Chewing On Glass Presents… Let the Good Times Roll… (Vulgar)

Let the Good Times Roll

“Holy shit look at these faggots all sitting around doing nothing,” a once familiar voice shouts from across the bar. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” I say under my breath. My friends Sam and Brian can’t believe it either. We smile and give him a proper hello once he finally makes his way over to us. One that doesn’t involve hate speech or unrequested insults. He stands there in front of us. Staring us down. Taking us in, I guess? “Thought you weren’t ever coming back here?” I ask after having enough of the silence. It is obvious that I am going to have to lead this train wreck from here on in. Of course the one voted most likely to lead nothing has to take charge. “Didn’t think I would ever come back to this shit show or see you sad fucks, but here I am,” he smiles like any one of us really care. Does he not really feel the awkwardness of it all right now? I look at my other two friends. Been friends for as long as I can remember. Too long for them to not see that I’m signaling them to say anything. Instead they each take another sip from their beers. “Why?” I blurt out. “If you don’t mind me asking,” I interject quickly.  He doesn’t miss a beat. “Came to see what you guys were up to. Came to see what’s been happening since I left,” he looks around The Room in disgust. In all fairness we all look at The Room like that. I mean the damn bar is called The Room. But it is The Room how dare he look in disgust at our bar. “You really came all the way out here to see us?” Brain finally questions. About fucking time, Jesus. “Well I mean I wasn’t setting out to come back here. I was driving through on my way to Pittsburgh and I thought what the hell one night in this shit hole won’t kill me,” he jokes. There is no main road from here to Pittsburgh I want to question, but it’s not like not questioning his lie is going to kill me. I take a drink from my beer. “Shit man, wasn’t even thinking. Do you want a drink?” I ask him. “Yeah, I’d love one,” he stares at me. Why the fuck did I open my mouth? Brian still seems very confused by the whole Pittsburgh exchange, which is fair considering he has been drinking since noon. I order him a beer. The same as the rest of us. “How did you find us?” Sam asks. Even with my back turned to them, to him I can already see his dumb fucking face spilling out all the words. Five minutes and it is already high school all over again. No one missed this asshole for even a second. “This crap shoot of a town only has one bar. Wasn’t too hard to locate the three biggest losers around,” he answers. Sam and Brian give a half assed laugh. The bartender hands me his beer and gives me a look that says I’ve heard every word he has said about my place and I don’t like it. I try to give him a look that reciprocates his displeasure. I turn and hand him the drink. “Took long enough,” the arrogant fuck says. One night, a few hours tops, and then we should never have to see him again.

He takes a drink from his beer. The first of many. “So what have you fucks been up too?” You all marry the town sluts and pop out a few worthless people yet?” He half jokes and half means. “You haven’t changed much over the years,” I say before finishing my beer. “What has it been? Something like eight years?” I ask before ordering another one. “I think so. Something like that,” Brain says. “None of us are married or have children,” Sam adds. Stressing children. “We’ve all been just working or going to school. Robert just got back from Harvard yesterday. It’s crazy really that you just showed up today because we are actually here to celebrate his return,” Sam continues. I nod my head. “No fucking shit? You went to Harvard? And to think I thought your dumb country ass was still digging holes for the dead,” he says. Thanks, it was a lot of work,” I say. “What did you go for?” He questions as though I am lying. “Pathology, but majored mostly in the forensic side of it. Got a job here in town. Coroner’s assistant. Nothing too exciting,” I say. “Nothing too exciting?” Brain shouts drunkenly. “Now we can hide the bodies,” he whispers jokingly.  I give off a smile, “Totally.”  This sets off another awkward silence amongst us. It was already a little weird and then he showed up. Again I have to take the lead. “What have you been up to Nick? You were always the one who was going to get out of this town and do something with yourself.” I ask with little actual intention of listening. Scanning the bar it seems rather empty for a Friday night. He doesn’t answer right away. We all haven’t been up to much, but his inability to brag about himself right now seems odd. “You know this and that. Nothing like Harvard or anything like that. But who wants to talk about the past? We are living now,” he finally says before taking another drink. “Well why were you heading to Pittsburgh?” Brain asks barely able to lift his head up off the bar. He should be almost done by this point. It is interesting how much like our parents we try to not be. Seems almost as if we are trying to outrun a shadow only to embrace it. “Remember that time you fell out of that tree and broke your arm?” Nick deflects at me.

“Yeah, I do. I didn’t fall though. You pushed me for being scared,” I say rubbing the scars along my right arm. “Had to learn to write left handed for months,” I say in aggravation. “That’s not how I remember it. I thought you were writing left handed because you wanted to try something new,” he tries to play off. “Yeah, because I wanted to be made fun of for writing like a “retard” or so our classmates used to tease me,” I reflect. “I remember that,” Sam adds. “They picked on you pretty bad for that. Didn’t you break it again after that fight with? What was his name? Steven or Scott or something,” Brain chimes in out of nowhere. “Mike, fat mike they used to call him,” I say. “He beat the fuck out of you. What happened to that obese mother fucker?” Nick asks. “He killed himself not long after you left. Shot gun blast to the face. He didn’t die right away, but in the end he passed. My dad said it was gruesome. Said even though he was dying he kept trying to say something. Some people believe it wasn’t a suicide,” Sam says in solace. “You look empty Nick,” I say as I pass him another beer. He catches it as it slides across the bar top. I raise my drink and pretend to take another drink. “It is sad really all the stuff the people here have gone through. The hard times and the good. Life here is always filled with so much tragedy,” I say. We all take another drink in silence. “Remember Becky?” I ask the group. “Oh I remember Becky,” Brain says a little too loudly. “Wasn’t she that big chested whore that was a grade or two above us?” Nick asks. “I remember Becky,” Sam says staring at his bottle, “That’s when the murders started.”

“Murders?” Nick asks in genuine shocked. “Probably a year after you left. People around town started to disappear. It was one of the reasons I got the fuck out of here,” I say. “I don’t ever remember hearing anything about any murders,” Nick says in confusion. “I suppose you won’t. There aren’t many people here in town willing to talk about them,” Sam says. “You really disconnected when you left for the city Nick,” I add. “I guess I really did. So what happened to Becky?” Nick asks. Sam looks over to me and then to Brain. I’m not volunteering to lead this one I think. “It was pretty messed up,” Sam begins. “She was never one to date anyone good for her and she had a reputation of dating more than one man at a time,” Sam continues. “Because she was a whore. Don’t waste time telling me what I already know,” Nick interrupts. “Right,” Sam says rolling his eyes and taking a drink. “Any way one night Becky doesn’t come home. Her parents don’t think much about. She goes out a lot, she is an adult, and what are you going to do? Typical missing person story. After about three days though they began to get very worried. No word and no sightings. Would scare anyone in this town. So they go to the police and they set out looking for her. It took a few days, but eventually they found her. Dead in the woods. Deep in the woods not too far from the state park on some private land. I guess she used to go out there to get busy,” Sam takes a long breath and an even longer drink. “That’s it?” Nick asks. “They just found her in the woods dead?” Nick takes another drink. “Of course that wasn’t it. At the time though they just thought it was a lover’s fight gone wrong. A fucked up one, but an isolated incident. My dad was the medical examiner for that case too. Told me they found her dead from a shot gun wound,” Sam says. “Just like Mike and no one thought that might be connected?” Nick interrupts. “This is the sticks Nick. We don’t get a whole lot of murders and let’s not forget the fact that we all have shotguns. Hell I’m driving my dad’s truck and there are two in there right now,” I say. “Not to mention she didn’t die from a shotgun blast to the head like Mike,” Brain again says out of nowhere. “No, someone had taken the barrel of the shotgun and stuck it right up her. Right up her vagina and pulled the trigger,” Sam says in near silence. “Finally found a load she couldn’t handle,” Nick says off handed. I try not to laugh as I pretend to take another drink.

The night goes on. Drink after drink. Nick gets drunker and so does Sam. We talk for hours creating an alibi. People in this town don’t ask too many questions I think. Sam calls in a ride for him and Brain. I offer Nick a ride home. Where ever that might be. “How are you still sober?” He asks me in a drunken slur. “College taught me more than just what was in the books,” I play off. Loading Nick in my truck took more care than I was willing to give. Nearly crushed his arm when I slammed the door shut. The weather turned cold at some point. The seasons are changing I think as I look at his car sitting there in the parking lot. “Freezing balls here asshole turn on the god damn heater,” He shouts from within the truck. I open the driver’s door and climb in, “It takes a second to warm up.” He tries to talk to me in small talk but most of it comes out in inaudible slurs. “Your parents still live up on Oak Street?” I ask knowing his answer doesn’t matter. His distorted speech starts again and then stops. I look to see if he is sleeping. Wide awake he appears to have something on his mind and is trying really hard to say whatever it might be. We pass street light after street light until there aren’t anymore. The road turns dark. Flashes of trees from the head lights. “Robert can I ask you something?” He finally says clear as day. ‘Of course,” I say curious. “In high school didn’t you try to date Becky?” he poses the question as though he knows it is fact and yet very confused at the same time. “As a matter of fact I did,” I say as a matter of fact. We pass more and more trees until I start to slow down not too far outside of the state park. Pulling into an odd clear space between the trees. A trail I found so many years ago. I wanted nothing more than to get away. Same as every kid I assume, but time has a way of drawing you home. Even wasted Nick begins to question what is happening. “I’d love to say that our story ended there. Becky and I. Well to be completely honest I’m a little more than proud our story didn’t end there. See part of that story you heard tonight was true. A lover’s fight gone horribly wrong, but one would have to say that we were lovers to really claim such a thing. I didn’t love Becky. I resent her for what she did. For what they all did really. Everyone who has ever scorned me,” I pause. “I think here is a good place to drop me off,” Nick fights to get out of his mouth. Pulling the handle of the door over and over to no avail. “Yeah, that is broken. Maybe I should have mentioned that. My father has been busy you know. Getting older and what not. And no good friend just leaves someone lost in the woods so unfortunately for you here is not a good place to stop. But I know a really good place. Trust me,” I smile. We keep driving through the woods slowly as I try to remember the exact path. “Where was I? Yes, Becky the big titted whore. She broke my god damn heart. Almost like how you broke my arm. She pushed me beyond my limits. I will admit that I had every intention of killing her that night. Shotgun blast right to the head just like Mike, but then things got weird,” I say. I turn my head to look into Nick’s scared eyes, “Things always get weird. Nothing goes as it was planned.” I turn my head back to the makeshift road.

“It wasn’t my plan to kill you tonight. That was a serendipitous occurrence. To be completely honest, and I feel that we can be after all these years. I planned to start my return off with Brian. Then you appeared. It almost makes me believe there is a God up there looking out for me. Then again if they were so concerned with me to take the time. I think they wouldn’t have let you and all those assholes walk all over me. It always seems though that things get weird whenever it is time so, I am always torn. Becky is a prime example. I didn’t want to shove a shotgun barrel up her cunt. It was supposed to be so much simpler than that. But being the whore that she was. It didn’t take much for her to slip off those clothes. Took even less effort to take my cock out. Apparently all it took for her was the right location.” I bring the truck to a stop in the middle of the woods. “I can’t move,” Nick says to me. “The sedative I gave you seems to have that effect. But enough about you,” I say reaching behind the seat of the truck to grab the shotgun. “No, Becky liked dick. She liked it a lot. Lost my virginity and then some that night. Which was kind of a problem. That much evidence just sitting up in there. What was I supposed to do? Blow her fucking head off and let her leak all the evidence all over the place? I might not be the brightest person, but I’m not stupid. Do you know what she said as I slid the barrel into her pussy?” His mouth moves, but no words come out. “I learned way too much in college to not explain,” I joke. “As I slid the barrel deep into her pussy Becky couldn’t help but get turned on. She said to me with her eyes closed, “How can you still be so fucking hard? Fuck me again with that rock hard cock.” So I did. Pulled that trigger and watched her die. Her tits all covered in blood and bouncing. The smell of her flesh cooking against the sides of the barrel. Left nothing but a bloody hole in the center of her mass. If I had to say so myself. She never looked better. Fought every urge to pull that barrel out and fuck her one last time. Could you imagine? My dick pumping away at her and coming out the other side. The juxtaposition of such a thing? If I had one regret in life. That would have to be it.”

I get out and pull the release handle on the driver’s side door and hop out of the truck. Nick sits there paralyzed as I walk around to his side of the vehicle. Body pressed against the door. He falls hard onto the hard ground as I open the door. I hear something crack against the ground. “Opps,” I say before laughing. “I’m sure your head is ringing from that fall, but even in all of that you have to remember like I do. What you said to me that day you pushed me out of the tree. Opps. Opps? You were supposed to be my fucking friend you worthless piece of shit,” I scream into the night. The words echo, but there is no one besides us around to hear them. “I remember so much about our childhood Nick. You really shouldn’t have come home. But I’m so glad that you did. Saved me the hassle of finding your good for nothing ass later.” I grab him by the back of the shirt and drag his ass to the front of the truck the head lights lighting our way. Dropping him with another thud on the ground. I begin to strip him naked. “I just want you to know I won’t enjoy this part of it, but we have to make it look like it should. The dumbass police need to know who this kill belongs too. Same as before. They need to know. The people of this town need to know that I have returned. They need to know that things have started once again,” I say into his ear. He still can’t talk which disappoints me, but his tears are more than enough to make up for it. His tears shine in the light from the headlights. Slow streams of moving water. Life is like that. A slow constant stream of moving water. Sometimes there are rough waters, sometimes the stream moves quicker than you’d like, and sometimes it almost appears as though the stream has stopped forever. But we all know the stream must keep going as long as it exists. I shove the cold hard barrel of the shotgun up his ass. “However this part I will always enjoy,” I say into his ear. Gripping his bare shoulder as I thrust the barrel deep inside him. “Opps, hope I didn’t tear anything too vital,” I laugh. He tries to scream but the pain is so horrendous he can’t seem to make any noise. I pull the trigger of the shotgun filling the cold dead silence of the night with a shattering boom. A crater blows out the back of Nick like one bad shit gone wrong. Images of Becky dance within my skull. Not nearly as beautiful, but enough to satisfy the demon in me. What’s left of Nick burns and sizzles on the barrel of the gun as I pull it out.

“Took you long enough,” Sam’s voice comes from behind me. “Sorry, if this is one kill that I felt the need to enjoy,” I say to him. He throws me a towel and I wipe the blood from my face. “We are going to have to find a different place for Brain,” he informs me. “No one is going to look for him out here,” I tell him as I kick the body next to me. “No, no one is going to look for some asshole that doesn’t live here anymore that is true, but we can’t just drag another victim into this mess,” He says. “No one’s going to be looking for his asshole anymore because it literally doesn’t exist. Oh wait, I think I see a little left on the barrel,” I joke. “Shut the fuck up and listen,” Sam says sternly to me. “Do you want to fuck this up? All this work? All this time?” He shouts at me. A rage builds up in me, “No.” We stare each other down and I think of all the ways I could end him here and now the shotgun still very much in my hand. “Know your place,” he finally says to me. “We are partners in this not enemies. Let’s not fuck this up after all this time,” he says to me in a calm voice. I can still feel the adrenaline and blood pounding against my skull, but I know that he is right. I need to calm down. It is the murder effect. He is not my enemy they are. Each and every one of them that ever laughed at me, tortured me, or held me down. Those that held us down. Sam is my friend I think to myself. Sam has always been my friend I repeat to myself. I take a deep breath to calm down and exhale loudly to break the tension between us. “So what do we do next then?”

Merch… Threadless… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter

You Will All Have Your Turn…

Addiction

It itches and it burns
It’s cracked and it’s torn
The nails rip flesh from bone
I want more, I want more
I want one more
To live and to die
Living and leaving one vice
At a time
You’re young and it’s new
You’re old and it gets old
The damage is done
But the fun has just begun
To live and to die
Only to sit and wonder why
Do you do this to yourself
Because it itches and it burns
It’s cracked and it’s torn
The nails keep digging
But the addiction just keeps going

Now Available On Amazon

Merch… Threadless… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter

You Will All Have Your Turn…

501 Reasons

The infection it spreads
Like the virus in my head
Love is loss and loss is expected
Life goes on, if only for a minute longer
Don’t know when to give up
I can feel the human condition
It’s spreading
Down my limbs and into my spine
Everyone wants to know
The reason, the why
No answer is given, no answer to find
This information is deadly
This information can kill
For without this reason
No reason to live
Lost control, control has been lost
If you can’t make your millions
We will surely die off
This information is toxic
This information is unclean
Unholy, whatever it may be
No weapon is greater than
The one inside your head
Your mind left wasted as you go on
Survival instincts weighted down over time
501 reasons you must lay down and die
For your sins and not your crimes

Now Available On Amazon

Merch… Threadless… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter

And Other Things From This Time Preview

Faithless

I have no faith in anyone who doesn’t have faith in me
Revolutionary I know, I had a dream once
Then woke up to reality
Subconscious thinking doesn’t mean anything
The world works on some other sort of level
Inherently fucked and grateful for the chance
It would be best if there is no God
How anyone could follow someone who abandoned them
Is beyond me, had a vision now I’m on another level
Invested in broken thoughts everything makes sense
Crossandra’s look great on your porch
Even better on your grave, a location we can’t avoid
Our ignorance rules our lives
So sick of justifying thoughts that should be common sense
The worlds not listening so maybe I should shut the fuck up
Where’s the fun in that
A constant stream of thought that means nothing at all

Emotionally Stressed

I’m so sick of these feelings
This need to please everyone
When I know damn well it’s not good enough
Putting myself out on a daily basis
Backing my ass up and begging for the pain
Gambling on not winning at all
Why can’t everyone see that it’s all useless like me
Maybe they do or maybe they’re just too stupid to let go
Oh, I forgot how immature I can seem
A constant reminder from the ones that have never even spoken to me
Cuts on my fingers make me as dumb as them
Must be in the water we drink and not in the way we think
Bleeding for a chance to say go fuck yourself
There’s nothing here except heartache
And yet here I stay torturing my soul
A shitty romance of blood and bone
I am the source of all my pain
Directly fucking myself day after day
If giving up was so easy then why hasn’t it worked already
I blame my mother for reasons I don’t know…

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I’m sure I have posted these before… running out of things to preview at this point… but they fit into my “work sucks” theme for this week… either directly or indirectly… strap in for Wednesday… long rant on that day… so I will keep this short and to the point… haha… have I ever?… 

Crossandra’s look great on your porch”… an indirect reference to my job… also I literally stole it off the side of one of our signs… does that make me a plagiarist?… have I just admitted guilt?… also a Crossandra is a type of flower… no idea what kind… like I said I stole the line… partly because it was sitting right in front of me while I was writing this poem and the other reason being I didn’t know what it was… inspiration can come from anywhere… 

 “Oh, I forgot how immature I can seem, A constant reminder from the ones that have never even spoken to me”… these two lines are based on something that actually happened… lost out on a promotion because I was too “immature” for such a position… so anyone who has read this blog long enough… probably already knows I didn’t take that well… especially because there was no merit in that comment… but of course I didn’t react in a very mature way… I gave into this person’s comment and became the very thing I proclaimed I wasn’t… fucking hate people… life… and reason at times…

I didn’t do anything extreme… still work for the company after all… I just kind of let go… my thought process was why hold it all together… if it is all for nothing?… so I switched departments and watched the last one burned to ashes… that same person was missing me, after all, was said and done… you want immature… I’ll give you immature… and wish you the best of luck… : )

Still trying to sell my soul across the internet at Threadless… and Amazon… If you are interested… And Other Things From This Time is available on Amazon… for free with Kindle Unlimited… paperback $8… and digital $5… 

Belonging To Nothing Preview

With Me

I can see every last thought you’d ever think
I live in your dreams though you call them nightmares
My thoughts are with you day and night
My blood moves you as though if to fight
Tomorrow a new day dawns
Yet another day for you and I
Teetering on the edge
How much control do you think you really command?
Let me out and I shall show you how to live
Let me go and I’ll erase everything you know
I am you and you are me
We say we are different
A lie we must believe
A lie which controls us through space and time
I can see your every thought
I live with you even if you have moved on
Death is but an idea
Withheld from the weak
There is no tomorrow
When you are with me

One and the Same

I can tell this is going to end badly
Like everything else in my memories
Holistic approach is nothing to be concerned about
Blood dripping off the walls
And all I know is all hope is gone
I feed my addiction
Through your pain
In the end, they are one and the same
So much for hope when wishing
Has gotten me nowhere
I know this is wrong
Though I can’t stop this never-ending fight
Between humanity and the night
I feel it all slip out of sight
And I wish that all of this didn’t
Feel so right
I think of ways
I dream in thoughts
In the end, they are one and the same

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As the title suggests these belong to nothing so I guess they belong to Chewing on Glass now… 

I should be pushing my wares… not really feeling at the moment… I’ll drop the links and you do what you will… ThreadlessAmazon… 

A Lie Preview

And I’m Back Again

The woman plops down every sex toy we have in the store, which isn’t much but she has managed to find every single one we offer. She’s found every single lubricant, every vibrating touch, she even brought up every men’s vibrating razor, and every battery to back them up. There is now a large pile of cherry, pineapple, warming, and her pleasure lubricants I now have to sort through piled up next to my register. I can’t lie and say that this doesn’t happen often because it does, but this has to be the largest assortment I have ever had to ring up. The woman gives me a look that says I don’t give a fuck. “What are you doing after work,” she asks? “Busy,” is all I can muster to her question. She’s not bad looking even for her age, but I have no interest in women right now. I already have too many problems to deal with in my life. “That’s too bad,” she sighs. “We could have had a good time,” she says. I nod my head to show her that I am listening. She isn’t even bothered that I turned her down. I know I am no catch or even that attractive, but it stings slightly in my cold dead heart that she doesn’t even care that I want nothing to do with her. “I’m dying,” she says out of nowhere as if this is something strangers say to each other every day. I start to bag up her purchases. “I have this fucked up cancer. Doctors say a couple of months and I’m dead. So, I decided what the hell I’m going to go on a trip. I’m going to go all around the United States and I’m going to have sex with anyone that has the slightest interest in me.” I have to admit that her desperation is turning me on a little bit, but I just nod my head again as if this is an acceptable response to what she has told me. “Figure I wasted most of my life being the conservative type and in the end, I’ll only die alone. So, who cares about what there is on the other side waiting for me if I already wasted this life so far,” tears start to form in her eyes. Truth be told I have no idea what to say to this lady. Inside I am dying, but inside she is truly dying. She hands me the money as we stand in silence. “You might want to get some condoms,” I finally say. She laughs as I hand her the change and tears fall from her cheeks. She takes the bags of supplies and begins to walk out of the store. I tell her good luck as she leaves.

My night went from bad to worse and most of it was all my fault. Have I rationalized suicide as an easy way out or am I really as fucked up as I think? I am confused about what I want and how things should be. A sheltered life has left me wondering if there’s something more or am I really living all there is to live. My lifelong depression kicks in and despite all my self-medicating I sulk the rest of the night wondering what or where it is that I went wrong. As if life is based on actual roads and at some point I just took a wrong turn, and all I need to do is turn around. I’m back here again, but what if I never left this place, to begin with? What if I never took a wrong turn I only got stuck in the mud? I still have time. I could still get out and make the right choice or even the wrong one but at least I wouldn’t be here. Where I am right now. I hate when I get like this. It’s like my mind gets so murky and sludge like that my thoughts make no sense to me, but yet I can’t shut them off. Even with the drugs, it’s like my thoughts are stuck in my head. I start to regret everything I have ever done or thought or felt and realize that no amount of regret can undo anything in a lifetime. Life is nothing more than an unfair existence and a waste of time. I could kill myself right now but what would be the point? What would I really be saying if I did it now right here stuck in the middle of nothing? All I would be saying is that I am weak, that I am pointless, and I don’t believe that I am any of these things at all. I may not be a good person by definition but I am not a bad person either. I’ve spent too much of my life on the line and just like that lady I fear that one day there will be nothing that actually defines me. Other than words like waste, pointless, and regret. Too many thoughts in my head.

 

Yes… she is a reference to the same woman in Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk… I’m not ashamed that I took something from someone I admire… we all take something from someone… if you haven’t read Fight Club… please do… though Survivor is a much better book… the kind of book I wish I could write but Chuck already did it… asshole… 

We’ve got shirts available over at Threadless… books written by an asshole over on Amazon… but I’m sure you are all linked out by now… haha… 

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And Other Things From This Time Preview

Felt No More

I gave up, then gave in
Still, you’re unhappy with what
We’ve become
I gave you everything
Only to end this with nothing
Yet I’m the asshole
What it means to be a man
I’m the one who should wear
The villainous mask because it fits
I’m sorry I guess
For what I don’t know
Maybe by now, I should
But I held on too long to nothing
To really know at this point
Tomorrow is a new day
And I’m sure you will find a way to ruin it for me
Love is nothing more than emotion
I wish I had never felt before

Because No One Said Don’t

I don’t even know why I bother
The answer is clearly already there
If this were a poker game
I’d had lost three hands ago
Even if you don’t count the anti
I’m down about three lifetimes
Can I get your number must be on par
With selling your soul to the devil
Well I guess I’m here to collect
But you don’t seem so sure I even exist
Quietly though I’ll only seem creepier
Over time
Times up and here I sit wondering
What you are up to
Its late so I guess I’ll never know
There’s a sign that says welcome to reality
But I’ve only chosen to be literate at this point
The ants and the bugs seem to think I’m weird too
So it’s not just you or the crowd
Your boyfriend is way stronger than his five foot frame
Would suggest
The laughing feels better with swallowed teeth
In the end, I was lost so you’re welcome
To tell me that all along I was wrong
How was I supposed to know
Your short skirt meant you weren’t single
Appearances are deceiving unless of course
It’s tattooed on your skin
Tomorrows a new day but I think I am just fine right here

Fucking relationships… now before everyone is like I thought you were married… why are you asking for numbers?… Because No One Said Don’t… is partially about a friend from that time… I feel for anyone who is single or searching for someone… I had this friend… great guy… but he was desperate… and you could smell his desperation from around the corner… he would constantly ask how I found my wife… wanted advice on how to find someone… etc… we all know this person or are this person… no need to cut fresh wounds… but the truth for me… is dumb fucking lucky… I’ve been married for eight years and together for fourteen years… not bragging… but all I’ve been trying to do since day one is not fuck this up… has everything been perfect?… fuck no… A Lie wasn’t written through a lovely time in my life… though that book is fiction… we all know there is truth in fiction… 

There are always ups and downs… relationships aren’t based on movies or perfection… shit at times they aren’t even based on love… I love my wife but there are times I hate that lady… that’s the truth… but I would rather walk down a road of razor blades then be without her in my life… Same for my daughter… there are times that she drives me beyond insane… she has tested my patience more than anyone on planet Earth… but every time she skips a breath I feel as though I am seconds from death… 

If I had advice on relationships stop looking for the perfect partner and try looking for the perfect friend… I get human nature we want to fuck… but stop and think can I stand this person when I can’t?… If I couldn’t would I still care?… my wife is sexy as fuck but I’m not in love with her body… I’m in love with her… Relationships are work… that doesn’t mean you have to force anything to make it happen… there isn’t a checklist… a certain path… and remember compromise isn’t settling… never settle… someone is always going to be them and that is them… you accept them or you don’t… and there is nothing wrong with that… we all have friends that we had as children that are strangers now… we all grow… the key is finding someone you can grow with… that and dumb fucking luck… 

I’m not saying that a shirt from Threadless will help you find true love or a friend… but who is to say that it won’t?… At the very least it might get you noticed… Books are available as well over at Amazon… These will not help you find love but they will help pass the time while you look… Remember being you is all that you can do… 

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And Other Things From This Time Preview

Before They Hurt

Everything feels isolating
On a grander scale
Between one and a hundred
Between heaven and hell
There exists a place no one knows
From bad to worse
Things become uglier
Before they hurt

Everything feels indifferent
On a daily scale
Between Mondays and Sundays
Between this week and last
There’s not much in between
From day to day
Things never change
Before they hurt

Time ticks by becoming
Worse, becoming better
What is time but a scale
For depression, for life
What is done can’t be undone
Life on a scale between
Heaven and Hell
Before they hurt they will finally know

Give It Time

The future is laid to rest
As the present prepares to be condemned
The past has but faded
As the present seem to forget
With each passing moment
We march to our own death
With each passing moment
We learn the meaning of regret
The future is but ashes
As the present burns on
The past is but an ignition
To the presents very condition
With each passing moment
We watch as it all goes to shit
With each passing moment
We know not what to forget

Two poems about time from a book title And Other Things From This Time… Would it seem odd for it to not contain any poems about time… Time is a thing I obsess over… Something I search for more of as I watch it tick by… Something I’m always out of… Yet stuck right in it… At work, I’m known for having great time management skills… At home, not so much… For some reason, I can’t seem to translate those skills once I leave automatic doors of death… I get home and it is as if all time just goes away… a constant issue I struggle with… Time is nothing more than a scale for distance… How far can we get before we run out of it?… Where will we be in life when it is all up?…

I’m not alone in this journey through time… but I’d be a fool if I didn’t believe I was… We are all on a constant until we are not… intersecting between each other… running with each other side by side as we go through all this time called life… no one can run your path for you… though they will try… no one can tell you what you see… though they will try… your path and your time has and always will be yours… use it how you see fit… do what needs to be done… but remember not all of our paths are going to the same place…

As always we have things for sell over at Threadless… No one said you can’t look good on your path… though I’m unsure if these designs will help with that… haha… We also have books for sale over at Amazon… Please leave a review… even bad ones help… even if they only leave a smile on my face… this fire burns just fine all on its own but everyone could use more fuel… burning down the world is never as easy as it seems… 

 

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