And Other Things From This Time Preview

New America

Woke up with little to say
Now should be the time to strike
At a loss for how I feel
The words circle my mind without a thought
Miss guided, maybe
Lost as always
A constant need to say everything I am thinking
When will I ever shut up
My mind is always repeating
Coming up with more and more
Some of it worth saying, most of it the same shit as before
A bent helix and nothing more
Page turner is hard to come by
Wouldn’t understand unless you are already at my level
Zero sleep, pumping caffeine directly into my vein
Could OD and feel the same
An absolute with absolutely nothing at all
Foreign ideas lost in familiar land
Said we are the same but I have no idea who these people are
Learned to live so far away from here
They said it was the same and they couldn’t be more wrong
America failed itself over and over
Each generation a lost nation soaked in blood
A dirty mind lost in thought

Often

I often wonder what it feels to die
Does it feel like I do now
All alone with no one to talk too
I do this to myself
Yet I don’t know the answers to my own questions
I often wonder how soon
Will all this prove to be meaningless
They say you pave your own way
But what if it’s not true
What if this is nothing more than a collection
Of me and you
I often wonder about God
Am I him or is it you
All reason would lead to nothing at all
I feel like I know what I’m saying
But in the end it all seems to come out the same
Blood in blood out and all that shit
Maybe life is nothing more than a brotherhood
Of bull shit
I do this to myself
Get all upset for no good reason
I often wonder what it feels to die
And I know it has to feel like this

Now Available Where All Kindle Books Are Sold…. Yes I Sold Out Because It Is All That I Know….

And Other Things From This Time Preview

Untitled Mess

If time is the only thing I don’t have left
Why does it seem to take forever
Breaking down the doors between mad and insane
Smashing bloody fists to let me in
I’ve got sex on the brain with no chance of getting any
Do this to myself
I’m destroying myself
Hating myself for all the things I didn’t do
Regretting the little things that I have done
No one to blame, but those around me
My hate grows from inside
A burning that doesn’t die even after I am done
Stupidity should be a crime and your excuses are filled with lies
Ignorance is bliss until you open your mouth
A piss soaked stench that I can’t wash from my mind
The shit keeps piling up against you, straight to the ceiling it’s all there is
So sick of swimming in it, the taste consumes me
Baseball bat to the head I already know I’m swinging at the dead
Feels so good to let it out
Silence comes across the stage to hush me, to shut me out
Chewing on my own leg in hopes that you will shut up
There is a story hidden in all of this
The screaming makes everything confusing or make sense
Haven’t decided and I’m not willing to give up yet
Sleeping on a floor of mismatched fabrics has made me bitter
Your English sucks and you’ve never done as you were told
An animal that I can’t live without
A fear quilted together from many little wishes
How can one person have so much hate
I love you anyways

Fuck It and See What Happens

Historically we have been heading this direction
A dictatorship might do us some good
Democracy was such bullshit in the end
Did we really think that we could pull it off
A day long crisis of faith
Time to pick ourselves back up and do it again
Screaming for blood, screaming for a revolution
All that is, is noises inside your head
Too lazy to get up off your ass
Sucking at the tit of modern industry
If this all collapsed what if anything could you do for yourself
Wipe your tears and understand we were never meant to win
A blanket of hypocrisy pulled tighter with every turn
Broken down system was never going to let the right ones in
Money is all that it takes
Can you speak it, understand it, pray to it
The new gods are paid in gold not hopes and dreams like the old
We talk of freedom as we rattle our chains in protest
Does any of this really surprise you anyways?
The invisible cage of society was built to lock us in
You either struggle to succumb or succumb to struggle
Our voice, our pain, our survival are nothing more than talking points
Bullet points on a page, check marked so they know what to say
No matter the outcome our fears won’t go away
The bottom holds the top because we let it
So shut the fuck up if you are not willing to try
Fuck it and see what happens

Broken Spiral

Rationally this all has to make some sense
On a human level we can’t all be laid to rest
Someone has to be left to do all the work
A grinding of flesh and bone
For centuries this is the way of the world
The digital age gave away to mass laziness
A sense of retrospection and wonder
Breeding of weakness spread out over time
If it all came down the collapse would be more than once thought
the fear growing over time
It has to be known that this will all fail
We always find a way to let the wrong one in
A screeching halt of metal and gears
How does one rise from a dead stop
Someone has to do all the work
But who when we’ve all given up
Rationally this all has to make some sense
A broken spiral with crippling regret

No, I Am Life

“You know she is going to leave you.”

“I know this.”

“Yet you stay?”

“Things are going to work out the way they work out whether you want them to or not. Fate is fate and no matter what information one may have it can’t be changed.”

“You know how tragic that sounds?”

“I am more aware than you could possibly imagine. Having already seen it, having already felt it there is no worse fate than to keep on living with the knowledge of things to come.”

“You should just get out of this. Change your fate if you truly have the power to do so.”

“Useless time and energy spent on a useless resolution for one cannot change their fate. No matter how hard someone tries. She will leave me and not for some time. Her actions will leave me in a condition far worse than death, but I am expected to rise back up from this.”

“You are stupid.”

“No, I am life and she will be death. Have you not been paying attention?”

“You live in another world beyond ours I take it.”

“You mock me because you don’t understand. You mock me because you are afraid I may have news for you.”

“Do you know something you are not telling me?”

“I’d be lying if I told you no, but I’m afraid it is the only answer I have for you.”

You Draw Something

Everything has always been one big problem. One after another in an endless cycle. Everyone and everything about them has been a problem since the dawn of time. The words can’t escape my head fast enough. No one expects shit from me any ways. They all assume they can ride my ass to the promise land.

Loaded gun resting in my mouth I’m so done with that shit. I’m so sick of everything and everyone pushing me to do it. My misery means more to everyone else than it does for me. Push as hard as they like won’t do them any good. If I haven’t done it yet then I’m never going to do it.

Too fucking bitter, too fucking beat down to even bother. The world revolves around no one and it sure as fuck won’t stop because you do. I want so much more from this world than it could ever give to me. Living more lives inside my head than I can put ink to the page. I guess that’s how you know the safety is on.  Don’t want to die just enjoy the threat of it all.

Doesn’t make up for the bleeding asshole the world likes to provide. The nightly penetration gets old, but it also becomes familiar. Constantly on edge. Who the fuck knows what retarded ass shit they will come up with in the morning. What new bull shit policy they make up on the spot? Seems I enjoy the abuse. Really I’m only tired of starting over. Wasting away years of my life only to be like fuck it. Compliance with old age is the real killer.

The gun slips from my lips. What am I doing here? Must be how the mad man feels after pulling the trigger if they feel anything at all. Not feeling anything must feel nice. No one gets off that easy. Everyone has to suffer. Some more than other I guess.

Something Different

A Constant Ending with an Evolving Beginning

We sleep in a blanket made of darkness
A power will rise that will seem unstoppable
All things eventually fail
The idea was dead before we were ever born
Our history made of lies is catching up
The beliefs we believe have always been false
Told what to do and how to think
An iron curtain so thick no light could ever get through
Guns, God, and government the three G’s
Suffocating us into sleep
The problem isn’t the distraction but each and every one of us
A culture based on greed can’t breed good things
We profit from death yet are afraid to die
The catch 22 is in our advancement
Only problems never solutions
The great nation hasn’t won a war since world war two
Who is to blame when all these generations know nothing better
Peace is paved in bodies
Under God there can be no peace if everyone is wrong
Religion, money, and freedom has become the new evils
Redressed to seem as though this is untrue
There is no God in pain
There is no money in happiness
There is no freedom in death
Only another cause to keep fighting for
America will die and a new evil shall rise
This is how it always works, this is how it is

Into Reality

Lies, lies we tell ourselves to get by
Everyone is standing in their windows
Hoping to get noticed, but everyone is too busy
Ignoring the people in their shitty lives
A generation raised on hiding, despising
Falsified documents made to look like lives
Every ones opinion locked away in a data bank
What did you do today?
Nothing the same as always
Who wants to hear the truth, infliction
What you mean, the words get twisted
Infections, choose properly or be torn down
Shit upon, dragged around and forgotten
This is the world in which we live our lives

The Date Rapist

“You can’t sit there,” a voice out of nowhere exclaims. “Why the fuck not?” I ask into the darkness. “There is a rapist on the loose. Well a date rapist or something like that. He might even be you. I don’t know,” the voice without a face says. “Why is it always a man? How come it is never some big breasted, sexy woman who is out to get everyone using nothing but her vagina to seek revenge? Always a man and his oh so powerful dick coming to wreak havoc on the world,” I huff. I still haven’t managed to look for the source of the voice. It has to belong to a woman. “Are you serious right now?” She asks. I don’t bother responding. “Women can’t rape men. Everyone knows that. How the hell would that even work anyways? Rape is an act of anger and hate forced onto an individual that isn’t willing to participate sexually,” she informs me. “What are you a fucking dictionary?” I ask. “Know what it doesn’t matter because you are wrong. A woman can rape a man in more ways than one. Just because their dick is hard doesn’t mean that they want to have sex. That is the same as saying because a woman was all wet it means she wanted it. She wanted it so badly. We are programmed to fuck in a subconscious level even if we don’t want to,” I interject.  “You are raping my ears right now with your dirty talk,” the voice says. “Then you have the whole other level of raping that doesn’t even involve dicks. I mean anything can be inserted into an anus from a finger to an action figure. So really to say a woman can’t rape a man is wrong. She can if she really wanted to. Granted she would have to overpower the man, but the same drugs men use to accomplish their goal are also available to women. Let’s face it though most men are little bitches now a days anyways so, really a woman might not even need drugs in the first place,” proudly proving my point. “What the hell is wrong with you?” She asks in disgust. “Hey you brought up the topic of rapist and some ignorant shit about how women couldn’t possibly be one,” I answer. “Oh so now I am ignorant because I don’t believe a woman can rape a man. That sounds real intelligent. You are so smart I wish I could be as smart and stupid as you. I was just trying to be safe and now I’m the bad guy,” She had more to say but gets interrupted. “Excuse me do we have a problem here?” A male voice asks from out of no where. “Oh fuck,” we both exclaim in unison. I reach for my pepper spray. Spraying the little can in no general direction towards the male voice. She apparently had the same idea as me. We don’t stop spraying until our cans are empty. The pepper spray mist cloud clears and we stand there watching as the man lies on the ground kicking and screaming. The strong stench of urine coming up from where he lays. There is a dark outline growing around the crotch of his uniform that becomes visible even in the shallow light of the street lamp. “I’m a fucking cop,” he screams rubbing his eyes. “What do we do?,” I shout before dropping the can of pepper spray. “Let’s get the fuck out of here,” a big breasted and sexy woman suggests. To scarred to do anything else we run into the darkness to afraid to look back.