… a destiny I can’t afford…

Tapping the well, draining the lake
I wonder what we’d find at the bottom
Lined with bodies, lined with lies
Metaphoric, a thought buried in the mind
A grave left at sea, a grave yard of thought
The list could be endless in theory
But I think we already know
I think we’ve always known
What lies ahead, below, and above
Not only sky, not only lies
Digging deeper through the tissue
Pulling apart the thoughts as though
We didn’t know how this all began
Truth buried deep within
Truth lining the lake bed of the mind
But I think we already knew
I think we’ve always known
What lies ahead, below, and above
Denial more than a thought unheard
Death has always been
Everything it was intended to be

“When you are in your twenties you see the world on fire and think I have to do something to put it out. The older you get the more you realize the world has always been on fire and it is time that I got mine. The warnings left behind by generations before don’t seem as empty as they once did. They no longer seem like wasted excuses of a failure that has failed. The words around you begin to make some sort of sense. Their actions become shared actions. Wisdom comes in waves. Existence of the fire becomes clearer over time as you see the size of the flames. You learn to understand that you don’t put a fire out by running directly into the center of it. Rather you contain it and take it out slowly from the outside. There is no value in sacrificing yourself for something that won’t end. Was never meant to end. But if you could make it smaller? Well then what have you done then? Have you done your part in all of this or only burned on in the flames as the world has planned for you at your birth? Not all questions have a definitive answer. Something you can’t really understand without the time to really think about. Something you can’t really understand until you get there. That is where I am in this world at the moment. A space between now and then. Some days the spark flares up in me and I want to jump into the belly of the beast, but for the most part I’ve learned to contain my adolescent.”

M.T. Billings, Misguided Ideas of a Misunderstood Threat

Broken Thoughts
Layne Ambrose

Pretty odd place to leave things… honestly I wouldn’t waste my time… or yours… if I didn’t think that it meant something deeper… You have probably never heard of M.T. Billings before… and that is okay… because they don’t have a website… we are working on it… from what I can acquire they are still too busy working on any sort of material… if it sounds like I am being vague… imagine how I feel?… there is still a lot to learn about the mysterious M.T. Billings… see what happens I guess… in the mean time… Is That A Funeral? and I have offered to help them in any way we can…

Speaking of… as we move forward with this great big ball of shit… Is That A Funeral? and I have been discussing taking on more authors… we are looking at different ways to do it… different ways to balance the work load… finally catching up around here… has been nice… but I think we are looking for a new challenge… Using what they have learned from me… we are thinking of starting off pretty slowly… maybe a new feature here or there… know more later… look out 2021… Is That A Funeral? is coming for you… (They asked me to say this… honestly if they weren’t my friends… we are barely friends… but when someone believes in you… can’t really just walk away…)

Enough business for today… let’s get down to some thoughts on nothing at all… the empty void in my head has been throwing around a lot of ideas… where to go next… I think I mentioned this already… the thoughts come back in from time to time… which I think is why what Billings said really struck me enough to feature it… where I am and where I was is a space I am currently stuck in… I have more than enough ideas… just unsure if I want to stay where I am or give something new a chance… doesn’t seem like a big deal… and in the scheme of life it probably isn’t on the surface… but changing things up now would mean a few years of my life invested in something different… but what is a few years on a scared heart?…

It is a scary and exciting feeling… growing and expanding is an important part of life… a necessary part of all of this… it is not as though I will be abandoning everything I have done… the differences for you will probably be so minimal that you won’t even know what the hell I am talking about… I’m ranting and this is where I am in my head… on a cliff… ready to jump… now I just have to do it… and stop thinking about it… easier to say when you’re not chewing on glass…

Merch… Threadless… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter

BooksClothing… Now Available… From Is That A Funeral?…

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