Chewing On Glass…

Clayton told me once I shouldn’t try so hard
Taught me the difference between will and effect
Wasn’t sure what he meant right away
Not sure anyone understood what he had to say
Broken English and misplaced sentences
Usually isn’t the best way to communicate
Repeat what he said repeatedly again and again
Decipher the definition of misinterpreted words
Think about it longer and it starts to make sense
You are either fucked or you are fucked
What’s the point of giving up?
How does it make you feel?
This isn’t the first time this is going to happen
Stop treating it like it will be the last
The best I could make sense of what he was trying to say
Asshole died any way broken and alone
Our heroes are only our heroes inside our heads
The rest is just made up shit they have said

Not sure if I have said this before…

My gifts don’t lie in anything I can see
People say things that I can’t seem to believe
Talking out our asses has become a full time crime
For the life of me I can’t see why
If everyone is doing it… what is the crime?
An annoying ass sound that I can call mine
It’s piling on, all the shit that’s been said so far
Stacking up nicely all around my ears, nose, and eyes
The sensation of burning that we’ve grown accustomed to
I’m not guilty I only carry guilt with me
Which of us is right if no one is wrong
Who doesn’t have a better plan then what’s going on
Another lap around the map
Pretty sure there’s something else around here
Maybe something better or more of the same
None of us are really any different from place to place
Busy pretending to strive for the same things
A slight of hand of misplaced effort
Tell me which one of us is pulling it off
Sticking it in… Does it pay handsomely?

I’d sell my soul… but it turns out I already have…
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Been sick for three weeks now
Starting to think it is in my head
A slow poison draining me of everything I’ve said
Trying to get better feels like a headache
I just don’t need at the moment
Heartache and death it would appear
Is where it is at these days
But I’m all out of fucks and empathy
To keep this dead heart beating in my chest
Full of lead stuck between two dead limbs
I think it’s a symptom of necrosis
Pretty big word to prove no point at all
I guess that’s the level I’m trying so hard to achieve
Been sick for so long I’m out of excuses to tell myself
For this feeling living in my head
A slow poison telling me this is it
Trying to get better feels like a dead weight
Holding me down… making me tired
I’ve reached an end to a journey
I wasn’t sure I was on when this began
A long worded odyssey that didn’t mean anything

It sounds a lot like this inside my head… An endless noise of emotional regret… Bleeding words and yet the cup hasn’t run dry… I’d like to think that means something… But I’ve been alive too long to know that it doesn’t… The ambulance is coming… I gave them the wrong address… Not on purpose… Just to see if they’d notice… Test the system so to speak…

Has anyone else noticed this string theory of attempts to do something very similar?… How close to danger are we really if all it takes is an attempt?… “Effort, my friends is the difference between life and death”… Something to think about… a tool for anything holding you back… Take it from me… I’m still trying to learn how to use it… It’s quite complicated…

If I could stop yawning… Maybe I could think of something irrelevantly important to say… “Say, I do my best talkin’ when I’m fast asleep”… That’s actually a real quote… Bonus points if you already knew that… Extra credit if you bother to look up… You don’t have to in order to understand anything that I’m trying to say…

The clouds are closing in and the sun isn’t sure what to do… Bored with its only options… Who could blame it?… Another unknown billion years doing the same old shit… You’d be angry too…

Hope all is well…