Chewing On Glass…

There’s a time where things just don’t feel relevant
Been there one too many times looking back
Lying naked on the floor hanging outside a car door
Time and place as I said don’t matter as reality begins to slip
Dusting off the surface that has grown upon the skin
I don’t think this is how I meant this to begin
As time and reality begin to slip through the cracks of the fence
But this is where I am going to have to end this
Before I can let this drift any farther from the truth
The smell of laundry detergent staining my hands
Even if the bleeding had to start somewhere else
I think we all know the origin isn’t where it all begins
Time and place are less irrelevant than we’d like to believe
Not that we’d ever really know what it is we are saying
There’s a time in our mind where things just aren’t
As relevant as we think they might have been

The older I get the more I question what it is that I know about myself…

The flies dance around me
What they want they won’t say
Breaking me down slowly over time
The body goes and the soul lives on
Dancing long after dark
Giving into our own sins
There’s nothing left to take away
Where the words come from
I hope I never have to know

There’s an emptiness I can no longer hide…

I’ve written you every day of the week
Seven different letters that could be
Best described as a suicide pact with sleep
I’ve tried to get you out of my mind
Pretend you don’t exist but it hasn’t worked
You’ve become twisted in my mind so to say
A figure without a shape and no mistakes
I’ve written my pledge to you again and again
Seven different drafts that could be
Best described as a mistake of epic proportions
I’ve tried to ignore the feelings in my head
Act as though you don’t exist but it doesn’t work
You’ve become trapped in my web so to say
A figure I’d like to bend and break with my hands
An entity I’d love to consume with my shame
Seven different explanations about what
I’m trying to say in much more devilish ways

The break has been nice… I had envisioned a period of immense personal growth… A period in which I got caught up on all the things that have been left unfinished… Instead I just laid around and thought about how worthless I really am… Turns out I don’t know where the words come from… but keeping them trapped inside doesn’t help me in any way…

I’d like to think that I have things figured out… That all my plans have an end point… For the time it seems that all these unfinished plans and unrealized dreams are what is keeping this dead corpse moving… Can’t say that I didn’t know that… But I had hoped there was more to me than what I had built for myself… This despair is all that I have left…

Still desperately seeking approval from an outside source… Still very human… The break has been nice… even if nothing has changed…