Chewing On Glass…

Avoiding the point long enough
Time to get to work on things
Floating around in my skull
A better me won’t change anything
So dead in the end… Can’t survive myself
Broken images… Broken pieces…
Avoiding this need to change everything
Afraid of what I might find underneath
What I might find if I even attempted to try
Self-doubt… What I’m full of… Shit
Please repeat it all back to me again
Death a future… I can’t seem to avoid
Couldn’t even survive myself
Maybe in a different skin… head… soul
Doesn’t seem any easier from the outside
Looking in doesn’t seem any easier either
Through this broken screen in my hand
Maybe if I was dead… I’d only feel more like me
Broken pieces that make up a whole
Avoided the point long enough
Time to get to work on the things
Floating around in my head
A better me and less of everything else
Could change everything…

Because time is irrelevant and merrily a thought… Still 2 o’clock…

Losing everything
Today life slipped away
Choices they were repeated
By my own hand and still
It was all I have ever begged for
Truth seems so unreal until it isn’t
Been so unfaithful to myself
Drag after drag I’ve placed myself here
What I wanted since the beginning?
By my own hand and still
I knew better this whole time
Life seems so unsure until it’s not

Everything seems more epic than it really is…

Resting again as the thoughts fade
Had so many things I wanted to tell you
Too young though to make any sense of this pain
Frustrated at time… It was never about you
Been dying inside… not that anyone could tell
Promises that turned out not to matter
Little truths that meant much of the same
Could never bring myself to lie to you
Too young though to understand why I didn’t
Shouted too many times… Was never about you
Hurting inside… But not about you
Resting again as the regret settles in
Had so many things left to say
Too young though to make any sense of this
Frustrated at life at times… Never about you
Dying inside… We all are fighting something
I hope not you… Impossible to avoid
Hurting inside… I know you are
Too young to understand what I mean
Need you to know I loved you the best that I could…

Probably too late for a trigger warning… That last one is pretty dark… A lot of themes running through that one… All is better now and I’m still here… Didn’t seem like I would be when I put pen to paper on that one though… Moments come and moments pass… That’s all I have to say about that…

Day 3 and I still feel sick… Being sick is weird in that I never feel more motivated than when I can’t pick my ass up off the couch… It’s still 2 o’clock… Keep pushing through I guess… Hope all is well…