Chewing On Glass…

The dissatisfaction of knowing your existence
Has driven me to madness throughout the years
Words that have been said haven’t cleared
Out the mystery about what has been kept silent
Scarcity they say is the only form of treachery
Maybe not today but one of these days they’ll see
Apparently they haven’t met anyone else yet
Not like you… the mother of a thousand sins
No they haven’t met anyone like you
Mother of treachery and bather of blood
We are nothing more than pigs for your slaughter
Succumbing under the weight of your useless demands
Are there even enough hearts left for you to feast
Apparently they haven’t taken the time to see
What it is that you are… the mother of a thousand sins
No… No they haven’t bothered but I have
You’ve fooled them all… Hope you’re proud
Couldn’t fool me though with your dead smile
Blood dripping from your cold pale lips
Immune to your fake warmth and simulated eyes
Tell me does your death cult know who you really are
The less they know the easier they are to control
Obviously they haven’t met anyone like you
The mother of a thousand sins…
Immune… I’ve met many of your kind before and lived

You say it’s love… but it doesn’t feel like it…

The thought of you makes me feel so naked
The mysteries hidden behind your eyes
Your silence leads me to believe
All my intentions are nothing more than lies
I’d do anything you’d say
And you won’t even say my name
The thought of you makes me pause
The mysteries hidden behind your silence
Your disposition leads me to believe
All my thoughts are nothing more than lies
I’d do anything you’d ask
And you won’t even acknowledge I exist

Something takes a hold… and it won’t let go…

Empty silence when the question occurs
Flashing lights an ending to observe
Answer not so clear to figure out
Silly redemption of my mindless thought
What am I doing here? Because I forgot
Why are you showing me this now?
To hell with these make believe dreams
A passion I no longer seem to posses
My mind set is so much different
Then when I began this stupid journey
Scrambled and chopped to pieces
The message is quite clear there’s nothing left to fear
Make it past a point and then proceed
Too much pressure on my brain
Better to go home before I cut it to pieces
Like these thoughts… These words time forgot
None of this is anything I’m trying to say
Said you wanted to come with me
And now you don’t know if home is for you
But there’s no change that I know
That could take these feelings away from me
Insincerely silent when the question occurs
Do you really love me?

A few of these got a way from me… started off small and then as with a lot of things lately… they just kept going and going… almost made the first part the whole post…

During my year of self pity… I had to do a lot of thinking… well I didn’t have to… but I did… really none of us have to do anything ever… that’s a whole rabbit hole I don’t suggest you jump in… but to each their own… Point is I did a lot of thinking about writing… me as a person… mostly writing and how it defines me as a living thing…

What I found as I read… I also read a lot during my year of self pity… forgot to say that… I thought and read a lot… what I noticed is that each of us are writing to someone or something… Personally I had lost that… I had lost what I wrote to and why… My muse isn’t gone… they are just different now… more holes to fall in…

Breaking that whole thought process down would fill a novel’s worth of space… but in my reflection I found what I need to survive… the inspiration that I need to keep going… is no longer an outside influence that doesn’t bother to notice me and what I am doing… rather it is an emotion that can’t be killed and won’t leave me alone… That sounds way more complicated than it really is… maybe I needed the novel after all…

Fuck it… Point is I am sober… I am what I am… and I’m not doing this for any other reason than myself… Approval is great until it poisons you into submission… until it sucks you dry and rejects you none the less as it looks for the next hit… We all have our reasons for doing what we do… or why we do what it is that we do… Don’t over complicated is all I’m saying… Hope all is well…

“The road don’t go forever, so ride it while it lasts.”
The Devil Makes Three- Do Wrong Right