Chewing On Glass…

Told myself this wasn’t it… A waste of time
Not sure which version of me to believe
The sickness settling into my bones
Rotting at the core someone came to the door
Left a package for someone else
Presents for kids who are doing better than me
Full of smirks and dreams and other shit
Bill-less heathens with the world in their talons
Guess I should feel bad because they don’t even know
No one gives a shit from here on out
Guess I should feel bad because I know what we’ve done
But I don’t feel anything close to empathy these days
Waves crashing in and I’m sure I’m drowning
But who really cares at this point standing next to me?
Who has time to worry about a war
There’s nothing to eat in the fridge
Who has the capacity to give anymore brain cells
There’s already too many people living on the streets
No one wants to admit it but we are running out of room
The point is time is running out and the clock’s still ticking
If that doesn’t make you feel something
If it doesn’t make you sad you might just be me
This whole time spent talking to myself all over again

I could sleep until oblivion…

Breaking down the moments
Falling under the pressure
Wish I had known earlier
I was never going to live forever
Nothing has changed… still the same
Knowing or not knowing isn’t the question
Or the feeling running through my brain
Had I known would I have done
Anything different… I don’t know

You are only happy when I’m sad…

There’s a theme here I can’t understand
It would seem that it is mostly about me
But I think it has more to do with you
A loneliness I can’t seem to shake
Time I can’t seem to keep in my hand
Floating along on these clouds
Little pillows meant to represent something
Wish I could sleep but that’s too much
To ask some who is always dying
The will is there trust me to make this more
It’s my execution that I have been dreading
Self-fulfilling prophecy that could use some work
Maybe some more practice and a little less caffeine
What are you some kind of mental detective
Digging through the facts for what I’ve said
Sure… I know I don’t make any sense
More of a charm than a cheap reward
For hanging in there with me
Pretty sure the antihistamines are kicking in
Either that or I’m crying uncontrollably
This late in the day could go either way
Each line becoming a little too blurry
To make any more sense than it already doesn’t

The air is feeling rather heavy today for some reason… I’ve been trying to eat healthier lately… but even that brings forth the question… What is even healthy anymore?… Healthy might not even be the problem I am even having… affordability lately seems to outweigh any sort of healthiness…

I’d like to bitch about the rising prices… but profitability is how we keep moving forward… Forward to what I have no idea… To what great plateau are we trying to reach?… I have no idea… but you are going to need at least two hammers and a place to sleep it off… to really understand… The whole situation reminds me of someone I once knew…

Someone who thought that if they smoked and smoked more and more weed… that they would reach some new level of high… that the place they were trying to reach was just one more dime bag away… So he spent more and more money that he didn’t have… and never got any higher than all the times before…

We do this same shit every decade or so… spend even more money on things we can barely afford… and never get any more full than we were before… Times change… things change… but the problem persists… because not all problems have an actual solution… Unacceptable… I am aware…

We’d like life to be either black or white… but the whole thing is pretty damn gray… This whole thing is nothing more than a house of cards… pull one thing and it all comes crashing down… or so we are told… So we have been conditioned to believe… because in a world so gray… What are we supposed to believe?…

People don’t like change… but change comes in too many forms to avoid… Hard decisions are on the horizon… The good news is that we have been here before… many times over… and we are still here… Because like it or not we are the cockroaches of the universe and we will find a way to fuck this up from day to day…

None of this is new… even if it feels that way… Life is about choice… but the script for choice is pretty limited… You either live or you die… Turns out this whole life thing is all a little more black and white than we would have liked… A revelation from up above… isn’t going to tell you anything different… 

If you want to live… you have to survive… If you want to die… No worries someone will take your place in line… A tale as old as time… 

Hope all is well…