There’s a Crack In My Heart That I Can Not Contain…

 

It’s been 27 years since this song debuted… a lot of shit has happened in that time… a lot of emotions have sparked and died… but does any of it matter?… Is music really that important?… Is a dead man worth remembering?… 

We are all searching for some form of importance… to our kids… to our friends… on the internet… through our books… and words… thoughts thought about and purged onto someone else… it all seems too much to take in at times… too much to process… but is it important?… I would hope so…

This song makes me happy… makes me want to get up and do something with myself… the song brings me so much joy, but at the same time so much pain… so many thoughts of what could have been… the realization that someone is dead… that there is no more music coming… a retrospective on who I am and what I want to be… a burden or a saint… 

Worshiping a drug addict doesn’t seem like the right think to do… but if he told me to jump… would I?… how much influence can someone really have?… as much as we let them… a guiding light… when it comes to the arts… we take certain things and separate them from the facts… it doesn’t matter what he did but what he has done… broken… the idea is broken… and I am broken right along with him… 

Kurt Cobain has influenced me… Nirvana has influenced me… and in the 27 years since then… they still do… along with countless others… his death was to me another crack on my heart… another fractured reminder that all my heroes are dead… and one day I will be too… 

 

“I have never failed to feel.”
Kurt Cobain

 

 

Threadless… Merch… Amazon… Books… Etsy… Art… Twitter… Broken Thoughts

Well This Should Be Fun…

I had a lot of fun doing a Q and A with myself… last week… so I thought why not this week do one with all of you?… kind of like the blog awards… but not… so leave a question down below in the comments… or on Twitter… and I will or I won’t answer them by Friday… for Friday’s post… so questions need to be in by Thursday morning at the latest… If you don’t want me to link you to your question… let me know… This should be fun… 

penguin

One Year Ago… From The Heart…

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What a year it has been… a lot has gone down… a lot has been said… a lot of things have changed… I grew a lot in this year… from who I am to closer to who I want to be… I could be a selfish ass and take all the credit… believe me I want to be… but no…

No… all this is thanks to you… yeah you… each and every one of you for reading… liking… commenting… and being who you are… you have all helped me grow as a person… as a writer… as a father… and as a friend… you have all been there for me when I was down… lifted me back up when I needed it…been there for me when I didn’t think I could go on… I could name names… but that wouldn’t be fair… it has been everyone… thank you… from the bottom of my heart… Thank you… 

With my heart filled with joy… here is to another year… a year filled with stories and poetry… broken thoughts and shitty advice… because we all know you are here for the pure enjoyment of words and not for me to kiss your ass… : )

Yeah… I know none of this was dark… but you all bring out the best in me… damn you… 

With all the love a black heart can come up with… thank you…

Layne Ambrose 7/29/18

 

(I’m sure you thought I was going to sell you something… But that is tomorrow… this is today… I think I have links… if I don’t… oh well… I’m just glad you are here today… maybe it is time for a face lift?… speaking of… Great album by Alice In Chains… just saying… best tracks… It Ain’t Like That or Sunshine… but those are deep cuts… We Die Young… great opener… I’ll shut up now… if you promise to listen… )

Lemonade and Glass Take 5…

Part 1Part 2Part 3Part 4

And we are back with more exciting picks for our playlist… with the power of Lemonade and Glass combined… we present… some more songs… with some more thoughts… 

New Songs to the playlist

Glass

  1. The Package by A Perfect Circle
  2. Beat the Devils Tattoo by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
  3. Unglued by Stone Temple Pilots
  4. Little Room by The White Stripes
  5. 3rd Planet by Modest Mouse

Lemon

1.      Honest Eyes by Black Tide

2.      State of Mind by Merril Bainbridge

3.      Radioactive by Imagine Dragons

4.      The Phoenix by Fall Out Boy

5.      Everything is Awesome by Tegan and Sara

 

Little Room by The White Stripes (Glass)

I think this track is relatable to anyone who has ever created a large project either musically, artistically, or as a writer… or maybe even as a student… fucking thesis…  I find that I have this problem all the time… I’m constantly rearranging my office… changing out the old whiteboard… staring at a wall… any excuses to blame my lack of creativity on… because it can’t be me and I could never burn out… I mean I am perfect and always full of ideas… or is that shit?…

Honest Eyes by Black Tide (Lemons)

To be entirely honest, I found this song from a video game. I’m not ashamed. Street Fighter X Tekken. I love violent button bashers. I love violent games full stop. And the intro to this game is this song with a bunch of really awesome fight sequences, complete with slow-punching and superhero movie style cinematography. I think I will actually link the trailer so you can both hear the song and see how nerdy I am… 

I love this song. It is perfect for air drums. And makes driving epic. Car screaming the shit out of the entire thing. “Hate…I’m filled with hate, and guilt, and regret…How did I get so lost…Fight…I’ll end this fight; pull myself out…Save myself at all costs…Give me my…My life back”

Beat the Devil’s Tattoo by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club (Glass)

That’s one hell of a name… another life soundtrack song for me… “Sleeping on a razor there is nowhere else to fall”… the chanting is one of my favorite parts of this song… “Everyone is king when there is no one left to pawn”… this would make an amazing tattoo… look for no more truth than this idea… “I’ll thread the needle if you give me the Devil tattoo, I’ll thread the needle if you give me the Devil tattoo”… I think everyone gets to this point… a broken state that is beyond giving in… for me it is work… for other’s, it may be something else… I think this idea that the “Devil” can only be human is basically a false narrative… the “Devil” can be anything…. drugs, sex, violence, anger, or pain… we fight so many things and only have one thing to blame… it is important to not give in to these things…

State of Mind by Merril Bainbridge (Lemons)

When I was (fuck…) 12 I loved this entire album. I would listen to it in its entire length. I still love it. I listen to it now and think “what the actual fuck did a twelve year old get out of this?” This little nerd girl reading books, riding horses and listening to Merril Bainbridge talking about sex, relationships and… how ever you want to interpret this song. “I feel it…Tearing at my soul while I’m asleep…I feel it…Driving me to something I’ll regret” Sounds a little stabby… Maybe that’s why I like it.

 

That’s it for this week… be back in two weeks with three more songs each and a youtube playlist for those of you without Spotify… or an endless cascade of albums locked away in your home… 

Ambrose

Bahahahaha I do not miss CDs or tapes… Alright, maybe tapes a little bit. Yep, sorry we will not be on next week. It is my bad, well, not bad. Just my life lemons encroaching on things again.

Lemons

Belonging To Nothing Preview

With Me

I can see every last thought you’d ever think
I live in your dreams though you call them nightmares
My thoughts are with you day and night
My blood moves you as though if to fight
Tomorrow a new day dawns
Yet another day for you and I
Teetering on the edge
How much control do you think you really command?
Let me out and I shall show you how to live
Let me go and I’ll erase everything you know
I am you and you are me
We say we are different
A lie we must believe
A lie which controls us through space and time
I can see your every thought
I live with you even if you have moved on
Death is but an idea
Withheld from the weak
There is no tomorrow
When you are with me

One and the Same

I can tell this is going to end badly
Like everything else in my memories
Holistic approach is nothing to be concerned about
Blood dripping off the walls
And all I know is all hope is gone
I feed my addiction
Through your pain
In the end, they are one and the same
So much for hope when wishing
Has gotten me nowhere
I know this is wrong
Though I can’t stop this never-ending fight
Between humanity and the night
I feel it all slip out of sight
And I wish that all of this didn’t
Feel so right
I think of ways
I dream in thoughts
In the end, they are one and the same

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As the title suggests these belong to nothing so I guess they belong to Chewing on Glass now… 

I should be pushing my wares… not really feeling at the moment… I’ll drop the links and you do what you will… ThreadlessAmazon… 

Something Different

Together Until the End

The thoughts like suicide loses meaning
If done more than twice
Never look back, Keep plowing ahead
None of this will matter when we are all dead
Nuclear holocaust, burning until there is no resolve
Whoever said the cold war had ended is dead now
I’m telling you to have something to say
Not that anyone would listen anyway
Who am I, amongst the masses
Who am I, amongst the depressed fascists
There can be no voice of a generation
If everyone is shouting at the same time
How is it that the dumbest rise above us
How is it that we could be so blind
Falling for the same tricks time after time
Maybe in the end, there is no intelligent life after all
Maybe we deserve each other, deserve the graves we’ve dug
At least in this, we will finally be one
Rotting and bleeding, once and for all

Unleashed Thoughts

Sweating bullets made of glass
Shattering on the ground
Pick up the pennies that have become
Worth barely more than worthless
Time is money, couldn’t trade time for money
Getting paid seems like an afterthought
To living at all
Breaking down the seconds into monetary value
Turning all the lies into regret
What has this become over time
A suspicion, a waste of energy
Give anything to take it back
But not what it takes to push ahead
Self-doubt is all there ever was
Broken mind and lost ideas of nothing
Spinning tales just to get by
Begging for more than there is to offer
Living in the present to only drown in the past

 

Broken Up Thoughts

I know everything I need to do but I’m just scared…

Everything lasts if only for a moment. A moment in time lost forever…

Feel so left out even though I was invited. Invitation still in the mail I suppose. Invited none the less. It was as though we could have sat this one out but showed up anyways…

The sadness grows infinite. Dripping down but never draining away. As though I exist without existing at all. A lost parallel to nothing wrapped in sentiment and sin.

Fun to watch from a distance as the distance becomes greater and greater. Their faces still smiling though only with the slightest hint of fear. Go alone into the great nothing or hold everyone close for dear life. Either option succumbs the same fate. There is no life after death no matter how much we pray.

Everything is different even if it is the same. We tell ourselves if only I could go back to this moment or that moment, but it is just shit we say to ourselves. Like one more and I’m done. Three more later our stomach-aches and we are left knowing why. Can’t go back only forward. Good or bad forward is all we know.

The world is changing but we are all staying the same….

We live in a play set world where death is an option not a way of life. We take every single breath for granted yet they still don’t mean anything. There will be more to come. Tomorrow is another day not the end…

How far must I go
To reach the end of the world
Staring off the edge of a cliff
The whole world laid out below
I feel the paradise but at a loss
I see everything that doesn’t need to exist
When the world goes
Will I remember any of this

Really stretching the meaning of this post with this one… I was trying to clear off some of the pages on my desk… random bits of paper… nine down… a thousand more dead trees to go… a massacre laid out amongst the rest… So many Broken Thoughts still scattered in my brain… a slow drip… driving me insane… A happiness… I could never find… a rotting of the core… They say I am great at nothing at all… Believed the lies and now I am on display… Displaced from a reality that I must live… Day to day… everything will be okay… Post script of the unimaginative…