Shorter Is Always Better…

Only Way This Ends

Weak against the strong
The current will carry us all
How your treat one
Will determine how we fall
Weak against the strong
The current situation affects us all
The weak verses the strong
The weak against the strong
Who will kill us all

 

Five More Minutes

Running out of things to say
Might be time to take a break
And run away
A way from the guilt
All the pain
Times are tough even
With a mind full of shit to say
Wish it all could go away
Treated, medicated the time has passed
Forgetting, forgiveness it all couldn’t last
Can’t let go of the past
Dreading the future of all things left
Predicting predictions full of shit
Time last forever in my head

 

Chewing On Glass Logo

Chewing On Glass

Going retro with the logo today… Which despite being done by the amazing artist… Jock… doesn’t really fit the whole aesthetic of what I’m trying to do here… then again what the fuck am I doing here?… haha… also I don’t own the rights to the art… though I did at more blood… pixel by pixel… okay I added five red squares of blood and then said fuck it… I think I am still legally protected by fair use laws… (I’m not sure… but if I had to guess… I am not protected at all…)

So why am I talking about old logos?… well lately I have been thinking of revamping the website… adding more pages… more logos… some other shit… which got me thinking about making short films and GIFs… because that’s how my brain works… and because I don’t have enough shit to avoid at the moment… really I just want more blood… lots of blood… like the scene in the Shining… 

blood wall

My favorite part about this movie… and this scene… is when the blood splashes against the white wall… I looked for a longer GIF… but this was the best one… the chaos of it all… sends shivers done my spine… shivers of excitement… hopefully I am retreading on facts you already know… but Kubrick was somehow able to convince the ratings board at the time… that all that red was rusty water… that to me alone is insane… great film if you haven’t seen it… you should… “I’m not going to hurt cha”….

Anyway… more blood… that is where this was going… more blood… darker images… and a thousand more broken promises… things to look forward to… on Chewing On Glass… 

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Because Everything Can’t Be So Serious… Or Can It?…

Might be leaving here with very little battery life
But I don’t care
All in my head if you ask me
Not truly dead until five percent
And even then
Bringing all the hurt one could ever need
A sinkhole made of shit, more like quicksand
But who’s asking me
No one ever did so maybe that’s why I’m so bitter
Never got invited to the dance
And I never asked
Locked away inside my head
The despair is getting to me
Self-preservation unconsciously
But there’s nothing wrong with that
After awhile
After some time
All batteries drain away and the signals all gone

 

Mother’s Love Chocolate Covered Shit” was a title I came up with, but never used… It was going to be this long monologue… long stream of conscious thought… about all the chocolate covered shit at work for Mother’s Day… Yet no woman in my life has ever asked me or shown interest in such things… is this a case of society pushing crap on women or a deep secret desire to cover the world in chocolate?… but why only on Mother’s Day ladies?… Why not every day?… change starts with you… if you want something you have to take it… and pour chocolate on it… 

 

Proudly serving those that serve
Hidden slavery no one understands
Taken a fool by the Masters
Best intentions at heart
Proudly owned by those who own me
Wish I could separate myself from who I’ve become
Jaded and lost, time has a funny way of screwing us all
Where have the days gone if they haven’t gone anywhere
Standing in a stand still
Death will be here soon and then what do we do
Rehearsing  my place in all of this
One long line waiting to get in
Praying all of this will seem worth it

 

“I don’t see the bosses yellow Mustang or the midlife crises cruiser as I’ve been known to call it, so he is not here. Which is either a good thing or a very bad for me.” Not everything has to make sense at the time or years later… for some reason I never finished this thought… and even now I don’t know where I was going with this… This next part is in the same boat… a prewrite where… well you can read it and tell me… 

 

This prewrite didn’t reveal shit
Fuck technique when it doesn’t matter
Too much anger to flow
Too much anger to make any sense
Fuck you, like I care
I don’t, oh well, what are we going to do about it?
Suffering maybe the best way
But where does that leave the rest of us
Put your balls on the table
Watch them get chopped off and added to the pile
Wonder what the fuck is happening
Does it matter anymore
Fuck you said in only so many ways
Bit the curb and succumb to the toothless grin
Turns out teeth were more important than once thought
Rotting out from the inside
Your breath smells like shit and I can’t take it anymore
Shattered perception of what it takes to be a man
Called out to define the definition of a vagina
The words are so convoluted it’s like they don’t makes sense at all
Given up on the solution and the conflicted
Hollowed out and welcomed home

 

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This was all in fun… leftover pieces that didn’t fit anywhere else… some of it was stupid… who writes a poem about battery life?… haha… made sense at the time… lack of sleep will make anything makes sense though… the last entry… I have no idea where I was going other than to say random things… was my favorite… a lot of really cool… weird… dark lines… hopefully you enjoyed this trip inside my mind… this adventure into the past… 

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Broken Thoughts… A Passion…

Got to drink for any of this to make any sense
Anything to drain my mind from feeling like this
Breaking apart or so it seems
Becoming the darkness in the shadows of my mind
Not much longer and the devil will be I
Given up so much to not be them
Taken in so much poison to be so far removed
The venom hurt at first, but not anymore
Above all things I have learned
Feeling nothing at all was always the greatest lesson
One more to make this all go away
A broken thought to end them all

 

How long am I willing to wait for everything to be better
How long has it been already
My whole life, nothing’s changed
No matter what I do
My impatience a crutch
My boredom only an excuse
How long am I willing to believe everything will be better
How long has it been already
My whole life, everything changes
No matter what I do
My experiences a crutch
My anticipation only an excuse
To believe this depression will ever leave me

 

A long gasp at the air
Who knew this was it
A long stride into hell
Who knew it could be as cool as this
Broke away only to break in
How we’ve missed it
The signs all pointed North
Been heading South all along
What it is outside the observable universe
More nothing then we can understand
Who knew it was a joke
Wasn’t funny, laughed anyway
Paying attention but no idea what’s been said
Wandering around naked never felt so natural
Wasting time trying to figure it out
No longer running from something
All that matters after so much pain

 

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Been depressed as of late… feeling sorry for myself once again… I hate it… yet I fall right in line… digging myself out takes most of my excuses… sorry energy… I have no reason to feel depressed… but there I sit… staring at the screen… wanting to be here nor there… sitting… doing nothing… pissing myself off at my own laziness… I work like there is a gun held to the back of my head…. but at home?… I stare into a screen… a wall… a mirror… acting as though I have all the time in the world… as though everything will work itself out… I’m all mixed up… setting off the triggers… that leave me lying there… do this to myself… and blame everyone else… talking to myself inside my head once again…

At work I was working on this whole other thing in my head… still am I guess… chewing on the glass… so to speak… the blood drips from my lip… I think I know where it is I must begin… 

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Lips Turning Blue… Again…

Oroblram

I’m lost and going in circles
Never left this spot
Yet here I’m not
I’d give you what I know
But I know so little
I’m afraid it won’t do
Tomorrow though if I’m not dead
Past tense of course
Words are forever
Etched into our skin
Actions only a second
Recorded for all the see
Worth and concern
The two don’t ever change
Which is worth more to you
Here is my advice
Fuck off and see what happens
Working out just fine
Masturbating is the best sex you’ll ever have
Yet you still try to fuck everything that moves
Humanity at its finest
Haven’t you heard
We’ve got another day at the most
Secrets been out for centuries
Turns out none of it mattered
All the stress, the fear, the life, the death
Built upon an altar, built in the mind
I’m lost and going in circles
Spinning deeper and deeper
All of this I’ve done for you
Promise me you understand
Promise you know this too
You’ve always known
Hidden thoughts, hidden words
For my protection kept me hidden away
You’re welcome

 

Ready For This

I have a few minutes before I have to rest
Going down in a hail of gunfire, fire and brimstone
Going down to hell with a sense of retaliation
I could really give a fuck about your retribution
It is as though you did this
Created all this sad stupid shit
An infinite loop known as purgatory
Known as life
Following in the footsteps of Christ
Suffering is easy, its dealing with everything else that is too much
I’m okay with letting you down
I’m only sick of letting myself down
An endless parade known as time
Marching on, marching onto nothing
Writing my memories in blood
Across the walls of this all
It is as though you knew this
Lining up to take the fall
So ready for this

We are all martyrs after all

 

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Somehow ended up choosing two poems with similar endings… I wasn’t trying to do that… I found another one with a similar theme… then I stumbled on this last one… was too blinded by the last line… oh well.. can’t win them all… and yes… if you are wondering… I do have a fuck ton of poetry… but I am not a poet… haha… I am such a liar… 

Bonus line… didn’t fit in the first one… “Truth a spiral propagated by lies”… 

As promised… My soul is available on Threadless… Merch… Amazon… Books… Etsy Art… as always any review is a good review… 

One Year Ago… From The Heart…

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What a year it has been… a lot has gone down… a lot has been said… a lot of things have changed… I grew a lot in this year… from who I am to closer to who I want to be… I could be a selfish ass and take all the credit… believe me I want to be… but no…

No… all this is thanks to you… yeah you… each and every one of you for reading… liking… commenting… and being who you are… you have all helped me grow as a person… as a writer… as a father… and as a friend… you have all been there for me when I was down… lifted me back up when I needed it…been there for me when I didn’t think I could go on… I could name names… but that wouldn’t be fair… it has been everyone… thank you… from the bottom of my heart… Thank you… 

With my heart filled with joy… here is to another year… a year filled with stories and poetry… broken thoughts and shitty advice… because we all know you are here for the pure enjoyment of words and not for me to kiss your ass… : )

Yeah… I know none of this was dark… but you all bring out the best in me… damn you… 

With all the love a black heart can come up with… thank you…

Layne Ambrose 7/29/18

 

(I’m sure you thought I was going to sell you something… But that is tomorrow… this is today… I think I have links… if I don’t… oh well… I’m just glad you are here today… maybe it is time for a face lift?… speaking of… Great album by Alice In Chains… just saying… best tracks… It Ain’t Like That or Sunshine… but those are deep cuts… We Die Young… great opener… I’ll shut up now… if you promise to listen… )

Chasing The Demon Into The Night

Keep living inside my mind
Running out of lives
Doesn’t matter if it never did
How I wish I could only live inside my head
World’s full of liars, light a match and set fire
The bodies like kindling, it was only a matter of time
If I am God tell what reason I have
Sun comes up and then goes back down
In reality I’m just spinning around
Gouging out my eyes to see if I’m blind
Disabled and can’t be repaired
Searching the world for someone who really cares
Like you, God or man, just like you

 

Think About It

Even if it’s not
What would be the point
Of fighting if the outcome
Is the same as before
What is life worth if it is worthless
Confused, I don’t get the point either
Passive aggressive I suppose
My mind feels sick
Infected with thoughts
That need no answers
But I ask the questions anyway
Fuck off
Is that for me or you
I no longer know
Sure in time I’ll find out
Even if I was to give you an answer
It’ll never be the one that you want
Lost in thought, lost in translation
I’m flying first class
But I’m broke
But I’m broken
The money never changed how anyone
Felt inside their mind
The money only changed everything else
Would I still want it if it was free
It’s a trap, a scheme
To pull one over on me
Thank you for the advice

 

Desperately seeking vengeance against crimes I’m unaware of
Already spent the money of an imaginary existence
Overcoming the circumstances that I was given
Will be the hardest thing I can think of
Born in a time when everything was all wrong
The world’s been dying, something I inherited not had a hand in
Save it now or all this lost, forget the past and all that belongs
How soon is now is too soon to tell

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Been thinking a lot about order and chaos… how they fit together… the symbiotic relationship between the two… where I fit into that… who I am in relations to such a thing… the spinning circle that is life… been weighing on my mind as of late… I feel like there is a story there… a thought I am missing… and so I obsess… over such things… thought I would share where I am right now… 

 

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Broken Thoughts… If Only…

Want to throw fuel into the flame
A broken down history of all the shit learned
Communication breakdown full of static
Laying in pieces scattered to the floor
So much easier to be thrown away
Starting over to protect
Beginning new layer by layer
The wall towers up higher and higher
Layer by layer the wall gets stronger
Bricks of emotions, feelings of disgusts
Won’t fade, can’t be pushed away
Locked inside here with me
My own depression
My own impression
Always meant to protected me from the fear
The wall is a weapon
I inflicted on myself

I can’t stand this American consumerism
But I don’t know anything different
Trapped in a wake of shit
Feel all the things I want strangling me
What I need surrounding the hole in my chest
Creeping in, digging deeper
We think we are so right with all our things

 

If Only I Thought In Words

Finding no more pleasure
Only pain
Every day is exactly the same
Doesn’t matter in the end
We all die
Pushing ahead against the stream
So sick of feeling starting to know why
Lost the ability to think
Lost my mind
No more room in there so to speak
The current is taking me
Only need a reason
Coming up blank
The thoughts haunt me even when I’m not awake
Drowning in the wake
Swallow my tongue, close my eyes, embrace the pain
Move on
Who doesn’t feel like this?
Shut your mouth and
Move on
Shut your eyes and
Keep going
So sick of faking this smile
So sick of knowing what it means
So tired of all of this
But most of all I’m so tired
Of me

 

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With scars so deep it’s amazing I can even sleep… 

The dark moments they pass
Behind closed doors
Behind closed eyes
Standing in plain sight
This too will pass

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