Broken Thoughts… Do Not Crush or Chew… Swallow Whole…

The razor blade digs into my side
A contraption meant for something else
Reusing useless item to make a point


The absence of your insignificance

Spitting the venom foaming at the mouth
I loved you so much that I wish I was dead
Standing at the crossroads of crucifixion
A place that meant so much before
Words carry no weight
Cliched, depraved edition of everything said
Spinning in circles looking for something that isn’t there
A long ass sentence with no point
Left alone so long ago
Abandoned to the point no one knows
Lost in time and space
All the ideas we decided to create

Selfishness and everything I strive to be

Hung over, fractured skull
Left regretting mistakes
Still processing all the shame
Brain on fire and only one to blame
Stand still, watching the world spin
Slowly becoming, sober

Flesh from the bone… heart torn from the soul…

The flames of despair are flaring up again
Taking away any confidence I may have had
Searching the world for my ego
Stealing from all those around me
Demented dimensions of disproportionate thoughts
Shattered shadow slowly dying in the dark
Lost everything when I lost you
Took away anything I thought I had
A talent for noticing how fucked up I am
My will sways in the wind
Broken branches littering the ground
Up routed and so far from where I began
Where do I go
Standing before a fork in a destroyed road
No path free from your corruption
No path that hasn’t already been worn down
Sell my soul for a little peace
A thoughtless thought that haunts me

Burning through my notes at an unusual pace… honestly trying to clear most of this mess off my desk… move on to something new… I’d love to start working on my novel… well I have but I have been at an impasse… Been too lazy… collecting excuses… collecting pages of distractions… Been so long I’m starting to forget what it was even about… not a good sign… figure it all out in time… everything in time I suppose…

Merch… Threadless… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter

Little Fears Is Chewing On Glass…

Or is Chewing On Glass looking at Little Fears?… Either way… we have done it again… Honestly I think this one is pretty good… could be our best collaboration so far… So send some love over to Little Fears aka Peter… and enjoy… (I wrote this before it was out so if you are reading this after 3/3/19… You are just enjoying… Little Fears…)

Okay… now that you have checked it out… you did check it out?… I can talk a little bit about the original project… The piece that you just read… is from a project I have been trying to get off the ground for a while… okay… it was an idea I had that I wrote a two page treatment for and meant to come back to… shit that was probably… seven years ago…

Time fucking flies by… almost two years ago… I offered it to Peter… we are a both a little consumed with our projects… to be honest though… I pitched the comic, Is That A Funeral, to him in our second email… maybe our first correspondence… haha… I was a bit excited to work with him… I’ve been meaning to pitch it to him again… but I left it in the idea bin and kind of forgot about it… then Peter sent me an email about doing another project… hyped… I knew this was the time to actually do it…

In reality though the part of Is That A Funeral that you read is more of a second or third… idea for the project… turns out that the two page treatment was just that… a treatment… so I rewrote the best version I could based on how I wanted it to be seven years ago… hopefully you enjoyed it… I enjoyed working on it with Peter… but he is always a pleasure to work with… so that part wasn’t difficult… and yes… my publishing company is also called Is That A Funeral?… I named the comic after it… seemed fitting…

New logo for Broken Thoughts?… Let me know…

Beacasue… I Don’t Want To Know… For Fun…

 

 

 

 

 

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All mixed up… but please… did you really expect anything else?... out of these which is your favorite?… no judgement… (Shh.. Dirt Room… please come on… you know me better by now…)

Threadless.. Shirts… Amazon… Books... Broken Thoughts… Twitter... 

One Year Ago… From The Heart…

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What a year it has been… a lot has gone down… a lot has been said… a lot of things have changed… I grew a lot in this year… from who I am to closer to who I want to be… I could be a selfish ass and take all the credit… believe me I want to be… but no…

No… all this is thanks to you… yeah you… each and every one of you for reading… liking… commenting… and being who you are… you have all helped me grow as a person… as a writer… as a father… and as a friend… you have all been there for me when I was down… lifted me back up when I needed it…been there for me when I didn’t think I could go on… I could name names… but that wouldn’t be fair… it has been everyone… thank you… from the bottom of my heart… Thank you… 

With my heart filled with joy… here is to another year… a year filled with stories and poetry… broken thoughts and shitty advice… because we all know you are here for the pure enjoyment of words and not for me to kiss your ass… : )

Yeah… I know none of this was dark… but you all bring out the best in me… damn you… 

With all the love a black heart can come up with… thank you…

Layne Ambrose 7/29/18

 

(I’m sure you thought I was going to sell you something… But that is tomorrow… this is today… I think I have links… if I don’t… oh well… I’m just glad you are here today… maybe it is time for a face lift?… speaking of… Great album by Alice In Chains… just saying… best tracks… It Ain’t Like That or Sunshine… but those are deep cuts… We Die Young… great opener… I’ll shut up now… if you promise to listen… )

Post Script of the Unimaginative

I’m torn between what I have become and what I want. A lazy layabout who only dreams of becoming something rather than doing anything about it. I’m so lost in this pragmatic world of no sleep isolation of the world. I think ways of getting myself out of this hell I have created, but there is no way out.  There is no green grass on the other side only more sacrifice that I am no longer willing or able to fight for. If I could I would do nothing and I already am. Yet day after day visions and thoughts of doing better bounce in and out of my head. I’m trapped in this depression called life though I am not truly sad. There is nothing wrong with me I just can’t seem to leave this place.

This constant war between sleep and no sleep has left me feeling devastated. It has left me feeling as though I am searching for something. As if I am missing a huge part of this life. In essence, I’m sure that I am not. I am actually living life as it comes and goes one day at a time. This is life but dreamers got to dream. I dying soul has got to believe in more than this. Whether it is about what we have or what we want.

My mind is flooded with too many thoughts to actually concentrate on anything going on around me. To tell a story, to live a lie requires way too much effort at this time. I wish I could get away. Shed this sickness once and for all. Take some time for myself and worry about nothing at all. I think of these things as I stumble through life. Hope for a day it might happen, but I know me and I will never let this happen. I can’t let go. I can’t move on. My thoughts are locked into nothing at all.

I once wrote that my freedom is a six-foot ditch. My salvation lies in a grave that I dig, we dig every day. I’m at liberty to believe I have such gifts and insights to get me through all this crap. But I know deep down I’m full of more shit than anyone who chooses to stand next to me. Anyone I pass as I float through this life. A constant war with normalcy. A constant struggle to be something I’m not. I believe I am better than you because I am an asshole. Because I am human or at least I would like to believe that is my answer.

If I could change one thing it would take a lifetime to decide what that change would be. A lifetime wasted on something out of my control. I have been dealt the hand that I have been dealt and I must continue to live with what I got. These are the rules. This is the game. Easier said than actually done. Fuck this game and fuck this day. Maybe tomorrow I will feel different. Maybe all this bitching will seem dumb. But right here, right here at this moment, it all feels like a waste of time.

It all seems pointless. Why go on fighting if there is nothing to fight for? What am I struggling with? Money, fame? I want none of these things yet I can’t stop thinking about how my life would never be the same. Fuck the money and fuck the fame. I just want the freedom that comes with this grave. This home I have built for myself. A drawn out thought that has left me here all along.

 

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Selling my soul one t-shirt at a time… click here to join in on the sacrifice… we also have totes… because why not… 

We have books as well… Drinking Bleach, A Lie, and And Other Things From This Time… Now available… please leave a review… someone reads them… I only like the bad ones.. they make me smile… or feel something inside… unsure what they do to my lifeless corpse…