Chewing On Glass…

Knew this feeling couldn’t last
Throwing shit against the wall
Knew this idea couldn’t last
It’s not like I could stick to it
Knew this dream couldn’t last
Before I replaced this delusion
With something worse
My heart is a whore
That can’t ever decide
Which direction the blood should go
This time…
Knew this feeling couldn’t last
Throwing myself into the fire
Knew this idea couldn’t last
It’s not like I’m not used to it
Knew this dream couldn’t last
Before I moved onto something else
My brain is an asshole
That can’t decide
Which hole the shit should come out
This time…

Struggling under my own weight to see beyond this…

I’m not as self-motivating as I like to think
Pretty lazy if you give me the chance
There’s really nothing to it unfortunately
A battle between depression and who fucking cares
One of the two thoughts is going to win
And I’m never going to lose this war
What’s the point then of doing anything?
Easier to give up than even try
Easier to do nothing than contribute a thought
Never said I had the solution
Just know that I’m the biggest problem
Well that’s not helpful… Thanks… I was aware

If feeling down was a sport… There’d be no reason to show up…
I’ve already won…

The struggle isn’t real the more we step away
Burning ourselves against a fire that isn’t there
Floating on a vast and empty plane of land
True, there is more darkness than there is light
Not accounting for our shadows it’s as dark as night
False, though to think this has to be all there is
Not accounting for blind spots it’s bright as fuck out here
Has to be more out there that we don’t know by definition
Probably more that we know than we can claim
Is there a God?… I don’t know
They say it matters, but I don’t think so
Even if there is what more are we supposed to do
Struggling against the tide doesn’t feel right
Drowning can’t be everything even if it feels right
The deeper we go the more there is to lose
Taking a step back is the only cure
Because things feel more epic than they really are
If you think about it… We are still standing on the shore
It may take some convincing, but I think you know what I mean

I’m not sure how much I really have to say… Woke up today with my head in a fog… that I can’t seem to find my way out of… Of course that is not how I feel asleep… I fell asleep motivated to wake up and get some writing done… I had an idea for a story I kind of remember… Yet another lost story with no ending…

A little effort could go a long way… If I could find it… Must be hidden behind some kind of pay wall somewhere in my brain… I thought I had accumulated… scraped together enough money… but obviously I haven’t… I’m not sure how much I really have to say… my eyes are burning from staring at the screen…

Repeating myself wasn’t my intention… my brain is skipping and repeating… and I can feel my frustration building in real time… Another lost day with a blurry vision of tales building in my head…

Hope all is well…