“Another day and another dollar,” I say out loud as I take a seat on the curb outside of work. Another day, another lonely lunch I think as I take out my lunch and begin to eat it slowly. Savoring every bite of my warm peanut butter and jelly I slapped together before running out the door this morning. I’m not a huge fan of PB and J, but who is outside of the age of six? I put the last bite of my sandwich in my mouth when out of nowhere a voice asks, “So what’s it like to work all day?” Confused I look around, but no one is around me to speak of only the company of the ever passing cars. A large black bird moves closer to me and I stare at it as the voice reappears as if from nowhere, “Hey buddy I asked you a question.” “You can talk,” I say in a tone of surprise. “Really I had no idea I could talk. Wonder why I’d be asking questions if I had no idea,” the bird says back its beak moving up and down with each word spoken. “This can’t be real. Birds can’t speak, let alone talk. There must be something wrong with my sandwich or maybe there are some weird vapors leaking from somewhere.”
I look away from the bird as if such an action will just get rid of a talking bird. I think about getting up and walking away, but I have to admit I am at least interested in what a talking bird would have to say. The bird hopes in front of me and continues to talk, “So birds can’t talk? That’s funny because I’m a bird and yet I am talking. I guess people can’t drive, oh wait there goes another car. That’s funny.” “Okay I get it,” I say to the bird. I quickly go back to remaining silent. There’s no way I’m going to talk to this bird. I’m just going to eat the rest of my lunch and pretend the talking bird doesn’t exist because talking birds don’t exist. I reach into my bag and take out my prepackaged potato chips. “Oh I love barbeque, can I have one?” The bird asks me. I nervously hold the bag in my hand. If I give it a chip I will be acknowledging the fact that it is talking to me, but birds like chips so it wouldn’t be weird if I just gave it a few chips. Maybe if I give it some chips it will leave me alone.
“Well, there’s no need to be a dick about it. What is there like twenty-five chips in the bag and I can’t have one?” I quickly open the bag of chips as the bird spreads its wings to fly away. I dig my hand into the bag and toss out some chips. “All right now we’re talking,” the bird says as it turns to pick up a chip with its beak. “Okay, let’s say this isn’t some sort of side effect to tainted PB and J or some deadly fumes I am inhaling and you can really talk. Why are you talking to me?” My god, I must sound like a crazy person right now. I’m glad no one else is around, but I kind of wish someone was around to at least concur that I am crazy. “No real reason. You just looked lonely and you had food so I was like what the hell why not swoop down and say hi.” “I have to ask this,” Because I’m crazy, “Where did you learn to talk?” The bird gives me a look, “From humans. Where the hell else could I have learned to talk?” “So someone taught you to speak? That makes sense. I wonder why I didn’t just get that when you first started talking.” “You done mumbling to yourself yet? Yes, I learned to talk from humans when I was a kid and I’ve picked up some other stuff here and there,” the bird says before eating another chip. I take a few chips and dump the rest of the bag out for the bird. “You mean when you were a chick? Or is that just chickens that have chicks?”
“I mean when I was a kid, and you know I’m not a hundred percent on that idea of all baby birds being chicks. That might be something you’d want to look up later if you get the chance.” “Wait you don’t know and you are a bird?” “I don’t know everything about birds just because I am one. Do you know everything about humans?” “Good point,” I say as I put the few chips I took into my mouth. “So when you were a kid you learned to talk from a human?” “A human? No, I learned to talk from my parents and from my teachers at school.” “There’s a school for birds?” I ask a little too excited. The bird shakes its head, “What the hell would birds need to go to school for? When I was a human I learned to talk to people.” “You were a human?” The bird nodes its head yes and finishes up the chips. “So you were a human who reincarnated into a bird. That makes sense kind of I mean that’s supposed to happen in a way if you believe in that kind of thing.” “Just stop before you offend some people. I didn’t reincarnate into anything man. I’ve never died.” “Then how did you become a bird?” “Simple, I jumped off a building and just before I hit the ground, poof, I became a bird and I have been one ever since.” I don’t know who’s crazier, me or this bird.
“That’s impossible,” I say to the bird. “Well that’s how it happened so I guess it’s possible.” “Okay then turn back into a little boy.” “I can’t like I said I have been a bird ever since. There is no turning back, it’s a one and done kind of deal.” “This is madness, I must just be overtired or stressed out. You can’t jump off a building and become a bird. That just can’t happen.” “I’ll prove it can happen. Come to the top of the building with me.” “No that is crazy. You don’t need to prove anything to me because you’re not real.” “Oh I’m real, but it just sounds like you’re too scared to learn the truth.” “I’m not scared,” I tell the bird with confidence. “Says the chicken,” the bird says back while flapping its wings like a chicken. “I’m not a chicken. Maybe I just don’t want to be a bird.” “Why wouldn’t you want to be a bird? We get to fly all day, we eat whatever we want except for uncooked rice, and best of all we have no responsibilities except to poop on unsuspecting victims. Life as a bird is the best life there is.” “Those are all really good points, but if I jump off a building I am going to die.” “No you won’t. Trust me you will become a bird just like me.” “I don’t know, it just seems crazy.” “Crazy is working every day just to die. Come on, come be a bird with me and experience true freedom.” “I don’t know,” I say as I bury my head into my hands.
“You said it yourself, you are over tired and stressed out. Do I sound over tired or stressed out?” I raise my head from my hands, “No you don’t.” “Then why not come join me as a bird and leave all this stress and work behind?” I think about what this little bird says long and hard before I give it a straight answer. “All right, what do I have to do?” “That’s the spirit. Come with me,” the bird says as it starts to hop around the corner of the building. We walk half way down the alley until we get to the fire escape. “Only way up to the top from out here,” the bird says to me. I touch the first rung of the fire escape ladder and my hands feel shaky. “You’re not afraid of heights are you?”
I shake my head no and start to climb up the ladder pushing my fear deep down within myself. The bird effortlessly flies to the top of the building to wait for me. When I finally climb the four stories to the top the bird is waiting on the opposite edge cleaning itself. “About time, but down worry once you are a bird you can get to the tops of buildings in no time.” I walk slowly over to the bird. “Are you ready?” “Yeah, are you sure this is going to work?” “Of course, it worked for me didn’t it? All right so first things first let’s get you a little bit closer to this edge.” “I’m pretty close from here.” “You are pretty close, but you need to be right at the edge for this to work.” “Why can’t we just do this in the alley? Do we really need to do this in the front of the building?”
“We have to do it in the front of the building because there is more room for you to fly off once you turn into a bird. If we do it in the alley as soon as you turn you are going to smash into the next building. Then you would die and this would all be for nothing so let’s get closer to this ledge. Need your toes at the very edge.” I take my time inch closer, but eventually I get there and the four stories seems like a much longer drops then it did before. “I don’t know about this,” I inform the bird. “You’ll be fine. This isn’t my first human into bird experience.” “There have been others?” “Of course there has been. Okay what you want to do is stretch your arms out like a bird.” I stretch my arms out as far as they will go. “Nice form,” the bird says encouragingly. “Okay now this part is really important. Are you listening?”
“Yes,” I say with a bit of instability. “Good, as you are falling you need to be thinking bird. You need to envision becoming a bird. You must see yourself becoming a bird to actually become one. You got that?” “I got it, think bird.” “You are ready to become a bird and remember to flap those wings when you turn. That’s very important. It is time for you to become a bird.” I take one last look over the ledge as the bird wishes me good luck. I can feel the wind pulling me as if I was a piece of paper and at first I fight it, but then I just let it take me over the edge of the building. Bird I think. I think of becoming a bird.
“Intelligent species my ass,” the bird says as it flies off the ledge and lands on an adjacent power line next to another bird. The sirens are loud as the people crowd around the dead man. “You owe me twenty chips,” the bird says to the other bird. “That’s bullshit that man gave you nearly a whole bag of chips.” “Hey a bet is a bet, and you lost the bet.” “How much do I owe you now?” “Something like two bags. We really should try this game with another animal. It’s really getting too easy with humans nowadays.”
What not a horror story?… Dusting off another great story from the past… Took a lot of self control to not rewrite the whole thing… Not that the story itself needed to be rewritten. There were just a few things that I would do different that I wouldn’t have thought to do back then. Even after all these years though I think the story holds up to what I was envisioning. Maybe it doesn’t. Shrugs. That’s for better people than me to decide.
This story is very much about escapism. I think many of us wish that our lives were better or different, and maybe they would be or could be in a lot of ways, but there is also the possibility that they could be way worse than we could imagine. Be careful of what you wish for I guess. Also maybe not trust every talking bird that comes a knocking. Nothing too major to unpack here with this story and that is one of the many things I love about it. Sometimes a story only has to be something small and not larger than life. Something I have to tell myself now that I didn’t even bother to think about back then.
Hopefully you enjoyed it… I know I did going back down memory lane… Never give up and don’t forget to look back… and remember to just have fun…
Chewing On Glass... 
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