Chewing On Glass…

Falling into a trap all over again
Can’t seem to get her out of my head
Can’t shake these feelings
Stuck with all these emotions I don’t understand
I’m suffocating in a room full of windows
Drowning in a river of shit I didn’t say
It doesn’t make any sense
It doesn’t seem worth it
To keep going on like this
To keep suffering like this
Under the weight of silence between us

Couldn’t stop the bleeding so I turned into something special…

Against the razor the seam is coming undone
My dress can’t hold up to the pressure any longer
Naked, laying on the floor, all alone is this I doubt
The skin doesn’t fit like it used to
Bones cracking and breaking with age
Was told I was dying since the day I was born
Not so sure that isn’t the case on display
This bag of bones couldn’t be all that I am
Stripped, left out to dry, all alone in this I doubt
The screaming doesn’t sound like you anymore
Flesh cracking and breaking with age
Was warned that we’ve been dying all along
Not so sure it wasn’t them that did this to me
Placed this curse on me in the first place
The seams are coming undone to this reality
Bare, left on display, all alone in this I doubt
The soul doesn’t work like it used to
Better with age? I very much have my doubts
Couldn’t convince myself of anything different
Not so sure anyone has ever known what to say
About this bloody mess that we must become
Because there’s no other way to live with this
Feeling growing deep down inside of me
All alone in this I seriously have my doubts

Are you asking me or telling me?…

I want to do something different
So I sit still and wonder
What is it that I’m going to do
What there is to do
A sense of boredom to create something new
Because everything we already have
Wasn’t good enough for you

That last one is about my daughter… but it does feel like it applies to all of us… Anyone who has spent time with anyone… especially children… probably picked up on that pretty quick… There’s never enough time to do the things you want to do and never enough to do when you have the time…

I don’t believe this chapter has a theme… not really sure any of them have ever had a theme… but based on what I’ve read so far… I’d say time plays heavily in this go around… seven months staring at an empty screen will have a profound effect on what time really means…

Time… maybe because I had a birthday in the last seven months… maybe because I’m getting older… maybe because I’ve always been dying… Time doesn’t seem as important as memories… Memories though like happiness can’t be hunted down… they happen as they often do… and any effort spent trying to capture them leads to fewer and fewer …

Not sure anyone’s ever said that before… but somehow I know for a fact that someone has… Someone had to have said it in order for any of this to make sense… Time… a constant reminder that something is passing us by… Time… something we all spend way too much effort trying to get back…

Time is all we have and yet it doesn’t even exist…