Chewing On Glass…

Defeat is the mother of inventions
If that were true Edison wouldn’t
Have shit on me
Deceit is the father of intentions
If that were true you wouldn’t
Mean that much to me
Putting it together isn’t the same as figuring it out
Life doesn’t hold as much mystery with eyes closed
Being isn’t like trying… covering our ears to the lies
I’d like to believe someone is looking out for me
But if that were true one of us is asleep at the wheel
Defeat is the mother of inventions
If that were true I’d have more to show you
Deceit is the father of intentions
If that were true I’d have more to say to you
Putting it together our prayers don’t mean that much to you
Life doesn’t hold any mystery when you are the answer
Being isn’t the same as believing in something better
I’d like to believe someone is looking out for us
But if that were true than all of this would be a lie

Not sure that is what I meant to say… said it any way…

Things are feeling rather heavy
Thoughts and ideas that meant something
Mixing concrete to chew on later
Mixing shit with water to choke it down
A vast mixture made of uncertainties
Want to believe in myself… I really do
To hung up on the idea that I don’t matter
Particles stuck to the roof of my mouth
Words resting at the back of my throat
That don’t seem to want to resolve
I’m more afraid of myself than I believe
Failure isn’t an option it is the only way
Pressure compressing and it begins to form
Large structures built on a foundation of insecurities
Cities filled with unclear intentions crowd the shy
The noise grows louder with each passing moment
Want to believe in myself… I really do
I’d like to tear it all down and start all over again
But I know this is only more shit to sift through
Sinking under the weight… further I’m buried
The less there is of me underneath…

If you take everything away… Would I be the same?…

I have no reason to feel the way I feel
But I feel the way I feel
Like a sinking in my head
I’m drowning except I don’t know when
I know it isn’t real but I’d rather be dead still
Knowing I have no reason to feel the way I feel
But I feel the way I feel
Like I’m dying
I’m drowning except that I’m not
Clearly I know it isn’t real but still
I’d rather be dead than fighting for air

Sometimes the rifts just come to me… and other times I just kind of sit here staring at the screen… Sometimes it is easy… like when people say dumb ass things… such as women shouldn’t have rights… and all babies deserve to be institutionalized for their own safety…. It’s like yeah… of course… but that doesn’t mean you should say it out loud…

Most of the time people say enough dumb shit for me to be triggered… but no one has bothered to say anything to me today… Quite boring for someone as backed up as I am… It’s not as though I think no one said anything stupid today… It is more that I just don’t feel like listening…

We are inching closer to an election… Always a blast here in America… The fake ass ads are something to lay down on a hill to cry for… Because that’s what we all need is more reasons to cry… I don’t know what you heard… but life is pretty damn bright and sunny all on its own… Hell is really cooking up in here… and I’m not sure how much more of this dank garage I can handle for today…

Hope all is well…