Life and Luck

“My lighter quit working on me three cigarettes ago, but I keep flicking the damn thing expecting it to light. That’s really how my life has been lately, broken and useless. If it wasn’t for all the anti smokers informing me of my future death I’d already think I was dead. All my money is tapped out and I’m begging for a light from a crowd of strangers. One wicked old lady felt the need to tell me how smoking is hazardous to my health. Thanks like I didn’t already know that I tell her. The surgeon general’s been warning me for years, but your comment finally hit close to home because your opinion matters on my life. Since were being honest your handbag doesn’t match your shoes and it’s really distracting to the eye. She called me an asshole and I smiled. Nonsmokers are useless. They should all be shot or just shut the hell up. Most of them are hypocritical bastards that down a thirty pack of their favorite beer and decided to take a Sunday drive down the sidewalk. Isn’t it amazing how drunks can forget words like no or force themselves on a woman and not remember, but they can find their cars in a white out blizzard and run over six people? Been smoking ten years and I’ve still been unable to take a life, but my own. I’m the real villain of the world. Maybe I should turn myself in to the police? They might be looking for me and I should be careful. At least I could get a hot meal and a place to stay if they can find me.

You could say I lost my money on the market like everyone else in recent history, but my market was the back room of bars and basements of store buildings. I have a real hard time picking winners if you know what I mean. Bad luck must be something of a disease caught at birth. Sometimes people have it and sometimes people do. My father had all the luck in the world and my uncle couldn’t rub two pennies together to heat his home. Buddhists would call bad luck karma, but that’s just all a bunch of shit. Same with fate and all that other crap people tell you about life and luck. Life is all about luck. Some would say I’m bitter, but really I’m just unlucky. Unless you count the fact that I’m still breathing, but then again that is only because I haven’t died yet. Nope the lord hasn’t pulled my straw just yet even if he has unstrung my bundle. Nope, nope still breathing and still struggling through life’s shit storm, and life is a real shit storm.

I know I am to blame don’t be so cynical and think that I didn’t know that. Searching for the easy money. The American dream or whatever bull shit we are peddling around the world. It’s all the same everywhere. Struggle is struggle in any language. Only thing any of us have in common I guess. What do I know about the world? Barely made it out of bed this morning let alone out of the country. Could this place really be worth losing everything over? I’d trade it in for a carton of cigarettes and a government check. Like most of us I’m too proud to realize how good I might have it. Here I go rambling again instead of begging for money. It’s a long and lonely road out here. You know what I mean?”

She pulls her head buds out of her ears, “Did you want a dollar or something?”

No, I Am Life

“You know she is going to leave you.”

“I know this.”

“Yet you stay?”

“Things are going to work out the way they work out whether you want them to or not. Fate is fate and no matter what information one may have it can’t be changed.”

“You know how tragic that sounds?”

“I am more aware than you could possibly imagine. Having already seen it, having already felt it there is no worse fate than to keep on living with the knowledge of things to come.”

“You should just get out of this. Change your fate if you truly have the power to do so.”

“Useless time and energy spent on a useless resolution for one cannot change their fate. No matter how hard someone tries. She will leave me and not for some time. Her actions will leave me in a condition far worse than death, but I am expected to rise back up from this.”

“You are stupid.”

“No, I am life and she will be death. Have you not been paying attention?”

“You live in another world beyond ours I take it.”

“You mock me because you don’t understand. You mock me because you are afraid I may have news for you.”

“Do you know something you are not telling me?”

“I’d be lying if I told you no, but I’m afraid it is the only answer I have for you.”