Broken Thoughts… Before We Met… (Video)…

There’s a darkness that covers the sun
Night during the day
This feeling won’t go away
Is it morning or is it night
Does in matter?
There’s no will to even fight
Streams of consciousness
No more will to live
An idea without any sound
Bury me now
Before I drown
Take it for what you will
A rebirth with no resolution
Empty thoughts
Feelings of hopelessness
Trapped in an existence that
Doesn’t exist
Doesn’t Exist

Feel like I’m suffocating in a room full of windows…

It’s all pretty pointless
A fucking joke I tell myself
Why am I here
If I don’t want to be?
Why keep going
If none of it matters?
Do you see where I’m coming from
Lost my mind or only just begun?
A lot of questions with no answers
You think I’m wrong
But, know that I am right
Hate myself from somewhere deep inside

I actually posted this video last July… in case you missed it… here it is… pretty dark… but what did you expect from me?… wrote the music myself… though I was heavily inspired by Nine Inch Nails for this one,… really wanted a soft and then loud noise type of feel… it wasn’t everything I had in my head… but it was close enough… there is a “live” version I might post or use later of the same track… unsure… I like it… but it is a little odd… wait… everything I do is a little odd…

The words are from the video… in case you can’t watch it right now… not missing out on much… just music… still trying to figure out exactly what I want to do with my YouTube channel… hopefully by now I have figured out… Hope all is well…

Merch… Threadless… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter

When There’s No More Room… Part 7…

I noticed the way she looks at me again today. The look of a blank stare, but it is not a blank stare. It is as if she is trying to tell me something that words could never really say. I see it in her eyes. Those cold green eyes. They appear almost gray as though something is hidden in them. Ten years I have stared into these eyes. Ten years I have study this girls eyes. I have watched as she has gone from child to woman and it is as though nothing has ever changed. Ten years of failure. Ten years of silence. I’ve run every test possible. Everything in the book just to hear her speak. Electroshock therapy, two electrodes attached to her head and enough electricity to shock anyone awake. Not a god damn peep. If it wasn’t for her pulse and her eyes I would rule her dead. I fought tooth and nail to keep her after she turned eighteen. The state told me she had served her time. I argued that she still needs to server more, but like this? Was it worth it?

Her crimes though not as extensive as the others leave a lot to the imagine nation as to why. Why a child would commit such a crime? A silent hour every week for ten years and I am not any closer to finding out the answer. Her eyes dance as if she is trying to tell me something. Maybe it is a neurological condition? No, I’ve tested that and came up with nothing. She chooses not to say anything at all. Ten years and I have never heard her voice. Witness, the neighbors claim to have heard her scream awakening them from a dead sleep. A scream like a siren only to stop. Replaced with silence. Imagine my jealousy to these complete strangers. Her eyes tease me like a loaded gun. Her eyes so innocent, so green, could they really have comprehended what she had done? Could anyone?

Could anyone understand fully the act of killing their parents? Witness testified that she was often beaten. Appeared to have bruises, black eyes, cuts all over her body. Never enough to raise alarm, but enough to noticed. The scars though faint are still there. What all her parents have done is lost in her eyes, but what she did has been well documented. The simplest of them all murder. The more complex. The ones I want to know, to understand? Hidden behind those eyes. How does a child carefully remove the skin of a person? Let alone their own parents? I know surgeons.  Doctors paid to be precise every day and every time. Even they do not understand how a child could be so methodic. A pile of skin laid on the floor as she began the real work she had set out to do. As one police officer stated in their report, “The organs were laid out. Laid out on display like we had to do in basic training for our rifles. Laid there ready to be put back in if need be.”

No, a child could not understand what they have done? Or could they? The answers sit before me waiting to be discovered. No evil in sight only a blank stare. Yet she sits before me. A child capable of tearing apart her whole family. A child who shaped the bones of her parents to that of some kind of monster. A child who took the skin of her mother from the floor and wore it like a costume until the police arrived. What kind of evil truly lives behind those green eyes?  

Sorry for the late post… internet has been down… the real horror of this story if you ask me… up an running… hopefully I won’t be late on the next one…

Merch… Threadless… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter...