Chewing On Glass…

Uncomfortable with the thought
The idea that any of this
Could actually mean more than I say
Uncomfortable with the thought
The idea that I’m okay with any of it
My death doesn’t mean as much to me
As the thought of losing you to time
Uncomfortable with the thought
The idea that I won’t be here
Until the end to hold your hand
Guide you through a world
Without any rules or directions
Uncomfortable with the thought
The idea that any of this
Is the way it was designed to be
The idea that any of this
Was the best I could do for you
A disappointing life to death
A disappointment alive or dead
Uncomfortable with the idea
The though that I brought you
Into this world only to leave
You alone in the dark… It haunts me

Bukowski is God…

More on my mind than I’m willing to say
Leaves are blowing all along this place
Less things than you’d imagine defining me
Bodies being hung up over the overpasses
Holding signs that say don’t worry
In time we will be only bones
The worlds not ending it just feels
That way… most of the time
A wish resting on the back of my tongue
Could never say it directly but I think
We all know that I am right about some things
More on my mind than I’m willing to mime
Weeds growing through the cracks in the concrete
Turns out walls just fucking fall apart
Neglect isn’t inherent it’s the way it always was
Less things than you’d imagine define us
Our souls resting upon metal hooks
Singing songs to our silent audiences
We don’t know yet but somehow we do
The worlds not ending it just seems
That way… a majority of the time
Because it’s all we’ve ever really wanted

I thought you said something…

It fills up slowly the notebook
I put all your thoughts in
There’s a feeling in my guts
This time that maybe this one
Will be something more
You aren’t wrong, you aren’t right
I’m just trying to not shit my pants
To get this idea out in time
Cramping and twisting
Struggling and fighting
Against a resistance that’s in my head
Put the pins back and walk away
Can’t so I won’t
They push through the skin
Hurting at first but the feeling somehow
Feels real familiar to how its been
Walking on shards of glass won’t change their minds
The oppositions been doing it for awhile now
And nothings stopped them from running their mouths
As decades slip on by with no warning
It is unlikely a little bit of pain will stop anyone
From living a life filled with love and despair
Swaying in the sun… Batteries running low
Supernova of a thought that we won’t
Be here to toast to the end we’ve written
Life moves on over our bones
And all the shit we thought to say
Cramping and twisting
Struggling and fighting
To think that any of it
Could mean anything to them

This whole post was a struggle to get out… and I’m afraid it is too hot in here to think anything out… Maybe next week when the heat dome lets up… and if I have… or we have some how survived another hottest day of our lives…

Hope all is well…