There’s a Crack In My Heart That I Can Not Contain…

 

It’s been 27 years since this song debuted… a lot of shit has happened in that time… a lot of emotions have sparked and died… but does any of it matter?… Is music really that important?… Is a dead man worth remembering?… 

We are all searching for some form of importance… to our kids… to our friends… on the internet… through our books… and words… thoughts thought about and purged onto someone else… it all seems too much to take in at times… too much to process… but is it important?… I would hope so…

This song makes me happy… makes me want to get up and do something with myself… the song brings me so much joy, but at the same time so much pain… so many thoughts of what could have been… the realization that someone is dead… that there is no more music coming… a retrospective on who I am and what I want to be… a burden or a saint… 

Worshiping a drug addict doesn’t seem like the right think to do… but if he told me to jump… would I?… how much influence can someone really have?… as much as we let them… a guiding light… when it comes to the arts… we take certain things and separate them from the facts… it doesn’t matter what he did but what he has done… broken… the idea is broken… and I am broken right along with him… 

Kurt Cobain has influenced me… Nirvana has influenced me… and in the 27 years since then… they still do… along with countless others… his death was to me another crack on my heart… another fractured reminder that all my heroes are dead… and one day I will be too… 

 

“I have never failed to feel.”
Kurt Cobain

 

 

Threadless… Merch… Amazon… Books… Etsy… Art… Twitter… Broken Thoughts

I Am The End Of All Your Dreams…

Today will be a little different from normal… or a lot of the same… depends on how you view my odd writing style… today I answer questions from you… well three of you… I appreciate the three of you very much… the rest of you… the rest of you must have just been too busy… whatever… I get… I have a life too… I think… So lets open up that mail bag and see what we’ve got… (All responses are my own… and do not reflect the thoughts and opinions of those of us that work at Is That A Funeral?… Any allusion to anyone person living or dead… is probably on purpose…)

First question. “Why do you suck?” brought to us by Jesus. 

Well, thank you Jesus… all I have to say to your oh so serious question… Big talk from someone who couldn’t even write their own story… drops the mic… 

Next up we have two questions from Ms. Lemons herself. Fuck The Lemonade if you are nasty.  “How are you?” and “What would you like to drink?”

At the moment I am great… I may or may not have had too much to drink already… I mean I am answering a question from Jesus… but I’m also not running in the streets naked… screaming come and get me while swing a bat at the cops… I just gave away my plans for this evening… damn…  as for what I like to drink… it varies… depending on my mood… and if I have any money… but… Whiskey and ginger ale… is a hit around this homestead… I mean… drinking is bad… how dare you ask me such questions… young lady… wildly inappropriate… or right on target?… so very unsure… next… : )

Question 3 comes from the amazing Lisa @LismorePaper, “Maybe you have said before, but the penguin, is there a story?”

With me there is always a story… haha… sadly this one isn’t very exciting… there is a great debate here at Chewing On Glass… whether I created the image myself or if I found it… I proclaim that I drew it myself… my wife on the other hand believes that I found it… to be honest that makes way more sense… because I can’t draw for shit… I have tried to reverse google search the image… and I can’t find it…  so that leads me to believe that I did it myself… that’s the pretext to this story… 

The penguin… at this point has to be my spirit animal… fun fact I re-watched Fight Club recently and the narrator’s spirit animal also happens to be a penguin… which I must admit made me smile… I don’t know if I have ever mentioned I am a huge fan of Chuck Palahniuk… getting off point… I have always been drawn to Antarctica… or penguins for that matter… maybe it is the subtext of isolation… yet with a family… the idea of an island… the idea that the only way to truly see me is to visit?… so much to unpack there… 

To answer your question though… the penguin became “my symbol” because when I signed up for this website… it was the only image I had on my writing computer… I had every intention to go back and changes it… but I’m pretty lazy… haha… so it became my calling card… the cute amongst the blood… along with the pain… a contradiction of sorts… proving I’m not completely lost… just a little broken…  also Mel really liked it… and as she was an early friend… I let it stay… I was going to change it to the bloody words… or something else that I have worked on… but for all reasons above… why?… 

Digging deep within the bag of questions. We have the one and only… Fox… Over on Low On Juice. “What’s the worst mistake you’ve ever done?”

You are amazing kid… but wow… real dark right out the gate… haha…

My worst mistake… I’ve been thinking about this for the last few days… I mean it could be a couple of things… it could have been have the time I killed that homeless man while his dog watched… should have killed the dog too… I just couldn’t bring myself to hurt something so innocent… : )… that’s a reference to American Psycho… by another one of my favorite authors… Bret Easton Ellis… it could have been dropping out of college… hell it could have been getting married… having a kid… moving to Texas… not killing myself at sixteen because I was bored… the things about mistakes kid… is that they happen… and it doesn’t matter… it is how you handle them that matters… 

Yeah, I dropped out of college… oh well… I went to figure out what I wanted to do… I wanted to do this… could it have been easier with a degree?… doubtful but who knows… was it settling down?… I have a connection with my wife that I don’t have with anyone else in the world… having a kid?… I have a chance of creating the coolest fucking kid in the world… or another asshole.. jury is out… haha… moving to Texas… that one was tough… I gave up a lot for that… looking back though… after I got through all the shit… I have gained a lot… not killing myself… I wouldn’t have met you… hands down… worth living…

Maybe I do nothing… maybe I become the next Stephen King… doesn’t matter… it is about moments… it is about pulling through… mistakes happen… we all fuck up… but riding out the storm…  how you handle it all… that’s what it takes to be a man… to be a woman… to be a person on this earth… shit happens… mistakes happen… life happens… I am far from perfect… but what separates me from what I see… is that I get back up and I try again… I fucking try… at what ever I do… it may seem easy… none of this is easy… 

You can have goals… and you should… but know that the real goal should always be… be the best person you can be… yeah someone else will be more lucky… someone else will have more… some one else will whatever the fuck… end of the day are you the best person you can be?… did you do everything that you are capable of doing?… that’s what people truly judge you on… not your mistakes… you’ve got a good head on those shoulders… keep at it… and you will be fine… don’t linger on the things that don’t matter… if you fuck up make it right… know that you are human… know that we all make mistakes… 

 

Songs for you to hear… because that’s who I am… Vacant Skies by Sparta… The Grudge by Tool.. and The Patient by Tool… I hope you enjoy… 

cropped-website-logo.jpg

Thank you to all that submitted a question… you are awesome… and I thank you from the bottom of my heart… it may seem black and hollow at times… but that is only the way it seems… because of you… it is full of love… and I thank you…

Threadless… shirts… Amazon… books… Etsy… art… Twitter… broken thoughts… 

 

It Just Keeps Coming At Me…

Signals in the Sky

The blood is so faint
It disappears with the rest of the stains
The cracks of the floor
Each grain nothing more than a track
I can feel it’s warmth
Even as I stare
Watch it as it goes
Drips through the floor
Drips down to disappear
The blood is so dark
As though it is made of something else
Comes together to form a paste
Before drying into stains
A second skin made from inside
The time it takes
Is time I do not have
The time it doesn’t wait
Fine I guess, I suppose
If you’re not me

 

A Long Ways from Home

Driving, driven to think about all of this shit
A mountain, a hole filled with everything to lose
If I could leave would I
If any of this really mattered would I walk or stay
Ideally my ideals don’t mean much to me
Deep rooted sense of entitlement
Think I’m so much better than I really am
The writer and the gun, running out of ammunition
Thoughts seem to go on and on without making any sense
Trading one problem for another, life is troublesome
Taking everything for granted with no enjoyment of the moment
Too many words describe my failures in this life
One life wasted on shit that keeps coming
Words of wisdom wasted on a dying mass
Good plague, the right change in the wind could really go a long ways

 

cropped-website-logo.jpg

I don’t have a whole hell of a lot to say today… shocking I know… so I’m just going to unload a bunch of random songs on you… no reason… As always… things can be found at ThreadlessAmazon… and now Etsy… Maybe I should organize my comics today… that sounds mildly exciting… anyway… here are some songs to fill up your head space… hope you enjoy… 

 

 

 

 

 

Lemonade and Glass Take 5…

Part 1Part 2Part 3Part 4

And we are back with more exciting picks for our playlist… with the power of Lemonade and Glass combined… we present… some more songs… with some more thoughts… 

New Songs to the playlist

Glass

  1. The Package by A Perfect Circle
  2. Beat the Devils Tattoo by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
  3. Unglued by Stone Temple Pilots
  4. Little Room by The White Stripes
  5. 3rd Planet by Modest Mouse

Lemon

1.      Honest Eyes by Black Tide

2.      State of Mind by Merril Bainbridge

3.      Radioactive by Imagine Dragons

4.      The Phoenix by Fall Out Boy

5.      Everything is Awesome by Tegan and Sara

 

Little Room by The White Stripes (Glass)

I think this track is relatable to anyone who has ever created a large project either musically, artistically, or as a writer… or maybe even as a student… fucking thesis…  I find that I have this problem all the time… I’m constantly rearranging my office… changing out the old whiteboard… staring at a wall… any excuses to blame my lack of creativity on… because it can’t be me and I could never burn out… I mean I am perfect and always full of ideas… or is that shit?…

Honest Eyes by Black Tide (Lemons)

To be entirely honest, I found this song from a video game. I’m not ashamed. Street Fighter X Tekken. I love violent button bashers. I love violent games full stop. And the intro to this game is this song with a bunch of really awesome fight sequences, complete with slow-punching and superhero movie style cinematography. I think I will actually link the trailer so you can both hear the song and see how nerdy I am… 

I love this song. It is perfect for air drums. And makes driving epic. Car screaming the shit out of the entire thing. “Hate…I’m filled with hate, and guilt, and regret…How did I get so lost…Fight…I’ll end this fight; pull myself out…Save myself at all costs…Give me my…My life back”

Beat the Devil’s Tattoo by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club (Glass)

That’s one hell of a name… another life soundtrack song for me… “Sleeping on a razor there is nowhere else to fall”… the chanting is one of my favorite parts of this song… “Everyone is king when there is no one left to pawn”… this would make an amazing tattoo… look for no more truth than this idea… “I’ll thread the needle if you give me the Devil tattoo, I’ll thread the needle if you give me the Devil tattoo”… I think everyone gets to this point… a broken state that is beyond giving in… for me it is work… for other’s, it may be something else… I think this idea that the “Devil” can only be human is basically a false narrative… the “Devil” can be anything…. drugs, sex, violence, anger, or pain… we fight so many things and only have one thing to blame… it is important to not give in to these things…

State of Mind by Merril Bainbridge (Lemons)

When I was (fuck…) 12 I loved this entire album. I would listen to it in its entire length. I still love it. I listen to it now and think “what the actual fuck did a twelve year old get out of this?” This little nerd girl reading books, riding horses and listening to Merril Bainbridge talking about sex, relationships and… how ever you want to interpret this song. “I feel it…Tearing at my soul while I’m asleep…I feel it…Driving me to something I’ll regret” Sounds a little stabby… Maybe that’s why I like it.

 

That’s it for this week… be back in two weeks with three more songs each and a youtube playlist for those of you without Spotify… or an endless cascade of albums locked away in your home… 

Ambrose

Bahahahaha I do not miss CDs or tapes… Alright, maybe tapes a little bit. Yep, sorry we will not be on next week. It is my bad, well, not bad. Just my life lemons encroaching on things again.

Lemons

Getting to Know You Better…

Welcome to week three of The Ungame… This week’s question is throwing back to fun… as opposed to last week’s more serious question… 

 

This week’s question… What Talent Do You Wish You Had?

 

I’m pretty sure Ward and Lemons could guess this answer because we all joke about it all the time…I wish I had any talent for music… I’d play a fucking oboe if I could… I’ve loved music… ever since I was young… long tirade about my love for music can be found here every Sunday… (Lemonade and Glass)… the point is before I started writing… well that’s a lie… I actually started writing first… but I was writing mostly lyrics to songs in my head… by that I mean through my headphones because that is the problem… I don’t hear music in my head… I can play one good beat on the drums.. but honestly, I think we all have a beat that runs through us… it is just that some of us have more than one… that’s me… one beat pony… that wants to be the unicorn with a taped on horn… 

I started by trying to learn the bass… because no parent wants drums in their house… even me… haha… eventually at fifteen I convinced my mother to let me get a drum set… I played… and played… that same god damn beat until even I couldn’t take it…  I would try other beats… but somehow, I just kept playing the same god damn beat over and over again… I’m really good at that beat… around this time I was really into Nine Inch Nails… I like that they used a lot of samples… this appealed to me because I could never find anyone that wanted to make the music I wanted too… even this I couldn’t pull off…

In a lot of ways… I folded a lot of my musical aspirations into writing… Drinking Bleach… is from this whole concept album I had about a band… The Last Great Band… is based on the band I wanted to create… this offensive, genre mashing,  goth, punk, death metal band, and whatever… all of that fell through… turns out you can’t have a band without music… I was always more about the image… the idea… creating the characters in the band… see where I am going with this… took me a long ass time to see that it wasn’t the music I had a talent at… it was everything else… so that’s where I am now… wishing I was a drummer in the last great band… and digging out words buried in my head… 

 

cropped-website-logo.jpg

Can’t wait to hear about your repressed talent… don’t forget to drop a comment… I know it is much easier to just talk to the screen like I do… see you on Friday… for more words I’ve found lying around… 

Threadless

Amazon

 

Lemonade and Glass Keeping This Alive… part 4

 

Part 1Part 2Part 3

 

Heart-shaped Box by Nirvana (Lemons)

I know, I know. How unoriginal of me. But I fucking love the shit out of this song and it is our list. Lol

I used to sing this song a lot while I was knocked up. I used to sway and sing it as if it were a lullaby. Especially given the lyrics and their possible meaning. Talks of Courtney Love’s “Tar pit trap” and “Meat eating orchid” … yeah… Damn women, using their lady bits to ensnare men since… forever. I joke, but it is partially true. But I just love this haunting melody and you simply can’t beat Kurt’s voice.

 

All You Ever Wanted by The Black Keys (Glass)

This duo… is insane… this track… this track is one that is a soundtrack for my life… another great track to walk into work too… or for the drive home… “All you ever wanted was for someone to treat you nice and kind”… “Take a step before running, Take a breath now before you die”… “When you work the streets darling, Make sure your sneaker laces get tied”… “I’ll be your black bird darling, Hanging on your telephone wire”… At one point I was going to write a TV show… years ago… this was to be the theme song to the show… the music fit the images in my head so well… oh well… shit happens… ideas change… fuck you cartoon network… 

 

Wicked Sensitive Crew by Dropkick Murphys (Lemons)

I love me some Celtic Punk and who are the kings of that? This song is just good. And the fact that they say “In Sydney they misunderstood us” … Well, that just sums up my hometown… I don’t have any strange memories associated with this song, I just like it.

“Yeah, we’re touchy, feely, sensitive guys. I ain’t ashamed I cried when Mickey died in Rocky II.” The band actually came out and said that they know the lyric is not correct, but “Rocky II” simply sounded better.

(Me again… stealing the thunder from down under… amazing band to see live… on a side note if you ever get a chance to see Flogging Molly live… take it… even if you aren’t a fan… they are one of those bands where the records don’t do them justice… Like the Murphy’s…)

 

Cookie Thumper by Die Antwoord (Glass)

(I did edit out the first two minutes of this video… I know not cool… but you can always start it over if you want…)

I’m not a fan of this intro… because I want to get to the song… but it sets up the rest of the song and no one said you had to love everything one of your favorite bands does… Do I like this band because they are awesome?.. Do I like this group because of the lyrics?… Because of their style?… Their personality of not giving a fuck?… Because Yolandi is the sexiest woman I have ever seen?… Who the fuck knows…. But I can’t get enough… Zef for Life… “I smell lovely because I don’t eat meat”…

 

Already Gone by Powderfinger (Lemons)

I need to add an Aussie band in every now and then. I have zero idea if anyone outside of Australia knows who these guys are… Surely you do? Right?

Well, if you have never heard this song, please listen then come back and tell me if you do not relate to this fucking song.

“You’ve been working all your life. All weekends and overtime.” Who hasn’t been there?

“All these things are on your mind. And you can’t relax in a scheduled life” yep… I feel that…

“So keep your love forever young” … true story.

All work and no play. Love and relationships not being what they once were, or never were but should have been. Yep. All of those things. Sing it guys.

 

Wave of the Mutilation by The Pixies

It’s the fucking Pixies… that and that alone is enough… also, check out the UK Surf version… because somehow they took a great track and made it better… The Pixies…

 

That went quicker than I expected… Next week we add five more songs each to the playlist…and tell more stories about how they inspire us… See you then…

Ambrose (Glass)

Lemonade and Glass Goes On… Are You Listening?…

 

Day 1 and Day 2… or the last few months… 

Hello peeps! Yep, we are trying to post these a little more frequently. Wish us luck and enjoy our songs for this week.

Lemons

It is that time once again to add tracks to this monster list we are creating…

My new tracks… (Glass)

  1. All You Ever Wanted- The Black Keys
  2. All Night- Icona Pop
  3. Silenced- Mudvayne
  4. Wave of Mutilation- Pixies
  5. Cookie Thumper- Die Antwoord

Lemon’s new tracks (Lemons)

  1. Living Dead Girl – Rob Zombie
  2. Violent Pornography – System Of A Down
  3. Heart-Shaped Box – Nirvana
  4. Wicked Sensitive Crew – Dropkick Murphy’s
  5. Already Gone – Powderfinger

 

All Night by Icona Pop (Glass)

I noticed on my last set of songs I chose a lot of similar sounding or genre songs so, this month I decided to add more diversity… because really that is how I listen to music… all over the place…

What an Icona Pop song choice from the asshole with blood on everything?… yeah… I’m actually a big fan… I don’t know why… because I’m broken?… no idea… but this track I do know why I like it… It reminds me of my good friend Mel… or Melon… “We always dreamed about this better life”… and one day it will happen or it won’t but at least we have each other… 

 

Living Dead Girl by Rob Zombie (Lemons)

I have this very vivid section of my life. I remember I spent most of my time either wandering around the bush out the back or in my room reading and listening to music. 1998… I lived for the Bride Of Chucky soundtrack. This was my intro to Rob Zombie and many other artists. I would have actually picked another track from this album but it wasn’t on Spotify.  I could so easily just go back to this part of my life and relive it over and over again. Not because anything really amazing happened, but because it was just … nice. Little Lemons loved her creepy fantasy books and horror movies… oh, how times have changed….

This song also makes me car dance like a mofo. “Who is this irresistible creature who has an insatiable lust for the dead?”

(Don’t mean to steal your thunder… But I also love this video… this one and Dragula… any of his videos though…Glass) 

 

Silenced by Mudvayne (Glass)

This track is one of the few off their second album that I enjoyed and by the time their third album came out I was no longer a fan of them… they got insanely popular with the track Happy and I found myself pretending I never even heard of them… Their first album L.D. 50 is still one of the best albums I have ever heard…(Tracks to check out… ProdNothing to Gein… and Under My Skin…) I still listen to this album daily… the bass and drums on this track are amazing… and the lyrics are relatable… I love the use of silence in this track as well… “Listen here”… “I feel God damn nothing”… “Fuck you and everything you are”…

 

Violent Pornography by System of a Down (Lemons)

Shit, I love this song. Vulgarity steeped in that “Fuck the man” thing that System loves so much, it is just so damn good. Every time I listen to System of a Down, I find myself trying to test myself, trying to twist my lips and tongue around the words in the quick, rubbery way they do.

I listened to this album every day, in the car, to and from work for… too long. And I am still not sick of it. And this is one of those songs where part of me wants to turn it down because of the level of offensiveness, but the majority of me, the winning majority, just thinks… nah… and keeps singing.

 

That’s it for me this week… I guess you could say that I am silenced…

 

I, however, am not silenced. Which is no surprise to anyone. I think every time we post one of these it will be its own thing. I am not exactly the most consistent person. But, they will all have good music.

Lemons

 

 

Check back next Sunday when we finish out this list… in the meantime… enjoy the music… 

Ambrose (Glass)