Chewing On Glass…

Spiders competing for space between my eyes
Casting webs made of reassuring lies
I’ve lost track of what day it could be
Swaying from a noose like a pendulum
Keeping beat with time isn’t as easy as it seems
I’m dying but no one ever knows enough to tell
This deep under water there no one who can help
Wolves competing for a space between my arms
Digging through my chest looking for a soul
I’ve lost track of what life might be like laying here
Swaying gently to the sound of a shallow voice
Keeping beat with time isn’t as easy as it seems
Feeling more afraid than anxious that this feeling
Isn’t going to last longer than this moment is worth
Life gives what it takes and takes what is given
Should have been enough to live on but sadly it wasn’t

I’m pretty sure I’m already too dead to have noticed…

The words are like feelings that come to me
Black ink against the empty white pages
Life like death doesn’t work like this
Because neither works in a place this
Defying all expectations with every breath
Some would say I’ve lived too long
Others would argue I’ve just begun
I know I’ve been known for asking too much
When it comes to balancing this darkness in me
But are you really so desperate to ask a nihilist
What it really means to live out the rest of our lives?
It’s absurd to think we either live or we die
Predetermined isn’t the same as certain

The time has come and gone on this funeral song…

Standing on the circle the platform begins to move
Time doesn’t stand still and it doesn’t seem to go on
Leaves are growing around me like a disease
Branches swaying to the winds of the sea
Sitting at the table every body is waiting on me
Hand and foot with foot and mouth disease
No one looks any different resting on their knees
Begging and pleading can only mean one thing
This can’t be the way it is turning out to be
Drifting before my eyes your hair is on fire
But you don’t seem healthy enough to die tonight
Smoke fills my lungs and it is time we should move on
I’m not so sure you were meant to be following me
Across the lawn your burning skull lights the way
Through the river of blood, through a window of pain
There is a throne made of only scars of past mistakes
Flowers wilting show the way to our sacred space
A simple place for you and me to finally find peace
The prince of sadness and the mistress of rage

I’m all over the place today… a lack of sleep… I hear can mess with your brain… I haven’t slept through the night in over a decade… I think it might finally be showing… The last one was a deep share… I tried something different… I’m not happy with it… but it is better than it was…

I can’t seem to end things lately… as though I’m afraid or forget what it is that I was trying to say… Took a stab in the dark on that last one though… Because it was written with only one certainty… and then my eyes opened… I was trying to remember a dream I had… multiple dreams that didn’t make sense…

Sometimes you try things and you crash and burn… I haven’t even put it out and I’m already regretting it… So why am I then?… Am I not the master of my own destiny?… sure why not… I’m putting it out because it is uncomfortable… because I need to live… need to feel things… and maybe… just maybe… it isn’t as awful as I think it is…

Maybe someone out there will read it and it will be their favorite thing… I doubt it… but I can dream… and I can believe that art isn’t always in the hands of the creator… and maybe that one person will be happy… even if just for a single second… and that my friends is why I share any of this… do any of this… a single second of happiness is worth a lifetime of my time…