Waiting For You Down Here… Broken Thoughts…

Held my head down in the water too long
A foggy, thickness that made no sense
Nothing gets in below the surface
Hollowed out existence
Submerged below everything around me
Thought it was you, knew it was only me
Pulling the reigns, tying the noose
Could say I was suffering but I was
Only living in a world of my own creation
Could say anything meant more than it did
Because it didn’t held so far under the waves

I’m just trying to stay calm in a world that doesn’t know what that means…

Held my face too close to the flames
A burning, suffocation that made no sense
Nothing gets to me beyond the screams
Suffering out existence
Engulfed by everything around me
Thought it was you, knew it was only me
Nailed in place, lighting the flames
Could say I was suffering but I was
Only living in a world of my own creation
Could say anything meant more than it did
Because it didn’t burning on the stake

Order and chaos… chaos and order… never stops breeding…

Held my face too close to the ground
A familiar, emptiness that makes no sense
Nothing gets to me down here
Sleeping off existence
Surrounded by everything around me
Thought it was you, knew it was only me
Laying in place, succumbing to fate
Could say I was suffering but I was
Only living in a world of my own creation
Could say anything meant more than it did
Because it didn’t burying myself under all these feelings

Broken Thoughts
Layne Ambrose

I guess this could have been a poem… started off as a Broken Thought… that became something more… influenced heavily by my next poem book…Teething on Concrete… which may or may not be out by now… I’m never sure what it is I am doing… I’m a very focused… and somehow unfocused person… maybe it comes from only sleeping a few hours at a time… maybe I have always been this way… maybe I’m broken in some way… Anything is possible and here we are…

Pretty boring here at the moment… working on working on more work… so work on top of work… trying to get some stuff done… so I can move on… and work on more stuff?… Does it ever end?… I’m sure it will one day… not looking forward to that day though… deep breath… life is something else…

Stay safe… and create everything… I’ll be waiting for you down here…

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Strangers To Ourselves
My Nightmare
More Thoughts…

Broken
Demented
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From The Twisted Mind Of Layne Ambrose…

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Teeth Scrapping… Teething On Concrete…

It Has Arrived…

Is That A Funeral? Proudly Announces The Next Great Chapter In All Things Layne Ambrose…

A Poetry Collection Like No Other…

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Scarping its way into the world. Teething On Concrete is the newest collection of poetry by Layne Ambrose. Sobering, haunting, and downright depressing. Ambrose takes us on a journey the only way he knows how. Across the razor blades of his mind. Ambrose’s take on what it means to live will not be forgotten any time soon. Whether you are preaching, kneeling, or teething on concrete this collection is here to satisfy all your needs.

“Putting this down wasn’t much of an option.”
M.T. Billings, Shaky Town Rebellion

“Jesus…”
Sylvia Ambrose, Cover Artist

“Concrete never tasted so good.”
Korbin Copy, Is That A Funeral?

Teething On Concrete

Misunderstood The Day Once Again… Something Different…

Standing Here

Tearing at the edges, pulled apart but I won’t give up
Forcing out the thoughts that have built up
The ones about life, the ones that put me here
Right or wrong still standing right here
Would I change anything if I knew
If I thought it would erase this hurt, pain, thoughts
Reading through old pages as though they are new
I don’t know
Who are we, who am I
Thoughts stacked up over time
Waiting to be washed away
Page for page, moments in time
God only gives us as much as we can handle
Volumes of dead trees about how I feel
What’s the point of all these thoughts
Drifting in the wind, tear them out
Sliding down the hill, give in already
Drowning in the lake, head above the clouds
I don’t see heaven, but I can see hell
Burning every part, scorching the skin left in place
Smoking filling the lungs, ashes left in the dark
If god knows why, why won’t they say
Left with nothing but questions and doubts
Leading up to something or nothing at all?
Tearing at the edges, trying to think of what to say
Forcing out the feelings I feel inside
The ones about life, the ones that put me here
Right or wrong watching them burn
Edge for edge, thought for thought, truth or lie
Doesn’t matter as long as it leaves me standing here
I don’t know, I guess

Layne Ambrose

I plan my days in advance… then I try to fit them into some sort of schedule… hints why there is a depressing poem about life on a holiday about being thankful… in the US of course… I wasn’t trying to be ironic… but it seems the world is serendipitous to my intentions… this cycle hits some other holidays as well… so it seems this will be a theme this year… can’t say I care very much… but I did at least notice at the last minute…

So in the spirit of the day… I thought I should share things I am grateful for… my family of course… for putting up with my bull shit on a day to day basis… if you think this website is anything… too depressing… too vulgar… to dark… haha… well this is edited… so you are welcome… if you don’t think any of those things… well you are probably a family member… and you are also welcome… : )

I also want to say thank you to everyone who has bought a book… or all of them… to anyone who has bought a shirt… a sticker… or anyone who has decided that they need a new wardrobe… to each and everyone of you who hits “Like” or leaves a comment… all these things may seem small or unimportant… but any and all of your support… means the world to me… thank you… from the bottom of my cold heart…

I couldn’t do any of this without you all… I get lost in my selfishness sometimes… but you are all still very much on my mind… front and center… So thank you to all my… family… friends… and everyone in between… Enjoy the day… holiday or not… enjoy each and every day… because we only get so many… I just want you to know… it is a pleasure spending even the tiniest of these moments with you… hope all is well…

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Not Sure Where You’d Thought We’d Go… Broken Thoughts…

Even running late
Still right on time
Sinking into the idea of it all
A long walk with nowhere to go
The places I have been
Irrelevant
The places I will go
Irrelevant
Taking it all becomes
Irrelevant
Knowing isn’t always knowing
Each thought a repetition
Of everything I have already done
Thinking about all of this
Has become so irrelevant
Living with all of this
Has become so irrelevant
To my existence

The times change but the people don’t…

Past along idea, still no one wants to hear
A liar, a vile existence, a useless idea
Correct, my beliefs have always been
Take your lies and walk your line
Do not step across into mine
What I believe is how it is
Repeated mantra of millions
Spreads over time into billions
Becomes the truth
Because new ideas hold no light
New ideas are not accepted in this life
Slowly spreading disease with no cure

“Too much thought in anything spells death and dissatisfaction…” Well fuck…

“I’m just eccentric.”
“You know eccentric is just another word for asshole?”
“Your face is an asshole.”
“You are drunk and pathetic.”
“We are all pathetic, the problem is that most of us don’t care to notice.”
“You can never be wrong can you?”
“Not sure if it is even possible, but everyone will test the limits all the same.”
“You are such…”
“An asshole. I am very aware. Thanks for stopping by to remind me.”
“I live here.”
“I think you think you live here, but really you just inhabit the space around you.”
“Your life is not a novel. You can’t just say lines to sound witty and move on.”
“Life is whatever you want it to be and for all you know this might find it’s way into one someday. Just need to figure out what the characters are trying to say.”

Broken Thoughts
Layne Ambrose

Not sure if I mentioned this… but if I did… know that I probably won’t stop for a few years… back in March I lost two months worth of work… the reason is pretty stupid… make sure your work is saving… even if it says that it is… because everyone thinks “saved”… means maybe… two copies of everything at all times… because maybe it saved… that is petty of me of course… the only reason it haunts my brain is because… well some of my best work was in there… was it though?… we will never know… so many thoughts that I got out of my head… so many ideas I moved on from because they were done… two months worth of work lost in the blink of an eye…

What I learned from all of this… besides save your work every fifth of a second across nineteen different devices… is that it doesn’t matter… there will always be new thoughts… new things to think about… and the purpose of all of this is to free the demons from my mind… so a thought that sent me into a tail spin… put me in a depression that lasted weeks… left me with the realization that… the lost words… the lost thoughts… had done what they already needed to do… so nothing in turn was last after all… almost had you there for a second didn’t I?… fuck Google Docs… save your fucking work… and then save it again… better yet… write them down with pen and paper… and staple them to your chest… fuck… fuck… fuck…

It’s fine… I’m not dwelling on it at all… I’m sure we have all gone through this at some point… I’m sure it will happen again… but in the mean time… get your shit together Google Docs… don’t tell me it has been saving for weeks and then just one random ass day be like it never saved… I’ve uploaded the fucking file every day for two months… but you have no record of me doing so… I bet you saved every word I have ever said out loud near my phone though… without my permission of course… which is why your assistant app opens up randomly without a single prompt to do so… tell you what just put it back… and we can both pretend we don’t know nothing about anything…

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Chewing On Glass Presents… Hold Me Back…

His body is still right before it slams into the hood of the minivan. The impact throws his body like a rag doll out of my view, and further into the busy street. I rush to be near him, but I have a feeling he is closer to me now than ever before. His body lays in a tangled mess of blood, lacerations, and broken bones. The man I once loved is no longer there and all that exist is his empty shell of a body.

A crowd starts to form around his body as I fall to my knees. I cry like I have never cried before. I cry as if my tears will bring him back to life and end this pain running through my body. I try to hold him, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I’m so lost and confused, and there is so much blood. Someone calls 911, but it is too late for them to do anything. The blood takes the form of a trail leading to the nearest sewage drain. I don’t know what that means. Does any of this mean anything at all? I grab his body with all my love, “What does any of this mean?”

The paramedics arrive and ask me to let go of him, but I can’t bring myself to let go of his body. “Sir you need to let go of him. Sir he needs to go to the hospital,” one of them repeats over and over again. They force me to let go of him and I am covered in his blood. The cops hold me back as the paramedics load his body onto the ambulance, and drive him away. Leaving me behind in a world that doesn’t understand. A world that doesn’t care what we have been through.

Taking it back to where it began… nothing like an old story to bring you back to reality… I have always loved this tiny story… it came from a place of love then… and now… Love is a hard thing to come by… it takes work… to love and be loved… but it is something we are all looking for… I think that is what we need to remember when we think of people… we are all searching for the same thing… to love and be loved… Once you understand that… then you understand that there are no differences between us…

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Something Different… Once Again… Q & A…

It is once again time to play Tell It Like It Is… and for you to find out more about your favorite writer here at Chewing On Glass… it goes without saying… which means it has to be said… I also happen to be the best writer that Is That A Funeral? has on their roster… I said it… telling it like it is… enough with the lame intro… lets get into this already… (If this is your first time… basically I draw three to four random cards with questions on them and I answer them… why?… no one… including me… has the slightest clue…)

Question 1: How Do You Look When You Get Angry?

Not really sure how to answer this one… mostly because I can’t see myself… also… it would be beyond frightening… if for some reason… in my free time… I sat around staring into a mirror getting pissed off… I mean because I don’t…

I’ve been told that I look pissed off most of the time… by just about everyone that I know… which presents a whole set of problems when I actually get angry… because no one has a fucking clue… which pisses me off even more… and it is around this time the cops have me pinned to the ground… it is a whole thing… all I’m saying is that I don’t liked to be touched… or when I’m not angry… people like to tell me that I am… or are afraid of me… being afraid of me really isn’t a problem though…

Question 2: If You Had To Move And Could Take Only Three Things With You, What Would You Take?

This question would have been way harder a few years ago… I am assuming when they say move… they mean move from one place around the house to the other… in that case… I need my laptop… my writing folder… and a pen… but my head is not that far up my ass… so the three things I would need if I was moving…

Thing 1… My laptop with my writing folder and a pen strapped to it… (I could have said my writing bag… too late to change the answer now…)

Thing 2… My wife with our child strapped to her back and a change of clothes… (I could have said my family… but I suck at thinking on my feet… (Not really… I’m mostly lazy… and don’t want to press backspace…))

Thing 3… My blanket… because I have some weird unresolved issues from moving way too much as a child… and lets face it I am a little broken… (No side comment for this one… though I guess I could have made my wife carry that as well… not a big enough asshole for that… (then again… I do have my laptop in my hands as well… so maybe I should have her carry it?…))

Question 3: Share A Big Let-Down In Your Life.

Not actually a question game… but feel free to click on any previous post I have written… kindle and paperback editions of my let-downs are also available on Amazon… can’t give them all away for free…

Question 4: What Color Do You Think Of When You Think Of Happiness?

Easy ass day for me… Black… that is the color I think of for happiness… I mean it goes with everything… all my clothes are black… my wife only wears black… (my daughter likes blue… we aren’t really sure she is ours…) my pens are black… my laptop… my file folders… my switch… Umbreon is black… my dogs… if I had a cat… I’m sure most if not all of my soul… trying to think of all the things that make me happy… I should get some black candles… what would that even smell like?… I should make my own candles… and this is how my brain works… brought to you by Tell It Like It Is

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