Chewing On Glass…

Feeling so lost under the pressure of pain
There’s no end to a day that keeps going
Perpetual motion of an endless emotion
Always moving forward no matter the cost
The only way we’ve been taught to live
Feeling so lost under the pressure of existence
There’s no end to what I’m willing to do
For a change that wasn’t ever there
Drowning myself to prove to you that I exist
This isn’t a symptom only part of some plan
No one’s ever felt the need to let me in on
Overwhelmed by all these feelings defined by me
No longer so sure about any of this
Feeling so lost under the pressure of suffering
There’s no real beginning to a day that keeps going
Perpetually in motion for reasons never explained
They say I will die if I keep living this way
They say a lot of things, but not how to walk away

The reflective shadows of a scattered brain…

The thoughts they go on with no ending
Writing another novel wasn’t the plan
The best of which never turns out that way
Going with it is all we know
Speaking in paragraphs when a word will do
It’s a curse of drained brain without sense
Wish I knew of a solution that wasn’t
Dragging myself across these rusty nails
Sinking deeper in me
Filling my lungs with words
That I can’t seem to spit up

Trapped behind a glass door in my mind…

Buried under the day to day
Nothing feels quite the same
The droning hum of an endless sound
Can’t quite see why I wouldn’t
Want to die under these soulless conditions
It sinks in that nothing really goes away
The feeling only keeps consuming
What wasn’t ever there to begin with
Darker down here than the day before
It isn’t getting any better laying by the door
Always how it has always been
Searching for feelings that just aren’t there

“I love that for you”… A mask that fits tighter than the skin… “I love that for you”… A hole so deep no one will remember who you are… “I love that for you”… A personality I can easily ignore… “I love that for you”… Now go away and do as you’re told…

If loving anything for anyone else was a thing… I guess any of that would make sense… As of late though… nothing really makes sense… the world might end… or a new one might begin… Still not sure what it is we are really fighting for… Not even sure why there has to be so much blood underneath the skin…

Do we not have the have the parts to build me stronger?… The technology to modify allow me to understand?… Why is there no easier way to just give you what you want?… Hive mind… no truth… obedient… to look the same… Told a whole generation to just be yourself… but you forgot to mention… you better fit in…

If only we had a way… for us to all know what to say… If only someone else held all the power… to tell us what to do… If only there was someone out there… to give us the freedom to choose to fall in line… Why has no society… no culture… no one… thought of this?…Bothered to write it down…

If only someone or something… would step up… provide us with someplace of our own… a place only our kind can be found… a paradise that could contain everything we might ever need… If only we had a place like that… to burn to the ground… to spread the blood of others… to hurt one another for things out of our control… in their name… for their honor…

If only we had a place… a gift like that… a privilege like that… Where we could work together… take care of one another… except each other for who we are… Could you imagine?… What it would be like to live like that… in peace… I used to think I could… But it turns out we just haven’t been shown the correct way yet…

We just have to continue… to hate… to kill… to destroy… to suppress… to control… to use… to waste… to submit… to abuse… to never succumb to change not handed down by the state… I know we have it in us… If only we stay the course…

Never give up on the dream… Never lose faith in our humanity…

Because there’s still plenty of time for us to look to the stars… to keep our eyes peeled back for a place out there for our kind… I know it in my bones… there has to be a hidden paradise… waiting for us to call home…