Chewing On Glass…

Repeating cycles from within
Where is it that this all began
Born this way or giving in
Fear of living trapping me in
Chest tightening… fingers bleeding
Pressing harder against the keys
Doesn’t make the words mean anything
No relief from feeling like me
Wondering when has left me empty
When will this all go away
Until death or something else
Giving in… screaming the feelings away
What other choice do I have anymore?

Afraid of all the things left behind…

Reliving these shitty memories in my head
Another day knowing that nothing goes right
Trapped, bleeding, alone
Reliving these feelings in my head
Another second knowing this was it
Stuck, screaming, surrounded
Words trapped in my head
That is all that this is
Only words that don’t mean anything
Words trapped in my head
Collecting nails in a jar
Needed something different
To prove that I wasn’t just sitting still
That none of this life was frozen in time
Getting old… the proof begins to mold
I knew there had to be life somewhere
In this cold dark planet we call earth
Feelings trapped in my head
That is all that this is
Only feelings that don’t mean anything
Feelings trapped in my head
Collecting friends in a jar
Needed something a little less permanent
To prove that I wasn’t just alone
That none of this life was stuck in time
Getting old… the proof begins to fall apart
I knew there had to be less than there was
In this cold dark person we call Ambrose
If only I could get rid of this thing inside my head
The part of me that lets me know
I’m not good enough…

(That thought kind of got away from me there… I started riffing and yeah… Now back to our regularly scheduled programing…)

Regretfully this won’t get here any sooner than now…

This downward spiral has been gradual
Scraping against the surface of the floor
Figuring this out makes me even more afraid
Who am I to decide
What is real and what is fake
The images enter my brain
They never stop taking away
From what you said
From what you meant
Taking everything and twisting away
New visions become clearer
This world would be so much better
If I was only found so far away
Who am I to decide
What is real and what is fake
The images only settle in
Even as they drift further away
From what you mean
From what you believed
Taking everything and leaving this place
This downward spiral has been gradual
But here we are and no one’s home…

Not really feeling it today… Not happy or sad… Just somewhere in the middle of nowhere wondering why I bothered to even try… Still have to drag my ass through the rest of the circus that is my day… Rather crawl into a crawl space… and sleep the rest of the week away… Unfortunately… my house sits on a cement slab… Guess I better go start digging… Hope all is well…