Telling It Like It Is… Q&A…

That’s right it is time once again… to watch me drone on about nothing at all… get to know your favorite Broken Thoughts author… in three to four random questions… Shuffle the deck… let the Ungame begin…

Question 1: What Do You Want Be Doing In Ten Years?

Some sort of swash buckling adventurer… I think in a few years I want to turn this all around… become a pirate of the high seas… make Blackbeard look like nothing at all… there is a lake near by my house… Start there and conquer each one that I can get too… like a gang… but we only live on the water… also instead of selling drugs… killing people… or stealing things… we write books… talk about killing people… and distribute great ideas… really turn the whole idea of a pirate on it’s face… not sure I could get used to saying arrr… but I’m pretty good at adapting… I also suffer from motion sickness… but I think after ten years I could get used to that as well… haha… maybe in ten years I will only write stories about pirates… fuck it… why not?…

Question 2: Complete The Statement: “Words Can’t Describe How I Felt When…”

Words can’t describe how I felt when… I pulled this card…

Words can’t describe how I felt when… I took a shit in the middle of the street…

Words can’t describe how I felt when… I decided I no longer wanted to be a human but a cat…

Words can’t describe how I felt when… I took my first spoonful of maggots into my mouth just to see how it would taste… didn’t taste like you though…

Words can’t describe how I felt when… I discovered all the matted hair in my back yard… Am I werewolf… or do dogs just taste good?…

Words can’t describe how I felt when… I thought about all the things that I saw on that day… the bodies stacked high… towering walls of life set against the back drop of the sun… moaning and begging for it to end… the war was over before it even began… how could we take on something so deadly as this?.. How could we be expected to win against an evil as merciless as these monster?.. With no warning… with no signs… they came for us all…

Never give me a prompt…

Question 3: What Do You Like To Daydream About?

haha… of course I’d pull this one… that I could be someone other than myself… a king… a hit man… a lover… a survivor… a detective… a writer… but most of all… happy…

Question 4: If You Received $5,000 As A Gift- How Would You Spend It?

I feel like when this game came out $5,000 was a lot of money… if someone gave me that much money… I’d take a month off from work and write… spend the rest on a new laptop… or desktop… maybe get some of the props for videos that I want to shoot… get a nicer keyboard… research robotic implants that could help me fly… I really want to fly… basically I’d spend it all on this website and this dream…

Layne Ambrose

Keep the dream alive… taking donations in blood*… sweat*… and tears*… we prefer tears**… trying to stay young… vibrant… and beautiful after all… the spell book calls for any of the three… I am told we can also accept reviews… comments… and interest in any of the products linked below… but where is the fun in that?…

Merch… Threadless… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter

*Amazon has no conversion chart for these forms of currencies at this time. Worth of such currencies are subject to change given supply and demand. Please filter all fluids before sending. Also allow two to three weeks for processing. Thank you for your patience. Is That A Funeral? Staff

** Please don’t farm your kids for tears… it seems tempting… but there are laws… I don’t want you to get in any sort of trouble… please collect tears responsibly… Layne Ambrose

Shuffle The Deck… Q & A…

Getting to know me a can be quite the chore… believe it or not I’m a pretty quiet person… so unless provoked… I’m not going to say a whole lot… So lets shuffle the deck and learn more about me in three to four questions… Because no one asked… The Ungame has begun…

Question 1: What Do You Think About When You Can’t Fall Asleep?

This question is rather strange to me… I know that it is asking what do I think about if I actually laid down in a bed to fall asleep and couldn’t?.. but I work overnights so… I tend to pass out rather than go… hey I think I am tired… maybe I should lie down and get some good solid sleep… Which makes my broken brain think the question is… When you can’t fall asleep because you need to stay awake… What do you think about… So in the spirit of all of this I will answer both I guess…

What do I think about that puts me to sleep?

This kind of screws me over a lot… some of my best lines… stories… ideas… have been written right as I fall asleep… sometimes I able to snap out of it and try to write the best line that I can remember down… but it still isn’t the same… super excited for brain implants that can record your thoughts… or maybe I shouldn’t be?.. whatever worth the jail time if I could just remember the damn words inside my head… To combat this feeling of lose every night… I tell myself the same story every time I am actively trying to fall asleep…

Which is super private… did you think I was going to tell you my top secret story?.. Honestly it is pretty boring and stupid… It always starts out with the first line… “Some nights were colder than others, but in the dead of winter all nights seems to be the coldest they will ever be.”… Then I just go off from there… about how I live in isolation and need to find a way tomorrow to survive the end of the world by zombie apocalypse… the reason I start off with that line though is that I like to be cold when I sleep… set the tone and drift off to sleep…

What I think about to not fall asleep at work?

This varies quite a bit… I think of how to solve problems at work… I think about how some people at work are total fucking assholes… I think of how to solve a world problem or local problem such as hunger, poverty, or something I have zero control over… but if I could… I also think a lot about the things I will get done when I get home… dinner… and on more occasions than I would like… how sad and worthless I am in this world for not being able to do anything about the things I can’t control and the things I can… how I won’t get any writing done… that all my dreams are bullshit and ten years from now I will be doing the same thing over and over again… because hell is a place on earth… you know fun stuff to keep the mind sharp… these Broken Thoughts basically write themselves at a certain point…

Question 2: What Is Your Favorite Room In Your House? Why?

As always I have two… but it wasn’t always that way… My favorite room is my garage because that is where I write so I spend a lot of time in here… though really I can and do write everywhere… really I just put it together here… which gives it a positive and negative vibe… positive because I’m getting work done… finishing stories and ideas that I have been thinking about for weeks and months… sometimes years… negative because as much as I like writing… trying to be a professional writer really takes the piss out of the enjoyment of writing… now it is work… and I’m lazy… one pass is good enough for me… so what if it doesn’t make any sense?.. haha…

Which leads me to my new favorite room in the house… recently my wife got new outdoor furniture for the sun room… so I like to just sit out there and read for hours… think about life… and wonder why we didn’t do this sooner… so I like that room because there is no pressure to do anything… there is nothing on the walls… there is no TV… and all that I can hear is the squirrels trying to bang one another… pretty peaceful… helps mellow out my chaotic mind… something I never thought I would say I enjoy…

Question 3: If You Could Take Only 3 People With You On a Trip Around The World, Who Would You Take?

Finally an easy question… My wife… my daughter… and my mom… would be the most relaxing trip ever…….

Question 4: What Part Of A Big Parade Would You Like To Be?

Depends on the parade I guess… is a funeral a parade?… what kind of parade would I even be featured in?… this question raises too many other questions to be properly answered at this time… short answer I would not want to be part of any parade and fear that is a parade for my own execution… in which case… front of the god damn line… lets get this over with already…

Layne Amborse
Is
Chewing On Glass

Merch… Threadless… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter

Still Available

Broken Thoughts Vol. 1 Between Me and You…

Had A Lot Less To Say… Q & A..

Time for three or four random questions to be answers… no one asked but here we go… Questions provided by the fabulous Ungame… never heard of it?… there might be a reason…

Question 1: What Is Your Best Friend Like?

She is the type of person… that you’d want to hang on a wall… put on display… someone you always want to be there… and when she is not… you can really feel it… deep down in your soul… luckily I have a wall for such things…

Question 2: Finish The Sentence “The Best Thing About Today Is…”

That I’m not the only one using ellipses… too lame… That I didn’t strangle anyone at work… too obvious… That I didn’t have to tell my daughter to pick up her dead things… too illogical… because I checked out as a parent today… That I got to do something I wanted to do today… Just right…

Question 3: If You Could Live Anyplace In The World – Where Would It Be?

Wow… this is a hard one… because I want to live every where… but I will try to limit to… Japan… South Africa… Australia… Antarctica… Sweden… Norway… Finland… South Korea… Madagascar… if I am limited to the United States… then Alaska… Maine… North Dakota… Montana… everywhere I am not basically… haha… someplace cold… isolated… and has a lot of Asian food… I need trees too… In my head I guess…

Question 4: What Do You Like To Do In Your Spare Time?

What the fuck is spare time?… I enjoy a lot of things… I spend most of it writing though… I love doing that… I always enjoy collecting dead things… bird skulls… I need more… Legos… destroying piece of wood or as I like to call them projects… I’d say listening to music… but I do that with everything… reading… whatever my daughter wants me to do… hide and seek… floor is lava… Minecraft… trying to find time to spend with my wife… watching true crime documentaries… I’m pretty boring…

Layne Ambrose

Got out of that one pretty easy… more random questions to come… next month… looking for words?… check the links below…

Merch… Threadless… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter

Screaming To A Frightening Sound… Something Different…

Enough Reason Why

The things we do to each other
The things we do to ourselves
Vile, how do we overcome our past
Failure, every sense of the word
The worlds on fire, we are to blame
For what we did to ourselves in our name

The things we do to each other
The things we do to ourselves
Disgusting, inherently evil
Incompetent… Every sense of the word
The worlds crumbling beneath our feet
Shaken, left for dead
For what we did to ourselves in our name

The things we do to each other
The things we do to ourselves
The things we do for freedom
Enslaved, in the end it’s all the same
Depraved, in every sense of the word
The worlds on its last leg
Whom to blame when we are all at fault?
Let this all go on for far too long
Knew turning a blind eye was wrong
Did it anyway, no excuses resting on them
Say you care, well now is the time to prove
Everything you believe

Beg for change, yet more destruction
Beg for a difference, yet more destruction
Shut up and do as we say, yet more destruction
So damned if we do and so damned if we don’t
Running pattern of hopelessness at every turn

Born to condemn, no
Born to kill, no
Born to
Born to make a difference through destruction?
Left without any options
Isolation, suppression
Won’t work this time
When the enemy is what we are
Human
Facing our demons head on
Is more than enough reason why
Laying down is not a reason to die

I wrote this years ago… never posted or did anything with it because it was too bleak… even for me… Things have changed a lot in the last week… sitting on the sidelines with a knee firmly planted isn’t enough anymore… should have been for people to have taken notice… for people to address that something needs to change… but sadly our world doesn’t work like that… no matter how much we try to improve… history shows… teaches us that lesson… pick a turning point in human history… violence… destruction follows… I don’t want to see it happen… But when the options run out… I understand…

I believe in words… words carry power… words should be enough… I don’t want to see anyone hurt… property destroyed… but even more I don’t want to see this blind eye to racism in America… in the world to continue… I’m tired of a great man’s words… only being a Dream… when they should be reality… We have so much more to offer each other than hate…

Please march… please express how you feel… as long as you remember that those left in the wake of destruction could be ourselves… Be safe… be heard with your words and your presence… don’t lose faith… don’t fall victim to the tactics of hate that surround us… We can change this all for the better… together… Black Lives Matter… but it shouldn’t have to matter when it comes to life and death… freedom and justice… we all deserve to live without fear… now is the time to prove… enough is enough…

Merch… Threadless… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter

Felt Right For The Time…

Looking Back Something I Miss…

For those of you who don’t know… now you do… DEVO…

Cannot get enough of this song… amazing video to go with it… perfect…

Haunting… Reznor… Lynch… Enough said…

That opening riff… is all anyone needs… but wait there’s more… #blessed…

So if you ever wondered… that is what I listen too when I write… just those four songs over and over again… haha… actually I listen to a lot of music… maybe I’ll bring this feature back… but for now… it felt right for the time…

Merch… Threadless… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter

This Seems New? Because It Is…

Like Music?.. Like Poetry?…
Well Have We Got Something For You…
Raw Earth Ink Presents

The Poets Symphony

Broken Thoughts… Tired Of Waiting…

Taking eight more hours of my life
Lifeless spider crawls across my skin
Been dead inside for so long
Forgot what it meant to live at all
Taking each moment as it comes
Losing track of each day
Is it Tuesday or Sunday?
Does it even matter anymore?
Building a nest of dead things in my heart
Thoughts and memories I want to forget
Burned in my mind, across my skin
Feel everything and nothing all the same
Strapping myself to the stake
Living a life without complaint
In death maybe I could be free
Maybe more of the same
Too much doubt in everything
Moving on, where it leads all the same
Outcomes and differences are for those
Who have nothing to lose

If you concern yourself with other people’s problems… They are no longer their problems…

Counting the minutes until the end
Running numbers inside my head
Roaming clock of gunshots in the distance
Loud noises to prove I’m still here
Endless ideas to hold me under
Went in early the day that I died
Only to know I’ve been here before
Thoughts written out in tiny sentences
Short little ideas I live out
Living was an ideas I couldn’t comprehend
Dying seemed too easy to be the plan
Stuck somewhere in between complaining
Counting the minutes until this is all over
Don’t rush me I’ve already skipped ahead
Pushing myself beyond limits
Burning the candle at both ends?
Try doused in gasoline

Smashing myself against the glass…

Desperately trying to hang on
Fingers clenched to the side of it all
If a dream doesn’t last
Is it a nightmare or the end?
Some days are better
Today is not one of them
Running in the night
Chasing darkness
Desperately trying to hang on
To this dream I created in my head
Never had another choice
They say we have a purpose, do we?
They say we make our own future, do we?
They say so much shit
Infecting and rotting my brain
I miss the days when nothing I said meant anything
Step after step, can’t turn back
All for nothing, all that I have become
What was the point of this?
If for nothing at all
Tired of waiting, tired of even caring
Drain my own blood and it wasn’t enough
Running from the demon, chasing the dark
Running from myself all along
Where did I really think I was going
With myself tagging along
There never was no dream, no army, no wall
Only me, only my own demons to conquer
Been so blind, so misguided for too long
Known the answer for too long
A dream isn’t an idea
A nightmare or a choice
Something we are born with
Something we must do, see to the end
A battle between good and evil
Right and wrong
Heaven and Hell
A battle that never mattered at all
The dream is me
The darkness is me
The demon is me
Need to shut up and enjoy the ride
Need to quit waiting
Quit complaining and enjoy the life I was given
The one I created
The one I’ve always wanted
Limits are for the ones too scared to look past them
The ones I have placed upon myself
New dawn rises, where I stand
Is where I chose to be
Suffer or survive
It is all on me

Well that got intense… for me at least… talked out a lot of thoughts out of my head… talked myself off a ledge… need to stop feeling sorry for myself… stop feeling like I’m not good enough to do this… all of this… spent too much of my life doubting myself… hurting myself… pretending I wasn’t… no one cares and maybe they shouldn’t… no where is it written that they should… reading between the lines only get you stuck between two ideas…

Been stuck there for a very long time… stuck in my head… now that I’ve stepped out… where do I go?… what is the path?… what is the goal?.. spent so much time thinking this would get better… this would all heal itself… missing all the better around me… the hope I thought I lost… has been standing next to me all along… locked away by my own selfishness… by my own insecurities… some of you have seen into the window of my heart… between the bars… but I haven’t until today… all I ever saw was the cage… the limits…

The path is clear… the goal is simple… failing is not an option… nothing is over until it is done… I’m not going anywhere… so strap in… going to come back swinging… as I have always said I would… and you should…

Merch… Threadless… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter

Broken Thoughts… Throwing Around Words…

The demon is back
A casual friend from before
Talking out all the things
Buried deep within
I think this will hurt
I don’t care
Could be worse
I think this will kill
I don’t care
Everything could be so much worse
Speaking from inside, experience to say
Life is all about screwing it up
Learn from these mistakes
Mistaken as good advice
Vice made, vices earned
I deserve a fucking break
From my brain for one fucking day
I know this will hurt
Do not care
Couldn’t be any worse than before
I know this will kill
Do not care
Everything could be so much worse

Who I was then verse who I am now…

A moment in time
Reliving all the lies
Hid myself from the pain
So hard to find shelter before the rain
I’d drown if it made everything better
Sucking for air
Walls closing in, chest tightening
I knew it was there
I’ve always known that pain would hurt
Condition of living, conditioned to live
A moment in time
They all pass even with no end in sight
Hid myself from the pain
Broken heart syndrome with a broken neck
Swaying to the sound
Swaying to the end of all things that end
I’d kill myself if it would take away everything
Stupid idea, thinking then all the same
Another useless day doing useless things
Biding my time, each moment a moment
Each thought something in time
Take it as it comes
What else did you have to do today?

I’m writing the ending while trying to live through the beginning…

The smell of shit litters the air
This is the world we walk
The world we live
Walking with a crooked spine
To fit in
The devil may not exist
Because he already won
Victory can seem so empty
With no one around to notice
Truth in fiction
Satisfaction in lies
Can say whatever it is to win
Perception is only part of the equation
The view from the top is empty
A lonely place reaching for the sky
Claustrophobic at the bottom
Climbing through all the limbs
Tearing down each brick of the tower
Raining shit and blood
I ask you what’s the difference?

A lot of really interesting thoughts today… maybe I talk about them all… maybe I don’t… starting in reverse… the third one is one of the best things that I have written in the past year… for me at least… we’ve all heard that shit rolls down hill… or some version of this… I am sure every culture and every language has their own version because it is true… This idea though that shit goes to the bottom and that’s the end of that… is only one perception…

It is easy to hate the top… it is easy to sit here and being like really?… boo hoo for them… fuck them… fuck them indeed… I agree… except we are all just trying to claw our way to that point… we all want to be at the top… we all want to be them… to free ourselves from all this shit that keeps piling up… but the truth is… that the shit goes in a circle… is it easier at the top?… I’m sure it is… because I’m down here at the bottom…

Maybe it is age or just a lack of effort anymore… fighting everything to get to some theoretical top doesn’t seem appealing… it somehow seems so much worse than where I stand today… I mean if I’m going to have to fight… I’d rather fight to make everything around me better than climb above it… working out how I feel about it… as I write… so bare with me… maybe if we stopped fighting each other… stopped trying to push our way up… things could be so much better… working together rather than against each other… seems to be the answer all along…

We waste so much time and effort trying to be better than the next person… some very important ways it is important… it advances us… we advance… but the superficial shit… do we honestly believe someone in a Supreme shirt is so much better than someone who is not?… organic is a privilege?… shouldn’t it just be the norm?… do we really need a screen on every god damn thing?… or maybe hear me out… one is good enough… what we have is good enough… shouldn’t who we are define us more than the things that we own or wear?… you mean we’d have to get to know each other?… jaw hits the floor…

I know I’m not starting a revolution… I’m not saying anything I haven’t heard before… but I think for the first time in my life I am feeling it… I think about shit way too much… chewing on glass… and I’ll be the first to admit I think about my life after I’ve made it as a writer… the things I would buy and have and what I would do… sometimes the thoughts made me feel “happy” and sometimes they made me feel worthless… and lately… I’m going to be honest… I don’t think about the things anymore… I don’t care… nothing will ever be enough so fuck it… lately when I’m knee deep in shit… feel like all of this life is worthless… I think of my daughter… her smiling face… it makes me so happy at times that… I have to fight the need to cry…

I think about my wife and all the joy she brings to my life… I think of those around me… how one action can change their whole day… I think of what I already have and all the things I can do for those around me… not with money or gifts… though sometimes these things help… we still have to survive… I’m talking beyond the basics… we have to take care of ourselves and those around us… but do we need all the money?… do we need to have all the things?… shouldn’t we spend our time making this life better for everyone… instead of so much better for myself?…

We live this life backwards… we live this life selfishly… we live this life not in the pursuit of happiness… and no one can until they define true happiness… and it is not the things we own or the things that we don’t own… it is the things we already have… I know I am talking without any answers… I know what I am saying won’t change everything… but maybe… at the very least… it will be another perspective for us all to think about…

Hope all is well… Welcome to the new year… let the cycle begin…

Merch… Threadless… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter

Spent Every Last Dime…

Writing from my humid, fart smelling, and spider infested desk has to be the pinnacle of everything in my life right now. Hammering nails into wood would seem almost more productive at this point. Year fucking zero on a life that has yet to begin. I wonder how many more Ghost reference I can push through my brain for no reason at all. Bored with all the time in the word. Sitting still seems like the only thing to do, but I have a mountain of shit I have to do for free. I guess we all bide our time doing something. Broken part of my brain won’t let me just enjoy life. No I have to be working towards something at a glaciers pace on a budget of zero. Maybe today will be the day I drink enough energy drinks and smoke enough cigarettes to kill myself. Unlikely, but maybe the alcohol will slip me into a comma that I don’t give a fuck about what other people think. It won’t, but I need to submit my thoughts none the less. Don’t get me wrong I love to write, but I could do without all the pressure of being liked. I have yet to find any audience that wants to hold me high above their shoulders and chant my name. Nope instead I am sweating my ass off in my garage plotting away a life time’s worth of work.

 It’s hard out here for a pimp. Working away at nothing is exhausting. I know what I would do with all of the attention and it isn’t pretty. But to be honest I fear it all the same. I don’t want to be the center of attention. That is how I have always been. I don’t want to be someone’s hero. I like being the villain and I just want to write. I love it. It is all I do and everything else is something I do to pass the time in between thoughts. Get in line right? Well I already am in line. Been there for a while waiting for my number to be called. Gone through all the stages and been left behind. I can feel my heart growing even more bitter with every day. I’m not there yet, but I can feel it coming around the corner. Digging out the hole in my heart. The more it hurts the closer you get right? Being sober is a long walk to the same exact spot. The more I say the more I want, could use a drink. The depression takes a hold and all I can think is maybe tomorrow. All the time in the world and I don’t want to do anything, but ramble on. Ramble on about my failures in a game that makes no sense.

Nothing handed to you is worth anything at all. Anything worth anything won’t just be found. Stumbled upon maybe, but odds are that it won’t. Digging a four foot grave because six feet seems like too much work. An analogy for my whole life. If only I could change something in my brain. Flip a switch and set all this shit to off. Wake me up when any of it matters and yet I know I’d never flip that switch. All this pain, all this effort, all this waiting has to be worth something. Even if it is worth nothing at all in the scheme of things. Life isn’t about anything other than living, but living is the boring part. The day to day drag of nothing at all. The best moments in life are the ones you don’t know you are living until they have already gone by. Remind myself that this isn’t over, but I know I want more. Feel it in my bones. Rattling around in my head to keep going for a dream that makes no sense. Who the fuck cares what anyone has to say when we don’t? Let alone pay for it? Print is nearly dead and I cling to its dying corpse in hopes that it will pay off. Seems very much like something I would do. Get it from my mother. This optimism that everything will work out if you work hard enough. Where the fuck I get this bitterness I do not know.

Threading the line between optimist and pessimist becomes exhausting over time. A fucking wave of emotions that crashes against the rocks of my brain. Will I or won’t I actually give a shit today? And even if I do will I even do anything with it or just sit and suffer? Living life stuck in between everything else is exhausting. Word of the day. Exhausted and bored with every thought. I could, but why should I? Stuck in between here and there and I just want to be there already. Though I have no idea where there is. Happy? Unlikely. Content? Stop trying to fit yourself into a box. Comfortable? In this skin? Highly unlikely. Fighting for something and swinging at nothing. A circle jerk with no pay off. Lost and lonely, and that is where I am today. Doing nothing at all.

If you click the links maybe some Amazon book magic will happen without you having to buy anything… I don’t know I am stupid and desperate… but if you have a Twitter account… you can click that link… and tell me how much life sucks… or how much I suck… I’m open to interpretation… don’t forget to use the hash tag… #BrokenThought….

Merch… Threadless… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter

Chewing On Glass… Retrospective… Year 3…

Hope you missed me because I’m back… Year 3… begins today… the format will be different… after last years ass kicker of a schedule… things are changing all around really… still working on my novel… still writing… think I have just been sitting around?… who the fuck do you think I am?… I always have a plate of glass ready to go… hungry as fuck… don’t believe me?…

Still don’t know how to use this website…

That my friends… is the stack… the stack of stuff I have been working on… working through… and the crazy part is that… that isn’t even all of it… I have files on my phone… on my computer… that I still have to print out… I’ve got plans for this year… ideas I want to get out… and unlike last year… I know that I will… little by little I will get it done…

First step in not repeating last year… I changed the schedule to reduce burn out and pressure… besides my whole life going to shit… that was the biggest thing I struggled with last year… burn out plus depression do not mix… because I will just do nothing… and pile on that pressure… not a good combination… for me… or anyone really… so to take that out of the equation and to provide better content in general… I went down to two days of the week… Monday and Thursday… we all have lives that we need to live… I get that now after two years…

I also have decided to do what we just experienced… a break from time to time… there is a reason that your favorite show doesn’t play a new episode every day… or every week… so every three months there will be a two month break… I know I just showed you a stack of shit I have waiting to be read… I know two months seems like forever… but we made it through this last few months… hopefully… so it will be okay…

Which brings me to the next topic I want to rant about… some of that work in the picture is actually my novel and a few other books I have been sitting on for years… don’t expect a flood of shit from me… but I do have some plans coming up… stay tuned for more information… so that is a big reason for the new format… I want to focus more energy on that… or those… or whatever… Because I have decided to give up on finding a publisher…

I’ve been sitting far too long on ideas… books… stories…and thoughts that I want to share… in hopes that one day I will get picked up by a publisher… for better or worse… fuck it… I’m not getting any younger… I don’t want to sit here and hope anymore that doing it the “right” way will lead to something… my heroes… your heroes… didn’t just sit there hoping… they made it happen… that is why they are our heroes… so… if I have to do it all myself… then so be it… worse case they won’t buy any of the books that I published on my own… they aren’t buying them now… getting to a point in my life where win/lose is no longer how it is… it is all just lose from here…

So that is where you come in… well you have always been here… but that is where I need you… buying books… t-shirts… anything is… thank you… but if you really want to help me.. big picture help me… follow me on twitter… leave reviews… tell others… click links…(Working on a few other things as well…) any amount of extra traffic helps… it may seem pointless and useless… but it really does help… and I thank you very much for all the help that you bring to this website… to me…

I know that shit got weird last year… I wanted so much more out of last year… I failed at a lot of things I wanted to accomplish… professionally and personally… it was a hard year… one that I hope I never have to live again… but I thank you for sticking around… for liking… for commenting… for believing in me… it is easy to get caught up in everything… life is a shit storm of events… situations… thoughts… feelings… and I want you to know that I appreciate every second that you have taken out of your busy lives to visit this website… I know I go on selfish rants about my thoughts… feelings… but I think about all of you and all that you do… every day… even if I don’t say it… even when I get caught up in my own shit… I think a lot about each and everyone of you… Thank you…

Welcome to year three…

Layne Ambrose

(Block editing or whatever WordPress is calling this shit still sucks…)

Merch… Threadless… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter

Broken Thoughts… If I Had A Tail… You’d Never Know…

They say I’m depressed
Enlightened by the idea
They even know me
The loneliness creeps up
Digs deep inside
Have always felt I have been
Left to die
A child’s thought buried inside
How long am I willing to ride this out?

Torn Between… Everything is fine…

My head is finally empty
A feeling I’ve been searching for
Though I don’t understand
Everything seems pointless
Repeated over and over again
Suicide doesn’t seem painless
But really only the next step

A sober thought lost in my mind…

The spiders shall crawl across your skin
From the darkness of you heart
Spinning webs in the empty space
Fading from the structure started
Disappearing in the disappointment
Of a lost idea in my head
Taking a long time to talk this out
So unsure what to say
Too many things killing me
Ignoring everything
Hard to breathe
Too many things getting in the way
Hard to tell
What the hell I’m even saying

Too depressed even for me… Walking it off…

“It has been awhile since we have seen each other. It has been a time since I have been like this. I have to say that I missed this. Missed us in a way that makes no sense.” I bash my head into the bathroom mirror. The image in front of me shatters. Lines of blood across my face and I stare into my cold dead eyes. “You’ve always been so beautiful. The things you do to me. The way you make me feel is unmistakable. You are me and I have always been you. That’s the smile I have missed.” The blood drips from my face, from my teeth, onto the sink, and staring. “They said we shouldn’t be together. I’ll admit I agreed for a time but now that we are back together? As I look into your eyes? Fuck them for ever tearing us apart. Who the fuck are they to decide what we mean to each other? They don’t know what it takes for us to walk this Earth.” I smash my head against the mirror once again. Tiny shards sticking out of my face. “Now let’s go show them what it is you really mean to me.”

That last one was fun… been sitting on that one for a while… no idea where it came from… I was planning for it to be this whole story… but fuck it… new ideas will come… very crazy mix of thoughts in this one… I know I throw words like suicide and death around… like they ain’t shit… need to stress that these are Broken Thoughts… moments that pass… some of them repeat in my head… so I can see why my friends and family worry…

I appreciate it… always have… I don’t use those words for attention… I take them very seriously… they are also only thoughts… feel guilty when I make others worry… because there is nothing to worry about… writing has always been a way for me to get this shit out of me… because that’s how I really feel… suicide and death is shit… there are plenty of things to live for… what else is there really to do?…

Death will come whether we want it to or not… the price we pay for life… so there is no reason to speed it up… there is always a way out… a lesson to be learned… even when you think there is no other way out… you’d be surprised that there is… I have been back against the wall… seen some shit… lived through things I’d never wish on anyone… feet still planted firmly on this earth… didn’t get through any of it alone… things always seem so much worse up close… at times we can feel so alone on this earth… trust me though you are never alone…

If I have learned anything from sharing my thoughts over the past two years… it is that we are never alone… something I think we all need to be reminded of every day… not everyone is your friend… but not everyone is a monster either… protect yourself… but don’t lock yourself away completely… things will get better… sometimes it takes time… sometimes all you have to do is ask… but things get better…

Merch… Threadless… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter