There Is A Clicking Sound Coming From Some Where..

Adam Never Understood Eve

Friendship destroyed over time
Words exchanged, truth
You try to hide
Don’t like the outcome
Look inside, I didn’t say
I didn’t do this to you
Spoke my mind from the outside

I get I’m not you
I understand I don’t feel like you
Understand I am not you
How I feel shouldn’t be so important to you

Cut me out like a cancer
Purge me from your system
Doesn’t hide the truth
The reason you’re so angry
You know I’m right or you’d call bullshit
Know that I mean what I say
I can take the hurt, the pain
Understand what you threw away
Destruction of a relationship
Two sides to everything
Right and wrong
Only a thought
Never understood me at all

 

(Warning… Going to get real fucking dark from here until the banner… If the title is too much… the poem isn’t going to spark a sense of happiness… )

 

Suicide is… Fuck You… 

The guilt dripping from your wounds
Bleeding pain, purging existence
Hated you, but me?
Selfless, selfish, what’s the difference?
Label my pain, put me in a box
Check it off your list
Sure I spit blood
Poison to only drink down
Counting 1, 2, 3, 4
Why bother counting them at all?
Drawing it out, taking sips like anyone gives a shit
No one cared until it was too late
Testing me motherfucker is all I got
Didn’t do this for you, did it for me
Dug the hole, ready to sleep underground
Calling out, thought about the thoughts
The anger, the pain it fades
Going on wasn’t what it was before
A silence so pure, I’m afraid
I’ve taken this to some other place
Fighting to, fighting everything
Should have walked away
Death and pain were never the same thing
Thought I knew, I knew nothing at all
Can’t take back what’s already been
Fucking moment of clarity
Came to fucking late

Step back, look around
Before what is done
Can’t be undone
Pain is living 
Living is the only way to be
Beauty behind what can be seen
Feeling or felt
I’m not afraid of what you say
What you may do
A weakness, a lie
This life at times
Can just be too much
What it is, a storm
Only passing through

 

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Prewarning this rant might get dark… but I really hope it doesn’t… though if you are a fan… once I get started… we are all in for a ride… where that goes?… who the fuck knows… I should watch Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory again… On a side note… Ampersand… is a word I love and never use… I just love the sound of it… hate the symbol though… by the time you are done making it not look like a “G”… just write “and”… it is three fucking letters… well that was the rant… haha… let’s get into this before I forget what it is I am even trying to say… 

The dark poem… Suicide is… Fuck You… First the title is a play on Suicide is Painless… I’d link that… but you either know or you don’t know and I don’t belive that it is in fact painless… I talk a lot about my inner demons… but I don’t talk a lot about my deep down demons… I touch on them from time to time… mostly about my struggle with fighting them off… Of course I believe this is all part of being human… a rationalization that can’t really be disproved… to say I don’t think about doing it at least once every few days well… that would be a lie… I don’t think that is weird… off-putting… or makes me a freak… but why don’t I do it?… I’ve certainly thought about it enough…

I don’t kill myself not because I am stronger than those who have… or better… or anything superficial as that… don’t get me wrong I am an arrogant ass none the less… I don’t do it because… fuck it lets see what happens… Everything around me is already trying to kill me… why give in?… if I am going to die… then I’m going to die… whether I want too or not… I also don’t go rob… steal… or try to hurt anyone for the same reason… why bring on… push that pain on to someone else?… that seems unfair… I think there is more than enough to live for… and more than enough to not… I walk a thin fucking line… I never promise anything… but I will do my best… can always go either way… I live moment to moment… because if I don’t… my anxiety takes over… and my first thought is always end it… to me it seems when there is no more fight… that’s when things are truly bad… get up keep swing… 

Where that takes me?… fuck it lets see what happens… does that work for everyone… no… that’s something about anything… find out what works for you… but find out what works… not hurting anyone?… not hurting yourself beyond repair?… fuck it… see what happens… point is that you need to see what happens… because that is where the real fun is… unrealistic?… maybe… but so is killing yourself… thinking the pain will go away… life is a shit show… we just have to live it… 

Chewing on fucking glass… tastes like shit… hope it fucking lasts… 

 

Threadless… Shirts… Amazon… Books… Esty… Art… Twitter… Broken Thoughts… 

There’s a Crack In My Heart That I Can Not Contain…

 

It’s been 27 years since this song debuted… a lot of shit has happened in that time… a lot of emotions have sparked and died… but does any of it matter?… Is music really that important?… Is a dead man worth remembering?… 

We are all searching for some form of importance… to our kids… to our friends… on the internet… through our books… and words… thoughts thought about and purged onto someone else… it all seems too much to take in at times… too much to process… but is it important?… I would hope so…

This song makes me happy… makes me want to get up and do something with myself… the song brings me so much joy, but at the same time so much pain… so many thoughts of what could have been… the realization that someone is dead… that there is no more music coming… a retrospective on who I am and what I want to be… a burden or a saint… 

Worshiping a drug addict doesn’t seem like the right think to do… but if he told me to jump… would I?… how much influence can someone really have?… as much as we let them… a guiding light… when it comes to the arts… we take certain things and separate them from the facts… it doesn’t matter what he did but what he has done… broken… the idea is broken… and I am broken right along with him… 

Kurt Cobain has influenced me… Nirvana has influenced me… and in the 27 years since then… they still do… along with countless others… his death was to me another crack on my heart… another fractured reminder that all my heroes are dead… and one day I will be too… 

 

“I have never failed to feel.”
Kurt Cobain

 

 

Threadless… Merch… Amazon… Books… Etsy… Art… Twitter… Broken Thoughts

Why Can We Not Sleep Forever?…

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If you follow me on Instagram than you are more than likely sick of seeing this image… need to get a new camera… slash lighting set up… but I think you get the point… 

Now available on Etsy… click here to find out more… 

 

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This makes the perfect addition to your wardrobe if you are a fan of me… dogs… and blood… not so much if you enjoy all three at the same time… no judgment… but bloody dogs is not cool… by the way fun fact…. that is real blood…. pigs blood… but very real all the same… nothing but the best for all of you….

Funny story… I spent the whole day collecting enough to get weird with… my friend thought it would be a good idea to run it through the wrapping machine… her heart was in the right place… by the time she hit the emergency stop… it looked like a massacre went down in the cutting room… it was a little surreal… what if a machine could bleed?… that was a fun day… you can purchase this design and a few others here at Threadless… 

 

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But we all know why you are really here… for the words… this poem collection… And Other Things From This Time… is now available on Amazon… in paperback and digital… free on Kindle Unlimited as well… a friend of mine Jeanne... did a very cool review on it recently… she even added a little something that I think is extra special… if you don’t already follow her… have a look around… she is very talented on many fronts… her photography is on point… her words bring out the best in everything she does… check it out… 

That’s it… I’m out of soul to sell today… see you tomorrow… for… honestly I have no idea… flying by the seat of my pants… for no reason at all…